Feelings

Here is a love poem I just wrote

I'm nervous  at the interview

And like a miracle you appear

My fears and apprehensions melt away.

 

Your smile full of moonlight

Your aura seeping in my heart

I couldn’t wait to work with you every day.

Admiring your determination

Your humor and warm demeanor

And hearing your laughter brightens my heart.

 

Watching your soft and soulful eyes

They meet my gaze 

My breath and heart are set ablaze.

 

When I think your everlasting  presence 

It sends a shock into my system

I just want to be with you alone

and talk about these feelings.

Reviews

[SleeplessVolcano]

I like the emotion you express in this poem!

Two observations: I suggest that you stick to one tense, i.e. you start in past tense, but then you move to the present tense later, "I watch your soft.....".....

And the last line sounds a bit clumsy - there is a word missing there somewhere :)

Great poetry.

[Mr Alednac]

Thank you for the review, the ending didn't sit right with me either so thank you for pointing it out. Any more clarification on the tense? I actually struggle a lot with tense in a lot of my writing

[SleeplessVolcano]

No worries - it is very hard. If you look at your verbs from the beginning, they are all past tense, like "scared", "appeared" and "went". Then, in stanza three, "admiring" is suddenly present tense, as well as "hearing" changes the tense from past to present. Does that make sense? :) Now I think it is possible to "mix" tenses when we have a black flash, i.e. we are telling a story, which starts in the past tense, and then we want to express some nostalgia by going back in time into a "present tense" moment, though that can get quite technical and it is way above my pay grade...:)

[bela]

Great poem. I like the wording!

[Mr Alednac]

Thank you!