Bullies Shove, but I push back

This is my bullying story

My story begins before school years, before kindergarden really. But those memories are very vague. So I'll start my story in Grade one. I did have a few friends at this time, but I spent alot of my time by myself. I had friends but they had there own groups of friends besides me and would spend more time with them with me, this did bother me, but I just accepted it as reality. To me, it was just the way it was. I remember blaming myself for them not wanting to spend as much time with me or wanting to include me in their groups or games, I couldn't figure out what I did wrong. I did spend alot of time thinking about this. But that's aside from what I never expected to happen. Let me remind you this is in Grade One. I was sitting in the soccer field beside the play ground, nearby the pavement where four square, skipping ropes and other fun games were played. I sat in the grass, picking the grass and thinking deeply on life and other things. Knowing me, I was probably trying to solve some problem or something. So I did not expect anything. Then all of the sudden, a raid of Grade ones, twos and threes runs towards my backside.I am knocked over and dog piled on. It was difficult to breathe. I remember screaming for help, but that made the lack of ability to breathe worse. I don't remember what happened next, but I do remember finding out later on that the leader of this mob of kids was my best and closest friend. I was devestated. I had never done anything wrong to her, and what happened could have hurt me or killed me.Throughout my friendship with her that I remember she would do awfully mean things to me, I remember over hearing her talking to my younger brother trying to convince him to hate me and hurt me. I didn't understand what I did to her, I was nothing but kind to her...

Then Grade two came along, and I lost alot of friends, no one really liked me in my class, but  I tried to be nice to everyone. But I was still unincluded and disliked by many. I remember a boy in the class who was making orgami, and made one for everyone in the class but me. I asked him nicely if I could have one and he refused. The teacher asked him to make me one, when she noticed what had happened, he sighed and said '' Do I have to?'' He made me one after the teacher insisted and I thanked him.

I changed schools that summer, and in Grade Three I had a fresh new start. I was so excited to find out an old friend of mine was going to the same school I was going to. But sadly that didn't last. The same person I thought would be my friend ended up to be my worse nightmare and a bully. My old friend had a group of friends,all girls. The girls on there own were really nice, but when they were leaded by my ''old friend'' they were like The Plastics in Mean Girls. It was awful, they wouldn't allow me to be involved in anything, and when they finally did, they'd trick me and make fun of me. I tried hanging out with a group of guys but they didn't like me, and they were friends with these Elementary School ''Mean Girls'. It was really difficult being the 'new kid'. And when I finally found decent people to hang out with, they didn't like me or everyone didn't like them and would make fun of us for hanging out. Then I became friends with some younger kids, who were really nice. But the Plastics thought it was pathetic to be hanging out with these ''babies'. Whereever I went,whatever I did these girls made fun of me and ridiculed me.It got to the point where my mom asked the principal if she could supervise the playground during a recess, he agreed. The Plastics were somewhat kind to me with my mom watching and kept asking why she was there. Then, when she left they made fun of me for needing my Mommy to protect me.It was a sad and difficult time. At the end of Grade Three my ''old friend'' left our school. I rejoyced, but it wasn't for long...

