Crimson Silver

Hold your breath; breathe into me.
Kiss my silver lips and open
the entrance to an empty cave.
Stare into the fading sapphire
unto the empty gleam
of my translucent specter.
Bring you're shivering scythe
into my frozen throat.
Be a phantom to this end
of the story never written.
I pray you, break my chains,
these benevolent mortals.
I wish to view nothing
except for the hallowed abyss.
Carry me 'cross the river
into my halcyon trance.
Allow my closing breath.
Hold me tightly to this aeon.

Author's Note

A personal favorite of mine.

Reviews

[Ria Benthil]

INTRODUCTION:

Before I delve into the arcane wonders of this poem, I would like to express my first impressions of the poem while the words were still stationary. The format offers its flawless posture; a Modern Greek statue, if you will. The imagery is tended to carefully with the tender brush stroke of detail. Before I digested the poem, I already knew that there was something about the surface that was appealing even if I did not understand. From a biased standpoint, I feel as though you are submerged in shadow with your expressed poetry because of how much it is overlooked. In addition,
The first two lines are contradictions of one another since the speaker is telling the person to contain their breath, but then, telling them to breath into you. This indicates the purpose of offering life. "Hold your breath" may be in reference to asking the individual to surrender their essence to the speaker. In the literal sense, some may interpret it as sacrificing their life, but it does not necessarily propose this idea. The narrator could possibly be pleading to be revived from apathy.

"An empty cave" is the symbolic reference to the fear of isolation, and the void is succumbed with indifference. The "kiss" suggests that it is the entity that could possibly liberate such unfeeling. "Silver lips" is an exquisite image, indeed; it could possibly represent the act of exposing the entrapped emotion.

"Empty gleam" is another indication of an unfelt emotion, and it is evident within the illustration of the previous line. "The fading sapphire" evokes imagery of a night sky, and the desire that is attached to the nostalgic atmosphere. The fading aspect it displays the ruins of hope. The "translucent specter" is fundamentally a visible incorporeal spirit that could be attached to the narrator's alter ego or the fragment of himself. However, the third person attributes could also be directed towards a different character such as deceased loved one or someone that the speaker may have weakened, in a sense. The identity is kept hidden in clever riddles; it is weaved into the threads of the elegant poem. From a bold approach, if I were to read this in relation to my own life, it would either be a plethora of those I have damaged or components of my character.

"Bring your shivering scythe into my frozen throat.” The previous line is the part that I feel should be condensed into another stanza because of the speaker’s contrasting mood. In the first half of the poem, the speaker appears as though he is practically on his knees begging to regain his emotion, but the next half suggests that he submits himself to apathy. Instead of requesting life from the introduction, the narrator seems to be asking for death.

“Be a phantom to this end of the story never written.” In this line, it appears as though he wants the third party to become his martyr since he feels as though his autobiography (in a sense) will never be published in the spiritual sense. He does not seek glamour and recognition for his personal thoughts, and he merely shares his riddler poetry so he can evaluate himself internally. The speaker is a private creature; the fear of exposure may be the cause.

“I pray you, break my chains, these benevolent mortals.” I am unsure as to whether the speaker is praying to the “benevolent mortals” to free him or if he is asking to be detached from them. The only reason why it may produce confusion is because of how the grammar is set up.

Despite that compressive issue, I can safely assume that the narrator is asking to be isolated from humanity. In a sense, at this stage, I feel as though he has dehumanized himself in such a way that he does not want to associate with his former species.

The conclusion of the poem suggests that the speaker desires a haven, so to speak. Within the subsequent lines, the mood shifts again. In retrospect, the narrator appeared to want to become human; the desire to be revived. In the middle of the poem, he felt as though he could not attain his goal for humanity so he thought death would silence him. Therefore, he requested to be quarantined from the rest of mankind, and he perhaps was not sure where he wanted to go at this point of virtual death. In my analysis, he concluded that his place belonged to a contented world. To my surprise, I thought perhaps his self reflection would send him to a less pleasant location. However, with the line “Carry me 'cross the river
into my halcyon trance,” gave me the sense that serenity is his end, and that is what he simply desired. In a sense, his success was not perfection, but internal peace. The river imagery actually reminded me of Dante’s Inferno, but I am unsure how the allusion would relate. “Allow my closing breath.
Hold me tightly to this aeon,” is the conclusive couple that creates the interpretation of a fantasized death, and aeon speaks of eternity in this similar state. In a way, aeon could also suggest to be cursed. Most elements that exist for an extensive period of time tend to converge into a tedious cycle. A calm and contented state of being is prone to desire happiness since there is a difference in these terms at least by my perception. Happiness is the ideal emotion inhibited by the person that ceases greater desire. In contrast, content purposes the absence of emotion, but eventually, the individual will crave feeling even if it is pain for no one can reach the highest level if they do not experience love. Despite my perception, it is a customized heaven and hell for each person.

CONCLUSION

In response to the complete analysis of the poem, I would like to firstly thank you for invoking unique ideas in an abstract style. I can understand the vague quality to construct your material so that it will force to reader to arise at their own conclusions. The most appealing factor of your poem is that it is an ideal outlet for critical thinkers to broaden their thoughts as well as emotion. In regards to technique, vague words are the perfect utensils to digest the content as their own. Therefore, you become what you eat, so to speak. Simply, my analogy refers to how your tactics allow the reader to form their interpretation. As a result, the person actively learns about themselves rather than concentrating upon the writer who wrote it. Personally, I have learned this from you even if it took me awhile to arise at this epiphany. Honestly, my analytical nature could bend the ambiguous meaning to an “aeon” of pages. In addition, at first, I was going to suggest breaking them down in stanzas to emphasis the shift in mood I mentioned earlier. At this point, I feel as though the blended smudge of the emotion was suiting, and it is authentic because the human mind works in such a way. Primarily, I have gained much from this work of art, and it is a shame that most will not make the effort to absorb your words. In a nutshell, I found Crimson Silver to be profound, creative, authentic, and beautiful.

EXTRA OBSERVATION/CRITICISM

In response to my earlier observation of how you are a shadow, I also feel you suit this interpretation because you are not concerned with viewers understanding you, and therefore, do not have the desire to attempt advancement in your writing. In some respect, you value improvement, but I admire how you have not revised your poetry to too much extent. I am aware that you have the ambition to revise your work, but I think that you should let lay. From a personal opinion, Crimson Silver was your best written poetry especially in regards to structure and word choice. To be honest, I favor this poem because of its unique message in my mind’s eye, and the format fit flawlessly. It is as if you constructed both the lyrical aspect of the poem, and you offered its perfect mate with instruments. Primarily, I hope you found my review helpful and enlightening. I also hope you did not find it painfully long:P

Love,
Ayra Luccan

[Demi]

Wow. O.O I love it!! :D

[MuSe Ampoule]

Leave the pain of this world to exist in nostolgia for the bliss of memories is hard to surpass...that's my take from this. Hope I'm not too far off. I could go into a line by line review of this...but I don't want to put you to sleep.

This is good, great imagery and flow.