A Letter to the Management

A Letter to the Management

Dear God,
     First off let me tell you that your customer service here on Earth sucks. They have been doing all sorts of crazy, sick and terrible things and I think your customers are starting to lose faith in your product. I know I sure am. Whomever you have in human resources needs a sound verbal thrashing and needs to be discharged immediately. I can say though, however, with all honesty, that your stores are very well built. They are awesome to look at. I always enjoy my visit and your marketing staff do an excellent job.
     Unfortunately, I am not very satisfied with the product I have received, although my parents ordered it for me and I was supposed to take care of it, I thought I would receive a little more help from you or the home office or your inept customer service but to no avail. The fact is your product has become defective and is breaking down faster than can be repaired and no one has any replacement parts. I was assured by one of your customer service people that my issues were going to be addressed but to date neither you nor any one from the home office has contacted me or offered a solution to my problem. While I appreciate the free bonuses I received with the order, i.e. Talent: 'The desire to create art, music, writing' and Emotion: 'The joy of wanting love and receiving love', you failed to send included, the necessary packaging and personality units to complete the set, as well as spare parts which I am in need of.
     I realize that all sales are final but I am asking as a faithful and loyal customer that you might be willing to make good on some of the promises you included with your guarantee...which by the way was a long and tedious read. Maybe you could jazz it up a little and be a little more insightful and clear in it's meaning in the next version of it?
     All in all Sir, I am extremely dissatisfied with the service and end product I have received. If you do not respond to my query I may be force to take these issues up with a lower, however more approachable authority.
    Your valued customer,
                                   Raymond

P.S. While I enjoy music of all types, I find the "In-store" music a little pretentious and overbearing at times. Please "lighten" it up a bit.

Reviews

[Nusquam Esse]

Haha, classic write here! If you manage to get in touch with a more approachable lower, let me know. I have also been trying to get some sort of response back for years. I don't even demand a refund, just someone to make good beyond the point of sale. They said they were "Omnipotent", but just like Walmart's "Everyday Low Prices"... I am starting to suspect that I have been conned.

[Raymond Federle]

you took the words right outta my mouth.. :)

[Pryde Foltz]

.e. Talent: 'The desire to create art, music, writing' and Emotion: 'The joy of wanting love and receiving love', you failed to send included, the necessary packaging and personality units to complete the set, as well as spare parts which I am in need of

hahah … awesome piece.

[icelandicblue]

This was perfect. I love the idea of writing a letter of complaint and you did it oh so well. I laughed out loud at the alternative:

If you do not respond to my query I may be forced to take these issues up with a lower, however more approachable authority.

I hear his phones are open 24/7 and their motto is play now pay later. I found this was very amusing and yet insightful regarding the whole no returns policy.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

ah yes...organized religion has really bad management...and they are misrepresenting God's product, badly...

customers are having too many complaints, and bringing too many of the principles taught them back after only a few years. merchandise quite flawed.

[Michael Stevens]

Very clever write, this poem!

[paddy d daly]

I suspect the vatican and all other relevant authorities have no access here, otherwise you would surely be censored by now, great read raymond and a great laugh.

[Frieda P]

Ha sell your soul to the devil and be done with it Ray....LOL, you have a direct line eh? ;-)

[Vidya Bacchus]

You know everything looks good in the store and when you get home it isn't all it was cracked up to be.Well penned and wisely written .You are gonna be so shocked if you do get a refund lol.Just saying :)

[A. Amos]

RF you are the man, after this letter I think we want to see you in politics as you represent the world good....very interesting read

[Tate Morgan]

If this is about the cafe i totally concur and like the poem i wrote about the corporate jackboots i can feel them on my neck all the time as profit outstrips performance