Sub Rosa

 

Opium fires
Flame transient desires
 

         Burn Baby Burn
 

Inked incubus
Pleasuring animus
 

         Mystify You Cry
 

Conjecture infused
Reality Bruised

 

       Dream Darling Dream

Midnight delusion
Flicker of illusion

      

       Your Truth Belie   

  

Black water spills
Desperation chills

     Slide Honey Slide

Surreptitious veil

Clandestine tale

 

  Lovers Disguise  

 

       Under The Rose ~

 

Author's Note

at the invitation of the gifted Poetic Justice , this is my first poetic collaboration with another poet . I found it to be a very interesting experience , hearing two voices blend into one poetic vision ...

Reviews

[Lilly Negoi]

:) well, considering that "sub rosa" means actually "secrecy, confidentiality", and considering the blending of the two voices in it (which is actually a beautiful blending, i'd say this is a wonderful poem.
in three of the single-lined stanzas a word is repeating, framing what i would call to be the essence of this "affair" - "baby", "darling" and "honey" - and their association tends to sweeten a bit the "clandestine tale".
i also liked the "inked incubus" idea, which in my opinion is a very nice and subtle symbol for "writing" (i may be reading a bit too much, but that's just me :)).
one can see that there are two poetic minds co-working here, but this is a collaboration that really worked, from my point of view - not always it happens that two different styles can bring to light (or to "midnight"? :)) such a beautiful result :).

[Zoe Jay]

Ooh, this is a really sharp and precise use of language, sound and rhyme. Very well executed! Relevant and pivotal refrains, which is actually really unusual, most people who use this structure inevitably end up with irrelevant and repetitious refrains. It has a slightly ominous tone. For me, and just me, this is a tale of someone, probably a woman, who has done a devilish deal for talents and earthly pleasures, and now, the consequences are catching up, whispering to her in the night (the last two verses). Or perhaps she has simply compromised her own subconscious, her own talents and intellectualism, for fleshly considerations, something she now regrets. Gorgeous rhymes. A1 writing.

[Tina Kline]

Fantastic collaboration on this piece. You both did a wonderful job. It read rather surreal to me, like a dream or fantasy, or perhaps reality that no one was so sure really was reality.

[Dream Weaver]

You guys did a great job with this brother...Not bad for a first colab!
You both weaved a wonderful tapestry of light and dark imagery...
Well done!

[Ladysue]

This is an intriguing collaboration. I like the different sides blending into this piece...I thought this was expressive and beautifully done...

[Champagne]

This is a marvelous piece of work. The other reviewers have left splendid reviews of how the two voices synthesize together and I have very little to add to what has been already covered so well. So I am going to attempt at analyzing how these two voices might sound if taken in isolation, a deconstruction of the synthesis if you might call it so. here it goes:

Opium fires
Flame transient desires

Inked incubus
Pleasuring animus

Conjecture infused
Reality Bruised

Midnight delusion
Flicker of illusion

Black water spills
Desperation chills

Surreptitious veil
Clandestine tale

Under The Rose ~

-------------------------- and ------------------

Burn Baby Burn

Mystify You Cry

Dream Darling Dream

Your Truth Belie

Slide Honey Slide

Lovers Disguise

Both still seem splendid pieces of work. Suggestive, provocative, elusive. great Job!

[Siddhartha]

I liked the way two voices, two perspectives mix into one...Multi layered and thought provoking....

[Narnie]

There is definitely a distinction - almost like there are two agendas of one dreaming and one coaxing. Collaborations are always fun :)

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Just read this one .. I had to also say to you what a great job you and PoeticJustice have done with this wonderful poem. A real beauty.

Chloe

[Kerry O'Connor]

This is a very beautiful and emotive poem - a collaboration, perhaps, but the final product is a cohesive whole - no need to ask which poet was responsible for which part. Truly glorious work.

[howlfjdks]

I can hear the tone switch quite clearly even if you didn't tell me it was a collaboration. My first thought "I love it!"