My hard run with life

A Story by Rayner Ramsay

This is a very deep telling of my life. I am going to tell you very personal things that I have had to deal with so please take note

This is a story of me and my life. I have had it rough I admit, and I am not trying to kiss anyone's backsides when I say this because I have no reason to. But I will not be explaining my whole entire life because that would be plain old boring and wrong. But I will tell you about how hard my life has been for the last three years. Where to begin I wonder?

It all started three years ago.I was eighteen at the time and was having a bit of down time. I was getting nothing but grief from my boss at work and started to change in to this strange and very angry person. So I had no option but to chuck in my job. Once I did I began looking for more. But it was a week later that something bazaar happened to me. No I was not hit by a truck, car, bus, train, or even a bird. I was hit by something called an unknown illness. And it has stayed with me ever since.

When it started it was just an ache in my right knee. I didn't think anything of it, who would? But as three weeks went by I began to feel different. I started to walk with a limp instead of being able to walk properly. I went to my doctor yet again and got an opinion of what it could be but he was unsure. It put me in a hard place because I was having a hard time trying to find work with a condition that left me weak after a mare hours hard work. I got told to go to the hospital and see what they though but yet again, I was told they did not know, or that it might possibly be Monoarthiritis. I had no idea what that was, I was eighteen.

But as the weeks rolled on, I got an understanding that things were going to change for me. In a very very bad way. I had to go to physiotherapy to see if they could assist me. But I was sadly mistaken when they gave me seven sessions that did jack all. But they did give me crutches. That would only last for so long before I had to go and see a Rheumatologist. He proved to be the biggest pain in my a*s since it had all begun. He kept telling me that I needed to see the physio again so I did. But when the physio said that it might be a slipped disk in my back, the Rheumatologist went ape s**t. He went on to tell me that the physio didn't know what they were talking about and basically discarded the idea. So I was back to square one yet again.

But as four months flicked over on the calendar, I was sent to an occupational therapist. This was when the year rolled over to 2011. I was living in a new place with my sister and her kids when everything went to hell for me once again. The house that we had moved in was too good to be true. Many of you may be skeptics, but I really don't care. The place was freaking haunted by some type of demonic presence. So when everything got to be too much for me, I decided to go for a small weeks holiday in Hamilton. That is my home town by the way. I went to stay with Mum for a little bit, but it turned out to be a permanent arrangement after a while.

I got to see new doctors, see a friend I hadn't seen since I was sixteen, and even got to see how things had changed in the old pond. But things too got overwhelming for me once again and I couldn't take it. Things boiled over, I got depressed, became slightly crazy, then basically fell off the wagon. No I didn't turn to drugs or alcohol abuse, I turned to something that would let me be free again. I had turned to something I had never done before in my life and for a while it did work. But it didn't make me feel any better when my family found out I was physically harming myself. All I wanted was to escape from everything and not look back on it. But this didn't help me anymore when I was starting to go crazy from everything in my life.

I had an old enemy of mine from high school. i hated. He was the reason I left school and I wanted revenge. I wanted to make him suffer so much that he wanted to beg for death. But I got help and started to heal. But it too ran out and I was put on medication to prevent this from happening. I saw doctor after doctor, specialist after specialist. All could not help me. And they still can't.

But even after all of this I can feel my life slipping into craziness again. Like I want to take a steel pipe and beat life until it looks and sounds different. I am still living in this hell that I dare not tell anyone about as it hurts too much to speak of. My best friend of 14 years abandoned me. I don't have anyone to help, I don't have anyway of curing what is wrong with me. Nothing can get rid of my pain. My weakness. My limp. My spine going numb. And my hands going numb and tingling. Nothing helps no matter what I try. So this is me, telling you about my hardship in my life. It is not yet over for I know how it will end, but I will keep going for as long as I can.

© 2013 Rayner Ramsay

Author's Note

life is an asshole, so here is my life and why you might understand why my stories, and thoughts and everything are so horrible

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Reviews

Rob Lodge

This is an exceptionally good piece of writing and I thank you for sharing it. My illness is a mental one but I have many of those same emotions and have been overwhelmed by them at times. I am glad you are finding that writing helps and I hope you can continue with it. I also find it incredibly cathartic and helpful for getting over the hard times. I will read the rest of your work once I can give it the time it clearly deserves and let you know what I think.