Dear Daddy

This is my explaination of what happened after Dad left...I was 11 when it happened

Daddy,

Where are you?

Where have you gone.

Why is Mommy crying?

What happened?

``Mommy what's wrong?''

What's going on,Daddy.

What's wrong with Mommy?

Daddy, why don't you live with us anymore?

Why is living with us like a chore to you?

Daddy,why did you take your bags and slam the door in my face?

Daddy,I want you to come back!

Daddy, why do you hurt me so much?

I thought you loved me?

Do you love me anymore?

I guess not.

Boy,

Boy,

Cute Boy,

Do you love me?

``No.''

Boy, why don't you like me?

Boy, Boy, Don't you like me?

Aren't I pretty?

``Not really.''

Boy, Boy why do you hurt me?

Aren't boys supposed to love girls?

Why can't you love me?

Other boy,Other Boy,

Why do you use me as a toy?

Why can't you love me like Daddy did?

All I want is to be loved and wanted?

Why do you use and abuse me?

That's not okay!

Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!

Where are you?

Why can't you love me the way I thought you did?

Wheres the Daddy that'd play Barbies with me,and push me on the swings?

Why do I search for this from these boys,and these kids?

Daddy,I'm lonely.

I need a hug.

Daddy,Where are you?

Can't you help me?

Why aren't you here?

Daddy,why are you with your friends and not with me?

Daddy, why do you choose beers over Liam and I?

Daddy,I just wanna cry.

Daddy,I'm sad.

I'm depressed,

I just want to die.

Maybe then you'd realize what you did to me.

Nobody wants a little girl like me.

Especially you..

You left me,Liam and Mommy...

Choose your beers over the love we had for each other.

Daddy,you broke me to pieces....

I search for your missing love from boys.

And they don't have what I want.

So they use,

abuse,

and toy with me.

Daddy,can't you see?

What your leaving has done to me?

I am broken,

unwanted,

unneeded.

unloved.

Especially by you.

If you really don't want to be with Mom.

Why did you marry her?

Why did you bother?

Why didn't you stay single and committed to your whorish ways?

Why did you bother staying with Mommy,

and having Liam and me?

You scarred me for life.

I almost cut myself with the knife,

more than once.

Because no one loves me anymore.

Especially you,Daddy.

I guess it's too much of a chore.

Why did you leave?

When you told Liam and I,

you said it was ``Temporary.''

It's been 3 years

A million uncounted tears.

I guess you're full of it.

What happened to ``Temporary''?

I guess it was all just bullshit.

You know,

You loving Mom,Liam and I...

You've moved on.

Well down the street...

It's weird having you as a neighbour.

Here's my neighbourhood tour,

My house,and the house of the man who left me behind.

I can see your car in the driveway

``Should I tee pee the house?''

``Ransack your car?''

``Break in your house?''

You wouldn't care.

You think I'm as weak as a mouse.

Here's the pain I have gone through,

and It's all you fault.

Can't you see,Daddy?

Open your eyes.

This is what you've done to me.

Your little girl,

the one you held in the hospital 15 years ago,

Has hurt more than you'll ever know,

and it's all because of you.

I guess ``Sorry.'' is not a word in your dictionary or I have failed to hear it.

You've never apologized for every uncounted tear.

Daddy,

when you left,

Mommy became broken and torn.

She crying more than I've ever seen her cry before.

Liam didn't understand what was happening.

Do you realize how hard it was to tell him?

or at least try to explain...

I still don't understand what happened.

I was too busy crying and making rain.

Daddy,

Mommy could no longer move,her only destination was to cry.

Mommy, wanted to die.

I stopped her.

Daddy,

I had to become Mommy,

'Cause Mommy was to weak to go on.

I did the laundry,

made the meals and everything.

I guess you don't care.

I know your secrets Dad.

Your little diary is open for my eyes to see.

I guess you hated being married,

and raising me.

Reviews

[Blissful Sin]

I had a similar situation…. It was really hard but since I was so young I didn't understand it completely; and for that I became even more mature and dejected for my age, I started looking more to the bad sides of life and not believing that there are many good times in life. That was a mistake because now that I'm older I still can’t shake off that pessimistic side of me.
When my father left it was really hard on the whole family, especially my mother and me. After we all had a long time apart he came back and we all tried to start over, but again soon after that he left again. I wasn't surprised but he did come back for a final time and since then, it’s been a lot better.
I don't have a strong relationship with my father and now I rather not be with him most of the time, but I still try my hardest to be with him and make his days full of joy as much as I can. It was the least I could do for everyone else.
I'm really sorry about your experience and I know it isn't the best thing in the world, but you have to be strong, worst things are bound to happen and you can’t just cry out your eyes and hope for it to stop. Sometimes you just have to look at life straight in the eyes and punch it in the face, show it that you’re more than what it makes of you. I know how you feel and it is devastating but I’m sure that you are the tough girl that you are and that you won’t stand when someone else plans to mess up your life. I’m not trying to be mean or unaffectionate, and I’m sorry if I sound like it but I just wanted to give you some advice from a fellow under stander. Good luck and I’m sure that you’ll get through this well!!

