Inner Peace

My way of getting inner peace from the separation and soon divorce of my parents...

``I want to be loved.''The little girl shouts.

``Daddy where are you?'' Isn't the daily pain enough?

``Daddy?'' Why isn't he here anymore.I thought it was a dream- a nightmare.

I thought I'd wake up and there would be no more..,

I guess I was wrong.

``Daddy?'' I cried.

``Daddy?'' The little girl inside me started to die.

``Where is my Daddy?'' I said as if I was three.

``Where is my Daddy?'' I swear hes coming to get me.

``You have no more Daddy.'' The voices said,and what they said next,I really,truly,dread.

``Your Daddy doesn't want you anymore.'' And with that I became dead inside.

``Where do you go Daddy? Don't you want to play?'' I looked up at his face.

``Honey,I'm tired I've been working all day.'' He closed his eyes,my heart started to pace.

``Daddy?'' I said looking up at the sky.

``Yes?'' He said.

``I really want to die.'' My words stung the edge of my tongue, I couldn't take it back,what was done,was done.

Sadly, 

I never told him that I wanted to die,

I just cried,and cried and cried and cried.

Daddy didn't seem to care how I feel.

Everytime I told him,

He'd tell me it's no big deal.

He'd treat me like I was the problem,like I needed help.

But I wouldn't be this way if he just sucked it up and stayed.

When I tried to tell him all the emotions he made me feel,

He'd turn around,put a wall between us.

He didn't want to bother,didn't want to deal.

``Daddy.'' I said in a little girl's voice.

I feel this way,it wasn't my choice.

Your choices made me feel this way.

Can't you come back?

Or at least hold me?

And take it away?...

He turned around and looked at the floor.

I knew it he was heading to his friends,

Which meant ``The door.''

I held his arm,

Told him ``No.''

``Honey,I have plans.'' He'd say.

``With whom?'' I'd ask.

Mom wasn't home,She wouldn't be home soon.

Daddy,why do you leave? 

And allow me to grieve?

He didn't answer my question,

it was much hesitation.

I hope he wouldn't say his famous words,

Oh no he's opening his lips,

Here it goes.

``It's none of your business.''

And that is how it always goes.

How much panic I feel,when I don't know where my Daddy is.

Is he safe?

Is he okay.

Is this nightmare really this real?

Daddy,Daddy ,Daddy.

That word brings me tears.

I know he loves me.

But sometimes I hate to say this but I fear that is all just a lie,

A lie of 15 ,20 years.

I know I should be grateful for my existence at all;

But where is the light at the end of the tunnel?

'Cause I see no lanterns at all.

Here I go,Here I fall.

Who's the boy this time?

I guess this game is free,

But it sacrifices one thing,

Me.

Here I go Daddy,

Can't you see?

This Boy is just going to hurt me.

I guess you don't care,

Otherwise you'd be there,

When ``it'' happened.

And you'd be here when ``it'' happened again.

Get out of your fantasy,

Get out of pretend.

This Daddy,Is this really worth all those younger friends?

And those broads at bars?

And girls at the club?

Daddy, What happened to my innocence?

Sacrificed to a pub.

Dad, you must think so low of me,

To think that I do not know and do not see.

What your doing,What you've done.

You know it's cheating if you've left.

The papers aren't filled in,

the deed is not done.

Stop being such a little w***e.

What happened to my dad?

Now he's a condom buyer at the store.

Who is it this time?

Will you forget her?

Will she want more?

Have some respect,unlike you did before.

Don't lie to me,

I know the truth.

You dumb schmuck.

You just like to f*ck with people.

Emotions are a toy to you,

Mentality you abuse.

Physical you like and overuse.

Dad.

What happened to you?

You used to be the best Dad.

We had great memories,I'm glad we had.

I was the coolest kid in the world,

Having you as my Dad.

Even though when you get angry,your really mad.

Even though you've made me really sad.

Daddy,I love you,

even now.

I can't stop myself.

I don't know how.

and I don't want to.

Because Daddy,

You're my hero 

and 

I love you.

Yes, you've failed me many times,

But the reality is.

I loved you then,when I was a little girl;

I love you now,and I'm growing up,

I'll love you then,just don't mess it up.

I'll love you forever,anyway.

Daddy, I love you.

Just please,please stay.

Reviews

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

A very touching and moving write...way you express your feelings is done so well...
Brilliant :)

[Steven Cash]

Great poem. Very heartfelt and touching

[Soul Fire]

Thank you