The Sum of All Gondoliers

The epic gondola battle that you will never find in the history books! An uglier side to the beautiful canals of Venice.

The year was seventeen hundred fifty three,

And Venice, Italy was the place to be.

Boats were travelling from across the land

To discover the Venetian princess' plan.

Hundreds of Gondoliers lined the main canal.

And waited for the entrance of the princess royale.

She quickly walked out of her castle

And said "I know coming here has been a hassle."

"I offer one of you my hand in marriage.

But there is one thing you must manage"

The gondoliers looked around in amazement.

To become a prince would be quite the betterment!

"The last gondolier to remain afloat

Will win the prize of which to gloat!"

The boatman looked at each other,

Brother prepared to turn against brother.

"Let the battle begin!"

Cried the princess with a spin.

Inutile sat in his gondola

Snacking on some granola.

All around him, men crashed into the water.

But Inutile ignored the slaughter. 

He slowly paddled around the main action.

But to the other gondoliers he was simply a distraction.

If they would come into his boat's space,

he would push them away by throwing granola in their face.

The battle continued for many days

The steadfast gondoliers just couldn't be fazed.

Only ten boat were left standing

How Inutile was among them was what no one was understanding.

One by one the gondoliers fell

and Inutile's pride began to swell.

He proclaimed "I will win this contest!"

The other boaters were becoming stressed.

One by one they fell to him.

Granola in the eyes can be quite grim.

Finally, there was just one opponent left,

and he wasn't feeling particularly deft.

Inutile let lose a battle cry that left the contestant's mouth agape,

and he jumped into the canal water so that he could escape!

Inutile was finally victorious!

The moment was indeed glorious.

He and the princess were married the very next day

And in happiness they lived their lives away.

It is said that granola can still be seen floating throughout Venice

To remind us of Inutile the gondolier menace!

 

Author's Note

Embrace the weirdness! Reviews would be greatly appreciated

Reviews

[Jacob Clifford]

Wow. This was really enjoyable. Was this inspired by something or was the idea created by you? I like the clever man winning as apposed to the best warrior. The pacing is as good as it gets. Writing in rhymes without the words being overly obscure and/or silly is definitely a challenge, but you pulled it off quite well.
Hats off to you!

[ReadsAtDances]

Thanks so much for the great feedback! The idea came from when I was talking to someone about the movie "The Sum of All Fears" and I like the way the title sounded but wanted to write an amusing poem, so naturally, gondolas!

[Flopp]

This is great! The poem flows well and is linked to all throughout. The rhyming here isn't as forced as the one in the prequel :) I guess you could say... the other men were all "gone(dolier)" after they saw Inutile's granola :)

[ReadsAtDances]

Thanks so much! Yeah, as soon as that granola started knocking people in the water, it was H 2 Over! (H2O). Haha, love the puns as usual!