The War Within

What soul of war, black as hell, as dark as night, 
And ruined love, when it is built anew blistered,
I will be true, despite your scythe and sword. It is but the seemly reignment of my heart turned and twisted. 

When I, against my heart, with you partake?
Like to the birds, at break of day rising, 
not to tell of good or evil thoughts. 
In me you see the glowing of such fire,

That better is, by evil, still made better;
The one by pain, the other to complain;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head, 
And keep by drooping her weathered mane,

Nor are my ears, with your tongues tune delighted;
When proud, poised Jupiter, dressed in all his trim,
is not but just a lover slighted,
loyal to himself at the bitters end.

Author's Note

Reviews

[Blue]

"When proud, poised Jupiter, dressed in all his trim,
is not but just a lover slighted,
loyal to himself at wars bitters end."

Impressive, Raymond. I love your wordplay and figurative pictures. I'm not fond of using planets in my poems so I admire those who can. ;)

[Raymond Federle]

Well, in this case I'm using 'Juipter' in the Greek mythology sense. Jupiter or Jove is the king of the old gods. Here's a link to check it out if your interested. >>>>> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jupiter_(mythology) There is a lot of inspiration to write!

[Blue]

Oh. I was slow to get it. Haha.

[Raymond Federle]

Not at all... I suppose it's not exceedingly clear in the piece. Maybe I can rework something...another stanza perhaps to tie it in! :) Always appreciate your reviews!

[Blue]

Sometimes the problem is in the reader. I'm not good at giving reviews, you know. Haha. But thank you for considering it. :)

[Trevor Barnett]

A very good write Raymond! Love the play of words here.

[Bluefire]

It is unclear and strange like an animal never witnessed before. Is it dangerous? Is it friendly? How does it live? How does it operate?
I like the mystery and unique wording.
Well done!

[s y e]

Your poetry always pulls me in... I adore it. I love how there is always a deeper meaning in your poetry when you read between the lines.

Another great piece, kudos!

[Kenneth The Poet]

What William Tecumseh Sherman said.

[Raymond Federle]

War is cruelty. There is no use trying to reform it. The crueler it is, the sooner it will be over.
-William Tecumseh Sherman

[Kenneth The Poet]

Exactly right.

[Brittany Zedalis]

Your poetry never fails to pull me in and keep me there. Great job!

[Pryde Foltz]

That better is, by evil still made better;
The one by toil, the other to complain;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head,
And keep by drooping her weathered mane,

Always sensing keeps one from being weighed down by what they sense. Excellent, Raymond, just excellent.

[RealistMe]

I really like the line, which reads, "If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head".

[kublakhan27]

No war is as intense as the one that is fought between the ears. A vivid and enthralling read...well done :)

[Lyn Anderson]

This is a wonderful write too, Raymond. It is fascinating to feel you through your poetry.