An defining moment in my life would be the moments previous to my surgery on December 18,2012. It was 4 minutes to 8 am, as I walked down the OR hallway against a huge amounts of unknowns and fears. ‘’What if this isn’t right?’’ ‘’What if it doesn’t work?’’ ‘’What if this is the wrong decision?’’ ‘’What if it doesn’t help?’’ ‘’What if I die?’’ ‘’Will I survive the surgery?’’ ‘’ Will I be happy with my decision in the future?’’ ‘’ What if something goes wrong?’’ ‘’ What if.. What if’’ There were many ‘’what ifs’ and fears spinning through my head like that scene in the Wizard of Oz where the Tornado spins around and everything in it’s path gets sucked up into it and is spun around it’s spirals of terror. That was my head in those last and final moments as I lied down onto the operating table, still not knowing many things and fear making me tremble on the inside. I was terrified, but I tried to stay calm, as they put the IV in my hand and spoke to me. I looked around the room at these people with masks on their faces and caps on their heads, and then in that moment I realized I’m intrusting my life into the hands of complete strangers. The only people I knew were my surgeon, but even then him and I aren’t buddy-buddy, let’s go out for a Tim’s or whatever. And then there was the anaesthesiologist and her colleague, who I met moments ago. And these to women would monitor me for the next 7 to 10 hours, and keep me alive and asleep. I looked down at my hand and watched the anaesthesiologists’ colleague struggle with my stubborn veins, numb from the numbing cream that they put onto my hand ten minutes earlier. I watched as they started flicking my hand after a few moments of trying to find a vein. I looked over to my Dad, holding my hand, looking into the eyes of a man who gave me life, and who had been my best friend. Our dysfunctional relationship became simple and complex at that same moment. Here, is the man, the one who helped give me life, who’s known me my entire life, who’s been my best friend and my first love, watching my possible last and final moments. Wow, that must have been scary to watch as a father, knowing there’s a even small chance your baby won’t make it. That you’ll never see them again and that you’ll have to trust their life in the hands of strangers. I looked back down to my hand, the anaesthesiologist finally came in and tried it herself after trying to show her colleague who really was resident. I looked up at my Dad, making funny faces to make it less of a serious and overbearing moment, I wanted to see him smile, even if it was just a goofy smirk or even a giggle. He chuckled as I stuck out my tongue as doctors and nurses prepared the room and machines and monitors for my surgery. I was so enchanted by this moment with Dad, I almost didn’t realize that they finally got my IV in. My surgeon said a few things, I don’t remember what exactly. And then they came over with the mask that would feed me anaesthetics. It had been my first experience with anaesthetics and we had no idea how I would react or recover from them, it was a very scary moment as I breathed in these drugs that could possibly kill me. Later, I was told that anaesthetics bring you the closest to death without actually killing you, and that they take your will to live away. took deep breaths, as they tightened the mask and I started to feel numb and tingly. I looked around and thought about my family, my dog, and those most important to me, like my best friend, Lauren and my boyfriend, Damien. I looked up at my Dad and said ‘’ Bye Dad’’ and my eyes slammed shut and that was the last moment of life as I knew it.
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