Grade Four. The year both previous grade 3 classes were merged to create a Grade four class. I made new friends in this class and it was pretty good, but not for long. A new girl came from Colombia. She was decent with her english and you wouldn't expect what her true colours were. I befriended her, and I tried to help her with her english and her studies. I knew a little spanish and I tried to help. Let's call her Hannah. I had another friend, who was very controlling and everything had to be her way, let's call her Terry. Though I was good friends with her and another girl, Ashley. That didn't stop them from bullying and betraying me. Terry was a very controlling and manipulative girl, if you didn't do what she said or did what she wanted all hell broke loose. Hannah on the other hand appeared shy and gentle, but wow did she have a mouth on her, and she really knew how to make you feel like nothing. If she fell a small distance and fell to the ground she would cry and scream like she was a victim in a horror film and blame it on me. Even if she tripped. There were occasions when she blamed me for her tripping when I was on the other side of the playground when she fell. I guess I had some magical power I didn't know about. There were occasions when Hannah would say something really mean or do something wrong and I would tell the teacher and her response would be '' Don't be so hard on her, She's new to Canada, She probably didn't even know what she was saying/doing.You guys should really be nicer to her.'' Our teacher gave us the same response and sometimes a lecture to everyone who complained about her, even when she started stealing property and there were witnesses. This angered me for a very long time. It was unfair. Later that year I was walking around the playground by myself deep in thought, A t girl who I considered a friend called out to me ''Hey Sharaya! Come here!'' I came over to her and her friend accompaining her. I started to talk to them, but before I could, She kicked me in between the legs in my lady area with her WINTER BOOTS. Okay, any girl who's been kicked there, knows the pain..Especially when it's a more than decent shot. Then after she kicked me her and her friend walked away laughing. I continued walking, with a weird angled strut from the pain. Looking down, as people laughed at me or ignored me. Before the end of this school year my best and only friend passed away, my dog. He was always there for me when I came home crying or hid away in my room, He'd always greet me when I came home from school with my eyes watering or full blown balling. He was always there to comfort me, and I lost the last and final real friend I ever had. The bullying eased up a bit, but still was there. I sat alone at lunch and a girl in my class named Mae would check on me or some of my friends, but it wasn't the same. 

Grade five.

The Plastics are back! Twofaced Terry, Horrible Hannah and Terry's other face.And that's not all, The Mean Girls from grade three have found a new leader. Terry Constantly ridiculed and told me my ideas weren't good enough or wrong, especially when we were doing group projects or assignments. She would become the self proclaimed leader and tell you who would be in the group and bully everyone into doing what SHE wanted and if you didn't do what she wanted all hell would break loose and if you continued questioning her self proclaimed authority the whole group would be effected and then everyone would hate you for standing up to her. No one would stand up to her because of her power. She claimed power over everything and everyone and she didn't get what she wanted or you didn't do what she wanted you'd be ridiculed and outcasted even exiled. And when I got exiled from the group sometimes for no reason or she decided to take someone new (usually someone who was absent during the project and she could easily manipulate) into the group in exchange for me. I usually ended up exiled in groups with people that didn't like me for whatever reason. Which was horrible, and they wouldn't let me contribute my ideas, they only used me to get their work done faster. During this period of time, I started to get even more sick and tired of it and I started to stop tolerating it, and sometimes I would become hard and say harsh things to others including my bullies and frienmies. I started speaking up to the teacher and giving him the heads up when something was happening, and got my parents more envolved in it. Instead of refusing their help. My anger towards my bullies created alot of rescentment and made me more hard and harsh on others. I became harder on my younger brother,sometimes taking my frustration out on him...when he would bother me or do something wrong. My relationship with my brother was devestatingly effected by this, and it didn't get much better. We started taking out our anger on each other, both verbally and sometimes even physically. And it didn't get better from there.

