F**k you, Scoliosis

Hunched back,

Twisted spine.

Bent shoulders,

Messed up mind.

I checked the messages on my phone,

And got the message I’ve been waiting for so long.

The words she spoke have changed my life.

My self esteem cut in half,

With her sharp tongue, like a knife.

How cruel the world could be,

To make a young girl need surgery?

It’s such a painful thing to know,

The date of when they’ll  cut you open 

And slit you down.

So from that day  on, 

An ugly scar will make you frown.

You will refuse to look in the mirror,

The fear of this scar,

Its so vivid, so clear.

So terrified of this date,

It’s coming so close, it is so near.

Before I know it it’ll be here!

It came so much closer than I expected it to be.

Will  my family be there for me?

It’s a question, and the answer I fear.

I want them to be there,

But I don’t want them to have to watch me to endure the pain.

They’ll have to watch me cry like rain.

What will I have to gain if I go through this,

I’m going to go insane.

I am petrified of this date,

They’ll cut me open before it’s too late.

They’ll watch me and my heart rate,

Even donate their blood.

They say I’m strong and courageous,

 and that I’ll get through this,

But I am unsure if I am.

They say I’ll be okay,

They keep bringing it up,

It bothers me.

They say I’m beautiful,

And that I’ll get through this in a sitch.

I’m unsure if they’re right, 

I mean my life isn’t Lilo and Stitch.

Will they be there for me?

‘’Ohana means family,

And family means no body gets left behind.’’

Does that apply to all families?

I hope it does to mine.

I’m so nervous,

I’m so afraid,

I don’t feel strong,

What if something goes terribly wrong?

People keep telling me how strong I am,

And that I’ll get through this,

Or maybe I am just really good at pretend.

I just want this to end,

I’m tired of pain,

Tired of rain.

Will this wound ever mend?

Where will this ever end?

Where is Hope? I seek for you, my friend.

Today I got my surgery date,

It was nearly two months late.

I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Is it better knowing or not knowing?

I don’t know,

I’ll get through this, 

That I know.

It will only help me grow.

Reviews

[fiery-san]

Your anxieties and fears are well portrayed in this poem as well as pieces of your life that makes one wonder...

Warning: Advice from a total stranger (please don't be offended)

surgery no matter in what form can be frightening but it's okay to be scared, it's okay to doubt, it's okay to feel whatever you're feeling right now...

I never had undergone a surgery in my life so I can't really grasp your fear as well as others but I do understand and I do empathize...

I'm not going to say that everything after the operation would be all rainbows and butterflies, recovering is a process and you're going to need all the support you get...

your family members and friends are there for you (myself included if you'd allow) don't be afraid to speak out whatever you are feeling be it after or before the operation...it's better to get it all out actually, it gives your heart less stress during the procedure...

also (I'm going to get all medical here) comply with whatever medication or therapy your doctor recommends, you won't see the progress or changes immediately, it'll take time, you just have to be strong and survive because you'll eventually get your own moment with rainbows and butterflies.

P.S. If you already went under the knife, is currently recovering and received this review... all I can say is, get well soon. ^_^

[Soul Fire]

Thank you so very much :D and mt surgery is the 18, I'm going to be in the hospital over Christmas

[TL Boehm]

I just stumbled across this today while reading other things. I had to come read this one as well as I was pulled in by the title. I had a friend in HS who wore a brace because of scoliosis and supposedly I had a mild form of it although it has never been an issue for me personally (found it in my medical chart...weird) When our bodies are supposed to work and grow a certain way - and they don't it can be devastating to us to deal with it. This poem is anthemic and shouts that frustration.

[Soul Fire]

Thank you very much, TL

[SHEEMA HUQ]

I felt that this was moving, captivating and very well written, very well done Pax

[Soul Fire]

Thank you

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful poem. I could feel the desire to lose the pain and hope for a cure. My grandmother had Scoliosis as a child. She got cured and lived a good life. 95 years. I hope the operation is soon. People who know and live with pain. Appreciate life and a healthy body. I hope all is well with you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Soul Fire]

Thank you very much, I had the operation just before Christmas, and I'm 3 weeks post op now. I'm doing very well. Thank you very much for your review.

[Lina Grey]

oiii i'm sorry hun. I've got a friend with scolios, and I don't think anyone should have to go through that. If you need to talk inbox me, kk? Despite all the confusion and worry in your piece, I think you're a very brave girl and you'll come out on top in the end.

[Soul Fire]

Thank you so much,Lina! It's really appreciated!

[Salar Majak]

ok, today i just needed one more thing to explode, this was it, you made my eyes tear up and a chill ran down my spine, i don't want to tell you to be strong and i don't want to tell you that yo'll get through this, i just want to say, i've been there, and that this will pass, maybe you feel so confused now but, it wil pass.

[Soul Fire]

Thank you very much. I'm getting surgery for my scoliosis next week

[Salar Majak]

good luck!! i hope you'll pass this saftly!

[Soul Fire]

Thank you Aurora! :D

[Salar Majak]

hey, how did the surgery go?

[Jordan's Back]

Im sorry your having to go through this, you will definitely be in my prayers. This is another brilliant write you have done and I commend you on your bravery.

[Soul Fire]

Thank you so very much, Jordan :)

[Jordan's Back]

Its Jeff, Jordan is one of my middle names and I use it as a pen name, but I hope it gets better for you. You need to talk inbox me :)

[Soul Fire]

Sorry Jeff :)

[Jordan's Back]

No probs :P

[A. V. Madison]

My lord, this brought me to tears.

I have a friend who has scoliosis, her name is Savanna.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, no one deserves this. Get well soon, lovie. *hugs*

[Soul Fire]

Thank you very much, Im getting surgery for it in 9 days. just before christmas

[Adam Whitworth]

well done

[Soul Fire]

Thank you

[quinfinn]

surgery can be quite frightening, i have had three in my life but this is about you, so we will stop there. your family will be there for you, trust me, no one loves more deeply than family...and anyway, your writerscafe family is here for you all the time and you may certainly always count on me to be here for you. i will be a friend. all you gotta do is click. this poem is full of hope, doubt and fear. let's try real hard to make it only hope that enters your heart from now on. turn your fear into fierce pride and righteous indignation! you will do it, Raya!!

[Soul Fire]

Aww, Thank you so much, Quin (: