To end it all

What would you do if you saw the after?

When I woke up the stench of alcohol and rotten food hung in the air. I tried to sit up and immediately my leg cramped. I chuckled. Today might be the day I guess. The table in front of my television was littered with cans of beer. My desert eagle sat close to a corner, on the edge of falling. Do it, I thought. It would be that easy. I shook my head. The sun had already rose. I fondled the picture of my daughter in my arms. She'd be sixteen now. three years already and I haven't seen her once. Tears fell on the picture frame as I recalled the days I hadspent loving her as she grew up. And grow she did. Then my wife cheated on me after she found someone else who "loved" her more than I did. She took my daughter away from me. Two of the only girls I loved most, gone in an instant.

After my wife left me and took my daughter, my own parents had died in a car crash. Killed by me neglecting to fix that god damned car. They died locked and burning inside the old car I had so painfully ignored. My fault. All my fault. I stood up and grabbed the eagle with my sweaty hands. I held it oh so dearly, then cocked it. No one would care if I died. No one. Why not end it all. Carefully I placed the nozzle of the gun on the side of my head. My hands shook with fear and anticipation. Then I pulled the trigger.

I don't recall attending a funeral, but here I am. The sky was black, and a circle was formed in the middle of a patch of dirt. People were lowering a body to the ground. The rain poured yet somehow I remained dry. As they lowered the grave I saw a glimpse of the picture they put on top of it. A picture of me smiling as they lowered my grave into the ground. I gasped. Oh s**t, how can I forget, I died. I committed suicide. I looked around and saw my friends staring blankly. "Selfish b*****d." one of them said. "He died as he lived, an idiot." another one said. I covered my ears as I shook with anger from their words. "You refuse to listen now as you have always." A man with a British accent said. I uncovered my ears and looked around the crowds to see a man in a black tuxedo. He smirked as he watched my grave being lowered as if he found amusement in it. "So Barnes. what a wonderful day to die eh." he said as he looked at me and shrugged his shoulders in utter amusement.

"So, suicide by gunshot wound to the head. You could've made it more interesting Barnes. Cut your arms a little, leave a note perhaps?" He said while grinning unsympathetically. I gritted my teeth in response. "Who the hell are you?" I asked him. He spread his arms as thunder crackled overhead. "I am Death!" he told me. "Real dramatic there Death." I told him. He chuckled though there is a hint of annoyance in his face. "So may I ask why Mr. Death himself appears to me of all people?" I ask. He cracked his knuckles. "I show up to everyone Mr. Barnes. As a god, I'm not exactly limited by your physical constraints. I am everywhere." As he said that, the faces of the people around me begin to fade to gray as their flesh becomes wrinkled and saggy. When I blinked their faces returned to normal. "Now Mr. Barnes, as a suicide 'victim'-" he stifled a laugh. "- I have a proposition for you. You will watch the world without you. If you see something, anything at all that makes you want to continue, I will give you another chance at life." He lowered his head and grinned, his eyes remained focused on me. "However- if you do not, then I shall guide you to the afterlife-" His eyes turned dark, and I can see his skull grinning beneath his flesh. "-Hell." he finished. I smiled, and eventually began laughing. "Ha! Either way the outcome remains the same. Go do your best Death!" He held out a flaming hand. "Deal?" I reached out and took it gladly "Deal."

Suddenly I was an office. People buzzed around frantically, papers in their hands. the gray cubicles partnered with white tile floors and white walls made the entire place seem so empty. I remember this place. This was my company. "F*****g Barnes. He had to kill himself. Look at this mess!" an employee complained as he pointed at the piles of paper before him to a passing woman. "No will left, all his estates are going to his wife. And she couldn't give a s**t what happens to this company! Or us!" the panic in his voice was indescribable. "Mr. Barnes had it rough Meyers. You'd probably do the same if your family left you." the woman answered. "Yeah well if Barnes spent as much time loving his family as he spent salivating over this company's earnings then this wouldn't have to had happen. Selfish prick." he put his arms over the back of his neck as he rested his head on the table. "I'm sorry Katie, looks like I'm not going to afford your medicines this month." He whispered only audibly to himself and to me. I can hear him crying. "I'm sorry." I said to him as the entire world shifted to gray.

Suddenly I'm in a bar sitting beside a muscular man. His bow tie was unloosened and clearly he had drunk way more than he should. I should know, he is after all, my best friend. "Can I get you anything else sir?" The attractive bartender woman asked him. He shook his head. At the side of the bar, a large television announced breaking news. "Adam Barnes, CEO and founder of Geo science corps had passed away last Sunday. Witnesses claimed they heard a gunshot near his apartment prior to the discovery of his dead body. It was believed to be a suicide, as no foul play evidence was found." The news reported said with sudden urgency. Mike, my best friend, gripped his shot glass so hard it began to crack. "Get me another shot." He told the bartender. "Wow, that makes the 12th. Any problems pal?" She asked him. He pointed at the television. "I was there. I was literally a step away from his doorway. If I had arrived earlier I could've saved him." The bartender delivered another shot glass and he gulped it down. "I thought he trusted me. He could've told me what was wrong." Tears fell from his eyes as he slams the glass on the bar. "I could've changed this." I tried to touch his shoulders, but the world started to shift again. "Mike, this isn't your fault." I said. The last thing I saw was the bartender trying to comfort the big man in front of him.

