Flood

it ain't pretty

turning stones

in a sunless chasm

an echo screams

these white walls roar of urgency

as instincts scramble to escape a fatal pause

frenzy marked in deep breaths

tears plead to the night  

as her heart sinks in surging waters

 

winter hasn't been kind  

futile fingers obsess on the peeling paint

of her sinking home

rusted tractors dormant in the field

where the night worries

and the sunrise breaks promises

she feels it slip , and watches helpless

dreams slide under the flood

 

and here ..

from the high ground  

isolated inverted islands

dot these still rising waters

where from concrete shores

dories carry goddesses

a sacrifice to the sea

to learn to breathe under water

Reviews

[TAO]

Awesome. You know, this caused so many images to flash through my mind. I started thinking about hurricanes...then oddly enough, the little mermaid (kill me, please!). Then, manatees and pirates who thought they were mermaids, and how close they've gotten to extinction...

It ain't pretty, but the flow, and the words, are. Nice work.

[Sunflower/Sara Kendrick]

Very descriptive and expressive work..I am glad that I stopped by..Sunflower

[Brett Campaigne]

Incredibly rich in sense, one gets a taste of anxiety and desolation.

[Desert Dreamer]

The first verse reminds me of a flash flood in the sandstone deserts, where often hikers are trapped and die in the waters. As I read on, I see the image of a dormant tractor, as if it make wake again, but yet it rusts...and then you lead me on to a near mythical flood, as the waters continue to rise and the "night worries" and the "sunrise breaks promises"...have the waters come to cleanse the earth with destruction? Amazing.

[Brad]

where from concrete shores

dories carry goddesses

a sacrifice to the sea

to learn to breathe under water

those lines hit me in the face with sea green water...and i grew gills

[Inkcognito]

One sweeping, surging, very intriguing read... "it ain't pretty" but it is damn powerful! Fabulous, as always, Robin!

[Dani]

I absolutely love this: "isolated inverted islands"
If it were any other letter in the beginning, it may not have been as great, but the repetition of the "i" really adds power to the poem.
The last stanza is brilliant.

[sarah]

amazing! I love the way you wrote this

[Tate Morgan]

winter hasn't been kind

futile fingers obsess on the peeling paint

of her sinking home

rusted tractors dormant in the field

where the night worries

and the sunrise breaks promises

she feels it slip , and watches helpless

dreams slide under the flood
this is the part i like best

[Tina Kline]

This does create a very desolate picture of desperation and hopelessness, scenes like this exist way too much in our world. You did a wonderful job on capturing this, it ain't pretty is just how life is sometimes. We just need the pretty moments too so we can cope and survive the not so pretty ones.

[Tony]

Good word compression at work here.
...'rusted tractors, dormant in the field.'....
Sweet.