Envy

I don’t know why he hates me, he just does. Its not that I care, I used to. But now, I’m just curious, what did I ever do to you? 

I’ve known you since before school started, at one point we were sort of friends. Well, not really. Our parents were friends therefore, we were ‘’friends.’’ We used to play together, with trucks. You were kind of nice to me then, but cruel to your little sister, and you still are. I guess some things never change. I remember every grade throughout elementary school, somehow some way you’d end up in all my classes every single grade. And every teacher I’ve ever had partnered us up or put us in a group together. As much as I tried to avoid it, I sort of enjoyed having you as my partner. Not many people liked me, back then , and I thought at least you cared enough to hate me. That way I’m on your mind. Yes, in a hateful fashion. But at least you care at all.

I remember in Grade four when I had a major crush on you, yes I’ll admit it, I had a crush on the biggest jerk in class. I guess it was because you hated me, I wanted to prove you wrong, impress you even. And when I couldn’t I bashed myself for it. Every year, I try my best to impress you, or make you at least notice me outside of your hatred for me. I still don’t know what I did to you, I don’t know why I care. But I hope whatever it is, I hope you at least care.

I had another crush on you, once again in grade 7.Big mistake. You were dating a girl, I was so jealous of her. Especially at the Halloween school dance, her body was right up against yours, her tongue down your throat. As much as I have came to hate you, I envied her. I don’t know why, but when I started to hate you I started to sort of fall for you. Fall for the same guy who’s bullied me throughout the years. The same guy who hated me to no end. The same guy that even today, that I’m in high school, I envy any girl at your side.

Why?

Because I guess I sort of still do like you.

Author's Note

A story about a person I've known for a very long time.