"So how's it faring for you?" Death asked me. We were somewhere white. And when I mean white, I meant everything was white. It felt as if this entire world was white. It felt as if I'm not even standing on anything. "Horrible." I told him. "I thought- I thought no one would care." I added. He smiled. "That's what they all think Barnes." he replied. "And now, for a finale!" he snapped his finger together and the world dissolved once more.

Now i'm in a dark room. A pink bed lay in the corner, and the entire room was lit only by a lampshade on a nearby desk littered with books. The room was messier than mine. I almost chuckled. Then the door opened. "I don't want to hear this!" a girl screamed at someone outside the hallway. "You can go screw that boyfriend of yours all you want, he won't replace dad!" she screamed utterly furious at the hall. I can hear someone else screaming but I cannot make out the words. I know the voice though. It's my ex-wife's. And this must be- "Clara." her name left my lips like the sweetest word I can ever say. Tears dropped from my face as I realized this was my daughter. She's 16 now. God, she's taller than me. I was so happy she had no acne on her face like I did when I was a child. Thankfully, that wasn't genetic. She slammed the door shut and gritted her teeth in anger. Then she broke down. She whimpered on the closed door like a scared puppy. She sat down, crossing her arms over her knees in a fetal position. I can feel myself crying as well. I knelt down to her and touched her face, but my hand passed through. I saw her arms. Lines. White lines, almost like scars. No, they are scars, she's been cutting herself. "Oh baby, why? Why did you to this to yourself?" I asked her, my voice cracking in despair. "Dad, if you can here me up there, I just want you to know how much I f*****g hate your guts." she said in a bare whisper. "I waited for you, waited for you to come back, but you never did. You loved your company more than you loved me." I choked back a sob. "Oh baby, no that's not true, Not true at all! I love you! Everything I did was for you! I wanted to build a future for you!" she sobbed even further. "I promised myself that I will work hard and join your company one day, but now mom's going to sell it away." she shook her head "Why didn't you come back for me dad? I loved you. You were all I had." she said as she stared at the ceiling. Soon enough she was asleep. I sat next to her, comforting her. "And now you say words that you never made her hear while you lived. Why wait till your death?" I stood up and grabbed Death by his suit collar. "You will take me back you hear me? Take me back!" He grinned in the most annoying fashion, though his eye twitched. "The dead do not think of time, relax Barnes." I gripped harder. "Fine." he said through gritted teeth, and the last thing I saw was a skeleton hidden beneath piles of dark, tattered robes, holding a golden scythe.

When I came around, I realized I was standing with a gun at my head. I immediately dropped it on the floor. Then a knock shook me out of disorientation. I quickly changed to the cleanest clothes I could find opened the door. Mike greeted me with a smile. "Jeez Barnes, your apartment smells like s**t." I laughed heartily. "Good to see you to Mike."

The next day I came to the office, everyone was surprised at how well-dressed I look. A guy, Meyers, shouted "Here comes his royal highness." and everyone burst into laughter as I curtsied all over the place. I approached Meyers. "So how's your daughter?" I asked him. He looked at me with utter surprise. "You knew I had a daughter. I thought you didn't care about your employees." He told me. I shrugged. "Men keep secrets well Meyers." I replied. He smiled, then immediately his face looked grave. "My daughter's dying. Cancer, stage three. I couldn't afford the bills. Besides there are medicines to pay for." He told me in a shallow tone. I patted his back. "Don't worry, I'll pay for it all, I have a daughter too you know." I told him. He stammered "R-r-r-r really?" I smiled. "Yeah, and speaking of my daughter-" I left him smiling on his chair, fist pumping as he looked at his daughter's picture on his desk. "Ava, please call my daughter. Do you, by any chance have her on mobile?" I asked my secretary. She nodded "Saved in important folder Mr. Barnes." she replied. "Call her, tell her to meet me in the Green Park in 10 minutes. And also cancel all my meetings, tell them I have a special appointment." Ava smiled in delight.

Clara was sitting in a concrete bench when I found her. Her long blond hair flickered in the air like gold. She wore a very suiting blue dress, perfect for the summer heat. The park was full today, people were busy with their sports, and flirting and whatnots. As for me I have something important to do also. "Hello darling." I said as I was near enough for her to hear. She broke into a massive grin. Leaving her black backpack on the bench, she ran towards me and hugged me tight. "Never thought you'd be the kind of guy to call first dad." she said as she lightly punched my arm. I pretended to be hurt, putting out a few measly moans in which she laughed. "So, what's the occasion?" she asked me. "Nothing, just wanted to see you that's all." I replied. She looked at me, and I can see something in her face, is that pride? "Actually, I wanted to offer you a deal." I told her. She looked at me wistfully. "Uh huh, so what is it?" she asked. "Well-" I waved my hand to the bench and we both sat. She took a candy bar from her backpack and offered it to me. I gladly took it, and started unwrapping, greedily eating at the candy bar. "So here's my proposal." I told her in between bites. "After high school I will train you in my company, and let you do a job every weekend or so so you have extra money for yourself." Her eyes widened. "I will also pay for your college in one condition." She leaned towards me now, clearly excited. "You will work for me, you will be my successor, my Anakin to Obi-Wan, my chosen one. So do you accept?" She was literally bouncing in her seat with excitement. "Of course I accept!" she laughed wholeheartedly. "You are the best dad ever!" she shouted. I patted her on the head. "No not yet I'm not. I have so much to learn, so much to appreciate, so much time I need spent on more important things. And I will start with you." I held out my hand to her, and she grabbed it tight, and we walked side by side on the warm summer day, A reminder to myself that even in my most desperate situation, I never really wanted to end it all.