Quiet Girls

 

ask the old man -

its the quiet girls ,

the ones you don't notice

 

she stopped   

on his corner in a spinning city 

twirling her silk umbrella

a rain drop carousel

of prismatic moments

 

life    

 

a secret in an oblivious world

the crowd moved around her

another stranger in a stranger land

she knew there was something more

 

beyond this night

 

she raised her chin

the spell of her icy eyes

quivering the sky

releasing diamonds from her mind

 

and the lightning struck

 

she chanted out loud , as he took notice

clock hands slowing  

street lights flickering 

blackness draping the rush of madness

they felt it  ...

 

Fear 

 

and she laughed  

"humanity bred in sin and greed

shouldn't mind this insidious weather"   

"artificial light , so easily replaced

especially for the human race "

 

and she looked around

having fought this battle 

so many times before

and thought how she probably will

so many times more 

she caught the old man nodding

as he looked up at the falling sky ,

and he turned and grinned

wide eyed and wondering

 

" Whats your name ? "  he politely asked

 

" Kali " she winked

 

and then burst into flame

a burning lotus 

upon the rising sea 

of chakras in the rain 

 

 

 

Author's Note

for Selene's "Poetry That Doesn't Suck" contest.

graphic credit - Woman Flame (Myspace Graphics)

Reviews

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

wicked~ you captured imagery in motion~ a fluid reel spinning from the laughing mouth of endings on a fiery carnival ride ~ Kali has the best sense of wistful (and ok sometimes deadly) humor~ few capture it as well as in the tilty wink above~ =)~

[Brad]

the quiet ones hit the hardest... :)

[Poetic Beauty]

This is amazing. The story you have spun of the girl is mythical and eerie almost. The last stanza says so much. My favorite line is the very last line. The way it sounds and the imagery created make it my favorite line. This is creative and inventive.

[David W Moore III]

The pacing here was genius. The word choice, inspired. I love a read that stirs my insides up. Fantastic!

[Sourav]

Wonderful lines... great depiction. Very gripping!

[robyn.alexandra]

It's gentle in it's approach, but forceful in it's message. Lovingly crafted to form such a beautiful piece. It falls from my lips, and draws images in the air as I read it. It goes deeper as it flows, it is majestic.
a burning lotus 
upon the rising sea 
of chakras in the rain 
Hauntingly beautiful, absolutely brilliant.

[arbitrary jane]

the carousel of raindrops from the umbrella - drops as moments of life.... such an image.
diamonds from her mind, and the lightning strikes... and the world understands, in the slowing of time and the electrical surges.
leading us through the space of the scene to the imagery at the end... flames, and the combining of fire and flower...destructive redemption.
and the poor gentleman trying so hard to be polite as the world is consumed in fire and water.

such depth from you as always... case in point, the line:
artificial light , so easily replaced
especially for the human race "

we are so easily beguiled by false light. .... and then we watch something burst into flame.

[FireWoman]

I read the first stanza & immediately drifted to Miss Ess. I've been away from WC & had no idea it was for a challenge for Selene's contest.

Brilliantly written, Robin. Thank you for painting this image, and it definitely does not suck =)

[roarke]

hm, didn't go where I thought it was going.
Kali as in Kali Yuga?

Catching the moment of passing, the journeys of the mind's last wanderings. The breath between.

This showcases your style and unique sense of delivery and reveal. Always much deeper than what it seems at first reading. good stuff.

[Celeste21]

Imaginative, original. Bursting with thoughts an images. Ode to quiet girls. Growing up, I was more focused of the negative attributes of being quiet. People thoughht they could say and get away with whatever they want, lack of social connection, no feeling of belonging. There are mysteries in quiet girls waiting to burst into flames, but you have to find the right, patient person willing to delve deeper. If not the magic of this poem ceases to exist in a figurative and a majestic sense. A great capture!

[Liza]

i was intrigued by the title as i have been called a quiet girl countless times throughout my life...once by fear, now by choice

i love to see the inspiration by the wonderings of what goes through a quiet person's mind....

i see the muse has triggered you very soulfully