-Emotional Bliss

[Soul Fire]

Thanks Bliss! And this was four years ago and the bs is continuing.... thanks for the advice. Everything's been okay, until summertime or holidays or at random for the last four years..right now they're in the process of getting a divorce...my father is complaining he doesnt have any money meanwhile hes paying for car parts for a female friend (because her breaks were not working and he was afraid shed get in an accident and her kids would end up with their abusive father.Which I understand would suck, but why did he make it his problem...when he has OWN kids in a van that needs serious repairs or needs to be replaced.) who is obviously his girlfriend but he claims shes just a friend. meanwhile.. our van is falling apart and because of him and his desire to no longer have the ownership/car insurance in his name. My mom cannot afford to pay for it, so now we no longer have a vechicle to drive.

[Blissful Sin]

:'( it's really hard to go through but I'm sure we can make it a lot better! I'm really glad that we touched bases and that I helped out.
I'm sure that everyone on writers cafe would love to help you out with any further problems!
-Bliss

[Soul Fire]

tthanks very much

[C.A. Lucas]

Oh my god, this actually happened to you? I'm so sorry. It seems terrible. A lot of my friends have divorced parents and so does my own mom. That's why she married my dad. Because she loves him and didn't want me and my brother to go through what she did. I'm so sorry. However old you are, if you haven't already, please, when you marry, spend your life with someone you love. If you can't find that person and you're still scarred, remember that there is always love somewhere, no matter how deep you have to dig for it.
You really made a statement. I'm sorry.

[Soul Fire]

Thank you so much for your review. :) And yes.Thats the last 3-4 years of my life.This poem is about how it all began.And I'm 14 right now,turning 15 soon.I am dating someone who i know is the love of my life,and i love him so much.He's amazing,I write about him on here.Anyway,thank you so much for your review. :D

[C.A. Lucas]

that is great. and you are always welcome :)

[Soul Fire]

Thanks so much :D

[LOfCharlemagne]

Very somber and sorrowful. Almost unberable to read at times. It really is a shame what some fathers do, and how it effects their families. Your tone in the story shines bright, but also wears out quickly. The repetitions start out working well, but do become mildly annoying towards when it ended. It is worth it though, because this is a really strong poem. I feel that you have done well with ending the repetition at a midpoint. I love the sorrowful overtones present through the entire piece. This is a good poem.

[Soul Fire]

Thank you very much :D

[LOfCharlemagne]

You are very welcome c:

[Coyote Poetry]

A very sad poem. Hard to be left alone and not understanding why. Some questions in life cannot be answered. I like the closing statement to the poem. Thank you for sharing the powerful and realistic poem. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Soul Fire]

Thank you so much :D These are past and current events in my life

[Barbara Walker]

God, this was hard to read, because i went through the same thing. Fathers have no idea how important they are in a girl's life. If we don't get that love we need from them, we go looking for it in boys, boy after boy after boy. We have to learn to nurture and love ourselves or else we go around with an invisible sign that says, I am needy, hurt me. And we will keep looking for that relationship with him that is impossible to have. So sad. They step on our self esteem when they leave us like that, and then boys continue doing the same thing. I wish you healing, sweetie. I am 60 and it took a long time to learn the lessons.
a father is the first male a little girl has in her life. He should be the first male to tell her she is pretty and smart and can be and do anything. He gives her the gift of how to measure the men she will meet when she is older. But if he is not there for you, he gives no gift. We keep re-enacting the scenario, unconsciously picking men who will leave us, but we think we are going to make it come out different this time.

[Soul Fire]

My Dad is still in my life,he lives down the street,works alot...and There's a mystery to where he is or going after he visits us.Mom and Dad are separated. Dads dated other women,but it's a ``secret.'' He doesn't like us knowing.Dad recently told Mom, that he wants to sell our house.(the only house that I have ever lived in.).Why? Because both Mom& Dad's names are on the deed.Dad needs money to pay off his debt,and He wants a divorce. That neither parent can afford.
Thank you for reading, and all those things you said are so true. And Thank you very much for your words of advice,and sympathies. :)

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

Such a sad event anyone has to go through, I can feel the anguish and the suffering and pain endured by you and your family...poem brings the raw and true uncensored feelings out....
Sorry you had to... and still going through this....

[Soul Fire]

Thank you for your condlenses

[Steven Cash]

Wow, that was so sad. But that Father/Daughter love and care is soooooo key.

I mean, like paramount.

[Soul Fire]

yes it is,,,

[Soul Fire]

thanks for reading

[SmileBig :)]

Awwwwwwww!! This is so sad :(

[Soul Fire]

I'm sad to say this,...But it's the truth.But the last part it up for agruement

[SmileBig :)]

Aww I'm so sorry :(

[Soul Fire]

it's ok

[SmileBig :)]

That must have been so hard!

[Soul Fire]

it is

[SmileBig :)]

Awww well I'm always here if you need to talk to someone! :)

[Soul Fire]

thank you :)

[SmileBig :)]

Anytime