exit

I sit on the street
watching all the men women and children walk by
i am a shadow of a man
just watching all the time
I hate life with every reason...

lead me to an exit...
someone get me out of this life
burn me an exit....
i want to get out of here
show me an exit....
i want to live....

Every day i do the same thing
Light up a smoke...
and look at life before me...
so pathetic it is...
theres got to be more to this..

Lead me to an exit...
someone get me out of this life
Burn me an exit...
i want to get out of here
show me an exit..
i want to live....

I walked up to a girl...
talked to her for a bit...
then left...
did she have any interest in me?
who cares?
im just a shell of a man...

Lead me to an exit..
someone get me out of this life
burn me an exit..
i want to get out of here
show me an exit...
i want to live....

Where is the Exit?
cause i dont want to stay...
i look into the mirror..
please just let me go...

Looking for an answer...
looking for a way...
Lost in this world..

I fall asleep hoping to never wake up
im content with my dreams...
i never want to wake up...
cause there im not a shadow...
im not a shell...
im loved
im happy
i live...

Where is the exit...
Lead me to an exit...
Burn me an exit..
Show me the exit...

Reviews

[Annalisa]

I really like this poem, it reminds me of the play "No Exit", but is very different as well. It is different to approach depression/misery this way, normally when someone talks about an exit then it usually leads to suicide but I didn't get that feeling and that makes the pome depressing, but a happy hopeful depressing if that makes any sense... I had some suggestion on things to consider, they are below. But this was great. Good work.

"I hate life with every reason..."--------This line just seemed a little to clique, and it isn't really needed so consider getting rid of it.

"and look at life before me.../ so pathetic it is..."-----to----->"and looks at the life before me.../ absolutly pathetic..."

"theres got to be more to this.."-----to-----> "there's got to be more to this..."

"I walked up to a girl... I wasn't really sure about the
talked to her for a bit... point of this stanza...
then left... it didn't feel like it fit the
did she have any interest in me?-----------> rest of the poem...
who cares?
im just a shell of a man..."

"im content with my dreams.../ i never want to wake up..."-----to----->"i'm content with my dreams.../ I have all I could want here/ there is no need to awaken from here" or something like that. I actually don't really like my suggestion but the line is fairly awkward and needs some finessing.

Sorry, this is a lot, but it's all in good spirit! Anyway, I did enjoy this. Keep up the good work.

[Tai-San]

I have read alot of your poems and i think you are wonderful! i fall inlove with your poems. you are a great writer!