The War Within

What soul of war, black as hell, as dark as night, 
And ruined love, when it is built anew blistered,
I will be true, despite your scythe and sword. It is but the seemly reignment of my heart turned and twisted. 

When I, against my heart, with you partake?
Like to the birds, at break of day rising, 
not to tell of good or evil thoughts. 
In me you see the glowing of such fire,

That better is, by evil, still made better;
The one by pain, the other to complain;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head, 
And keep by drooping her weathered mane,

Nor are my ears, with your tongues tune delighted;
When proud, poised Jupiter, dressed in all his trim,
is not but just a lover slighted,
loyal to himself at the bitters end.

Author's Note

Reviews

[Blue]

"When proud, poised Jupiter, dressed in all his trim,
is not but just a lover slighted,
loyal to himself at wars bitters end."

Impressive, Raymond. I love your wordplay and figurative pictures. I'm not fond of using planets in my poems so I admire those who can. ;)

[Raymond Federle]

Well, in this case I'm using 'Juipter' in the Greek mythology sense. Jupiter or Jove is the king of the old gods. Here's a link to check it out if your interested. >>>>> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jupiter_(mythology) There is a lot of inspiration to write!

[Blue]

Oh. I was slow to get it. Haha.

[Raymond Federle]

Not at all... I suppose it's not exceedingly clear in the piece. Maybe I can rework something...another stanza perhaps to tie it in! :) Always appreciate your reviews!

[Blue]

Sometimes the problem is in the reader. I'm not good at giving reviews, you know. Haha. But thank you for considering it. :)

[Bri]

Spoken like a true poet. I like what you've said there. It's beautiful. great job, keep it up.

[Frieda P]

Love the conflicted emotions, love the music...

That better is, by evil still made better;
The one by toil, the other to complain;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head,
And keep by drooping her weathered mane,

Killer stanza Ray....

[Ruth]

The confliction here is inspiring, the heart voiced poignantly and still it's urge to continue on, a malady and perplexing, awesome wording too, oldey worldly feel ! x

[Raymond Federle]

Thanks sooo much for taking the time to review Poppy, always a pleasure when you drop by! :)

[Ruth]

Always my pleasure hon x

[Baby Ricochet]

Interesting poem and choice of metaphors. Good one

[icelandicblue]

Contradictions, conflicts and conflagrations rage in us all. You've captured the essence of our struggles quite well in this piece.

[Michael Stevens]

I loved this; no, I hated it; shut myself up, yo! No, very nice poem!

[Vidya Bacchus]

This is great Raymond.The war that rages inside us all that we fight with ourselves is epic.You have penned this well :)

[A. Amos]

Last four verses are essence.... Good read

[Nusquam Esse]

I don't even know why, but I do actually like this. Especially that last stanza. Out of curiosity, you are familiar with the poetic form for Jupiter, Jove, yes? Which interestingly enough is derived from the very word Love. If not, I would definitely recommend considering its usage; although perhaps Jupiter may work better, more of a forceful tone to it.

[paddy d daly]

confliction reigns within the mind, the day to day thought process a war in itself.... a thought provoking piece raymond...