I Am No Less Than You

I talk a little bit about how I view people who underestimate my ability to understand "real-life" concepts.

I Am No Less Than You

I have had a rather unstable childhood, bouncing from three to four different role models on a day to day basis, and being manipulated by a rather extensive list of people; I have fought many battles and lost, I have also walked away from battles I should have fought, but I carry no regret for the decisions I have made, because without those, I would not be who I am today. I am not perfect, in fact I am far from, I have many cracks and chips in my soul, many from which I have endured and suffered from as a child; I have come to amends with many of them, but they are still there. The one who I trusted most in my life, the part of me that took initiative to bring me into this world, that part of me treated me like an alien, like I was nothing but a burden he had to hold on to even though he didn't want to. That person was a monster, the very opposite of what anyone would want to become, that person shot every type of hatred filled ammunition at me in the form of vocal, mental, and physical abuse, my Father broke me.
When I was 12 I chose to move to my Father's residence, I left my Mother's house and did not come back for 4 years. I was beaten, threatened, abused, subjected to things no one should ever be subjected to, I witnessed and reported many things on many occasions that no action was taken on, I fell to my knees and gave up the idea of a better future. As time went on I began to transform from an abused child to a very well-mannered young man, I took a vow to never enact any acts that my father had ever taken part in. I am never going to abuse a drug, I am never going to abuse alcohol, I am never going to abuse another person; it is because of the pain that I felt, the pain that went ignored for four years, that I am able to sit here today and say that I am not just some dumb teenager, that I have a deeper understanding for life itself, that I am not who you assume I am!
When people speak of someone young in age like they do not know anything of life, like they have not the slightest clue of what love is, what true hatred means, or how to believe in something bigger than them, it is dis-heartening. Just because I am young, just because I do not have white hair, just because I have not walked this Earth as long as you have does not make me any less. I know that there are things that I do not fully understand yet, but that does not give any single person the right to doubt my worthiness in the "real world", what must I do to prove that I am worthy of being wise? What must I do to be looked upon as an equal person instead of someone that is less?
If I am supposed to respect the knowledge and jurisdiction that my elders bestow upon me, what gives them the right to determine if they see me as an equal? Why are they exempt from showing the smallest shred of respect towards me? If I question I might get the routine "When I was your age I was not allowed to do this" or "I did that and it didn't work, I do not want you to do that" even as far as "As an adult, I am not supposed to let you fail, therefore you cannot do that". Is it not true that the reason you bear the wisdom you have today is because of the life you have lived yesterday? Why can I not learn to fail and gain my wisdom through experience just as you have? If I want to do something why must you not let me fail, why can I not fall and pick myself back up if I choose?
I am 16, I am not an adult, and I am not exactly "grown up" but what I have gone through in my short life, which very few will ever have the capability of understanding, forced me to grow up before I was 18 and an "adult". I did not have a choice to stay a child, I had to choose to grow up so I could shape my own future, I ran through the plains of ridicule and abuse to jump off of the cliffs of doubt and soar away into the winds of independence, and I failed a few times, I fell to my knees and threw my head to the sky regretting what I had done; but I pushed on, I did not give up, I changed who I was bound to become and became something else. I still bear the battle wounds that I received throughout my life, I still find it hard to breathe easy with my heart still healing, but I wear them proudly, because if I had not fought that battle on my own, I would not know today what I did not know then.
People all the time tell other people what they ought to do, we tell our kids what they should be when they grow up, we tell them what to eat, what to drink, how to eat, how to drink, when to sleep, how to sleep, how to dress, how to learn, how to live, how to behave, we tell them how to live their lives in the image that they once did. In most cases they say they have the intention of making sure that “Their baby has a future that was greater than my own,” or that “I have failed in my lifetime and my kid will not make the same mistake” and these and many other explanations are good reasons, but they put the kids at a disadvantage. Parents think they are the “Bearer of all wisdom” and that we should be grateful that they are guiding us to a successful life. Do not get me wrong, in some cases we are; but is it right? Is it fair to not let us figure things out on our own? I mean, we do not know about heartache and broken hearts until we experience them, but we know about them; we know about them because other people speak of it, but that does not help us cope with it. People can tell us how to live, they can tell us that we need this job and this experience by this time, but that does not mean we will enjoy it, that does not mean that it is the only route we can take.
The sad truth is that people too easily succumb to the overwhelming enforcement of other people's wants, dreams, and opinions. The danger lies in the fact that accepting others' pushy advice or unending opinion and influence can result in the obliteration of the dreams we had initially. Insistence can crush dreams. We are diminishing our generation's opportunity to learn from our mistakes. Without making mistakes, how can we gain wisdom? How are we to gain the wisdom not only to overcome them, but also build the skills necessary to guide others out of their own blunders? Any quality teacher (whether Mother, Educator, Older Sibling, Soccer Coach, among others) knows that individuals learn best by doing, by navigating their own missteps. By encouraging our generation to manage and experience both our best and our poor choices, we can build an arsenal of skills to avoid the poorer choices in the future. As well, we can help guide our own children should they experience similar misjudgments. Too many people claim to have led a perfect path, or are basically afraid to admit that they have ever made poor choices. Someone who has value in guiding another through a tough situation is someone who will say, "I did that once. Here's what I did - but it may be different for you, depending on which path you choose"