Grade Six 

My Dad left my mom the summer of 2009, a few days after their anniversary. I was 11 at the time and my brother was 8. It was an extremely hard and devestating time and it made me fall into a deep depression. I thought I was the reason he left, because of something I said a week before he left.  I blamed myself for the entire thing. For months and months and months I blamed myself for every tear that My mother and brother shed, which was alot, because for months and months thats all the three of us did. Was Cry. I have never cried nor seen someone cry that much in my entire life, and it was especially painful to see my mother cry. She became extremely weak, for months she never left her bed. She'd just stay in there and cry, all the time. All I heard, saw or comforted were tears. My mother was too weak to be a mother, and my brother being so young, I took the responsiblity of ''mother'', ''caregiver'' and ''parent'' for both my mother and my brother, a burden and a duty an eleven year old girl should never have to carry.When my mother would cry, I would hold her and wipe away her tears. It was so horrible to see her that weak. I even had to call my grandmother to come over because my mom was crying so much and calling for her mom.I grew up pretty fast that summer. Not just through my growths spurts, but as a person. I was no longer the child I used to be, I grew up way too fast, in a short amount of time. I lost my innocence in the most horrid of ways. I started to punish myself for my Dad leaving. I thought he didn't love me anymore, and if my own father didn't love me, how could any guy ever love me? and if my Dad didn't want me, (because in my mind he obviously didn't) how could any guy want me? I didn't believe it was possible and I started to toss myself at guys who would use, abuse and toy with me because I thought I deserved it. I started to act on my depression, thought about cutting alot, but the nights I almost did, I stopped myself and left the bathroom. When I was home alone or I knew I would be I would hide the sharp objects from myself. But that didn't stop me from hurting myself in other ways. I would say things to myself or about myself both in my head and out loud that would degrate myself to nothing, because I thought I deserved it. One night with my friends from out of town, we played ''chicken'' in the street. But I purposely slowed down when a car came. 'It'd look like an accident'' I thought. But something would get me to keep moving, keep walking, keep running, keep jumping, keep wanting to make it to the other side of the street. That,whatever that was stopped me from doing alot of stupid things. Saved my life even, which I am very thankful for. When school began that fall, it wasn't the greatest reunion, I hadn't told anyone about my parents' separation, but they had noticed I was acting different. 

That fall was a hard one, my entire class started to turn on me, and not many people at my school liked me. That's when the cyber bullying got worse, and the bullying in general got worse. It was as if they knew I was at my all time low. And when one of the members of a group of guys who bullied me got in trouble, it got worse when the dust seemd to settle.My frienemies Terry and Hannah continued there rain of terror and mischief, always knowing when to start drama. Near the end of the year, My teacher finally got sick and tired of it of all the nastiness and my reports and no one taking action and he took it into his own hands. It was a movie day in our class and he took us 4 girls aside ( Terry, Hannah, Ashley and I) and talked to us. We kind of had an intervention. There were some tears from every girl and it was a growth experience, but it also caused more terror. Terry after this meeting wouldn't stop asking me what she was doing wrong, she was blind to her behaviour and how she hurt me so badly for 3 years. She told me to tell her when she's doing something wrong and she'll stop. I believed her, I was wrong to do so. When I would address it to her, she'd refuse to accept that behaviour as wrong or that it would upset me. It was like a teammate in a sports game refusing to accept a foul. The end of that year was a bittersweet one.Terry and Hannah changed schools, which was a good thing, but Learning to live as a family of 3, instead of a family of four without Dad in the  house everything was weird, and out of porportion. Although he lived down the street it wasn't the same to have your Dad as your neighbour as it was to have him living in the same house.

Grade Seven

A new girl let's call her Danielle came to our school,She was pretty, smart and althetic and down right mean. She became friends with all the guys within the week and they adored her. In the begining of the year I had a scuffle with her, and a guy named Chris. It ended off with me being cyberbullied for being different and then it getting worse because I stood up for myself. They really knew how to cause drama and cause termoil to my life but so did my frienemy Britany. That year I met a guy online that I liked and we exchanged numbers. Somehow she got his number and started texting him. When she found out I liked him, since I wasn't allowed to date, she dated him. She did this with every guy I ever liked, and when she got the guy I liked in her clutches she'd try to hook me up with someone else to 'distract' me from realizing what she was going to do before she'd date my crushes. After She did that with a guy I really liked, almost loved, I couldn't trust her the same way. I felt betrayed and worthless. How could she do that to me? I never did anything to her. But I continued my friendship with her, because without her I'd have no friends because she was friends with all my other friends and didn't take kindly to those who decided they weren't going to be her friend anymore. During this time period Drama between Ashley, Brittany and Ashley's older sister Taylor occured on and off.That Decemeber I was diagnosed with scoliosis,which is abnormal curvature of the spine.It left me with two curves in my spine, barely noticable but still painful. It made gym class extremely painful and sitting in class was unbearable. Sometimes the pain was so bad I'd struggle to breathe, but I didn't complain not even when I nearly collapsed. Shortly after my diagnoses I got a back brace, which I wore underneath my clothing. This caused a whole new book of material to work with for my bullies. By this time,most of the school disliked me for whatever reason and bullied me for every little thing that made me me. This kept me in a dark place for a long time and it didn't stop there. 

Grade Eight

A new girl came during the end of grade seven who was mean to everyone, but the guys loved her. She was pretty,skinny and knew how to talk to guys to get them into her grasp. This girl wrote statuses on facebook about how ugly and stupid everyone in our class was especially the girls and named names, including mine.She made fun of me for my back brace and teased me because she believed she was better than everyone, and especially me. Her and the guys I used to like made life hell. and So I rebelled which surprised them, they couldn't believe it! and they were offended by what I said but they didn't know what to say. So from then on I started standing up for myself more instead of being a victim. I started to grow as a person and accept and respect myself more. I decided I was no longer going to be friends with Britany and Taylor, which had it's consquences but it was worth it. Despite the harrassment and bullying and constant phone calls,text messages and even being stalked it was worth it because it was the first time I stood up and said '' Hey this isn't okay.I do not deserve to be treated like this.the way you're treating me isn't right.I do not want you to be my friend, goodbye.''

Grade Nine

I started standing up to my bullies new ones and old ones and said things that caught them off guard.There reactions were priceless. I no longer allowed what people thought or said about me or to me bother me. I decided I know who I am, and if they don't like it, that's there problem.

Grade Ten (Now)

I've continued to stand up for myself against bullies and people who tell me who I am and what I can and can not do. I have taken control of my life and not allowed other people make decisions for me. I have new amazing friends who treat me right. I have met an amazing guy who loves me for me and he has proven wrong all those things I used to believe. He's truly my best friend, he loves me and cares for me and would do anything for me. He's proven to me his love and his loyalty  to me and he's always there for me and by my side.I recently had major spinal surgery (Spinal Fusion Surgery) to correct my scoliosis, and Im recovering from that now. I've had the amazing support from my boyfriend, my friends and my amazing family both by blood and my many extended families. I am completing this semester from the comforts of home thanks to my home instruction teacher,Stacy. And even though this surgery and recovery was not easy its already been well worth it.I have re-learned to walk,eat/drink,sleep and I'm still learning and getting better! At 6 weeks post op, I am no longer in pain anymore and Ive gained a few inches aha!  I'm happy to say my surgery was a success with 70 % correction and NO blood loss - which is a miracle!I am so happy and thankful for all the amazing people in my life, and I would like to thank them all for believing in me and being there for me. Ive gained alot of new friends all over the world and I am the admin of three Facebook pages, all supporting and helping people. My first one is my scoliosis awareness page where I have promoted spreading scoliosis awareness, in contact  and supporting with many scoliotics ( people with scoliosis) and I've shared my scoliosis story with the world. You can walk through my journey of having scoliosis,the back braces, the surgery and recovery and I update it on a regular basis! Heres the link here https://www.facebook.com/ScoliosisAwarenessTeamsSpine?fref=ts

I have also created a page in the hopes of changing the world and making a difference in the world around me. Here I promote changing the world, good deeds and making a difference. Giving people a variety of ideas they can do to change the world and help out there communties.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Make-a-Difference/524840460890299?fref=ts

And lastly, a facebook page dedicated to women and girls. In the hopes of raising self esteem, making all girls feel beautiful and accepting our flaws and not allowing them to drag us down. A place to encourage young girls and women to rise above stereotypes and media/society and be who they are and love themsevles for who they are. I'm currently focusing on self esteem. I would be honoured if you 'liked' or followed any of these pages.

I am very happy to say I have risen above depression and defeated it and I'm doing very well. I can go outside without an ounce of make up and I am proud of who I am, and I'm not afraid to be my true self. Thank you to all of those who have supported me and been there for me. Paws up forever .