All too often I hear of people muffling the wants and dreams of their children due to fear of their children failing, what job to get, what college to go to, how to live their life, the list is endless. I want to be an artistic welder, I enjoy welding, art is one of the only ways I have been able to express myself, and I have an appreciation for it and enjoy making it. People judge me for that, they see me as less because I have done what I want to do, as if happiness does not matter and it is about the money. Life is very short, we are only here for 100 years, then we are gone, why must I conform to make you happy if I am not? it is pure foolishness for anyone to tell me what I can and cannot do, or than I am incapable of doing something improbable, if I want to do something crazy then let me, If I fall then I will learn, but if I soar, that is the true question. What if I soar so high that I exceed your wildest expectations by doing something I wanted and achieving more in life than either of us could have ever imagined?
I will fall in my lifetime, I know I will, but I know that I am willing to pick myself back up and try again, because I will envy the day I can look anyone who doubted me in the eye and say "you, you were wrong, I did this, and I succeeded without your help, I myself did this". anyone that tells you that you cannot do something because you are incapable, or because the odds are stacked against you, do not let them boggle you down, find your own path, do not let others draw it out for you; find out who you are and let that guide you through your life.
I have a beautiful girlfriend by the name of Gabriela De La Cruz, we met through an online video-calling system called Skype, it was very unlikely, but we found love in each other; we have found a rich love than nobody has the strength to tear apart. Everyone told us that it would not last, I was isolated by close family for my choice, I was judged socially at school for not being able to "get a real girlfriend" little did they know that her and I are more real than anyone could have ever imagined; we made a plan in February to meet each other during the Summer, and all though the probabilities seemed impossible, we stared the odds in the eyes and fought them. We sat through countless conversations about how we are not wise yet and we do not possess the maturity to take on something as monumental as this, and we overcame it; we did not fluster in the wake of challenge, we flourished in the future wake of each other that would occur after the battle.
We know that the road we have chosen is the one less traveled, we understand the difficulties that lie ahead, we do not need a reminding of how we live in a "fairy tale" we do not need to be told that it will not work out, because we already know that you are wrong in saying so. The last time I checked fairy tales resided in books upon the shelves that our grandmothers once reached from to read us a tale where the guy always gets the girl, they always get the picture perfect future and they live happily ever after; we know that there is no such thing as perfect, nothing can ever be perfect, we understand that. Why are we not allowed to understand that? Because we are not 18? Because we do not have white hairs? Why do we need to be so heavily ridiculed for our actions? We have found something that most people never find in their lives, we have found love, and anyone that says we are to young to understand such a complex concept, let me tell you what love is to me.
Love is not the warm bubbly feeling you get when you are around someone, it is not the warm touch of another's hand upon your chin; Love is the unconditional willingness to do anything for a person, the willingness to die for them if need be, love in its truest form is the ability to say "You are my life, and I want to see you succeed and grow more so than I want myself to succeed and grow" Love is putting someone on a pedestal and raising them above the heavens and not stopping until the day you have breathed your last breath of air, that is what love is to me, and the love that I feel, is exactly that. What is love to you? Is my love so different from yours? What makes my understanding less? Just because I am not an "adult" does not mean that I cannot understand something more or equal to how much you understand it.
Why must I be treated as an unequal because of a number? If you do not know me, why must I be "Not good enough" to meet societies standards? I know I am not some athlete, baseball player, Jock, Millionaire, or even a celebrity, but I do know what I am, I am genuine, I am true to my person, and work very hard to preserve that. It is okay to not like me, but I beg of people to not like me for who I am, instead of not liking me for something they think I am. We can respect someone who shared experiences and how they felt, and make recommendations. However, there should be no tolerance for those who have lived their life and want to deny us our own experiences only because they don't agree with our choices. Let us own our decisions so we can rise and fall on our own merit, not on your fear. I am a man of my word, and I do not speak sounds of lies from my lips, I will do my best to help anyone in need, and I will unconditionally love those that I love now, I am no less than you.

Author's Note

My apologies for bad grammar / boring writing, I find comfort in writing about things that bother me, I kind of wanted an audience's take on how I write, or to talk to people that have the same concept if you will.

Reviews

[Lesley]

Your writing is definitely not boring! Your passion comes across strongly. I believe passion is one of the most important ingredients in writing. You also have a powerful message. You may want to take sometime to organize your thoughts so they are little more concise and fluid. However, your point for sharing this story may be more about the expression of feelings and unloading your thoughts. Your feelings and thoughts are powerful, pulling me in to want to learn more.
If you are looking for feedback on your writing style here are some thoughts (I am definitely not an expert so they are just my observations). Your sentences are long. You use a lot of comas and I am not sure that you are using the semi-colon appropriately in some sentences (I am still figuring out the correct use of of semi-colon myself). Regardless, it's very vulnerable and moving causing the emotion behind to be felt deeply.

[Morrissey]

This was nothing short of amazing. Beautifully written. Brandon, you write with a great passion. And I can feel the pain in your words. You've taken your hopelessness and grief and turned it into something unbreakable and beautiful. Thank you for sharing this. Please do the world a favor and never stop writing.