An Unwanted Visitor Chapter One

So you’re still here. Hi. Welcome back. I’m glad you could be here today. I bet you’re getting annoyed that I’m just screwing around instead of starting my story. Well, it isn’t easy to talk about your own death, alright? I’m sure I seem pretty cool, but being dead sucks.

I miss my family and friends, and I’ll never forgive that crazy a*****e for taking me away from everything. He’ll be here someday too though, you’ll see. Maybe that will be the sequel to this story. Maybe a few years down the road I’ll have enough motivation to this a second time and give you the rest of the story. Oh s**t! My agent didn’t want me to say anything about that yet, so let’s pretend I didn’t just tell you that there may or may not be a sequel and we’ll just keep this on the D.L., okay? Anyways, I’m rambling now, so here we go with the story.

It was just a normal Saturday night when my life was taken. I’d worked all day and was dead tired, no pun intended, but my best friend, Santiago, wanted to have a bomb a*s party that night, so I didn’t go to sleep. Instead I went down to the liquor store and bought a ton of booze. Literally, way more than I actually should have. I hadn’t had a party in like a month so I needed to kick it off good that night to get back into my groove.

It used to be an every Saturday night thing. My roommate, Santiago, and I would invite all the best to come over and kick it with us for the night. My house was trashed pretty much every weekend. Beer cans lying around were usually the least of my worries. Almost every time I had my crew over, someone ended up crashing on my couch, or the kitchen table, or the bathtub, and occasionally my bed, if you know what I mean.

I know you’re probably thinking I’m some dirty w***e with a drinking problem, but it’s really not like that. I don’t drink enough to black out or anything, I just like to enjoy my time off work when I can. I own a business so free time is pretty much limited to Saturday for me. Even Fridays and Sundays I have stuff to do at the office and if I’m not there, I’m meeting with my clients. As for the sleeping around thing, I didn’t really all that much. Maybe one guy a month. It might have actually been two….. Or three… But that doesn’t matter anymore because I’m dead and it’s not like there are any hot dead guys to bang here.

Okay, maybe I did sleep around too much, but I didn’t deserve to die.

Anyways, that night I ended up calling my sister, Lulu, to come help me out. I mean, I couldn’t carry that many cases of the good stuff on my own and my roommate was still at work for an hour. She came over to help me and even agreed to stay at my party for a while that night.

Lulu is basically my polar opposite. She’s like the angel on your shoulder, while I’m more like a devil. She’s the classic girl next door type. She’s short, petite, blonde, a straight A student, and she’d gotten married about a year after she finished law school. She was a good girl. Really, she was.

You’d almost never catch her at a party unless it was after I’d persuaded her to have a few drinks at mine. Those nights usually ended with her crashing in my bed for the night and me calling her husband, Mike, the next morning to pick her up so she could go home and nurse her hangover. Mike really didn’t like me all that much. He always thought I was a bad influence and that somehow, some way I’d end up corrupting his sweet innocent wife and ruining their perfect married life together. Any time the two of us were in a room together, you could bet that I’d catch him glaring daggers or giving me this death stare at some point during the night. It was kind of unsettling to know that my brother in law truly despise me. Honest to God, he was so in love with my sister that he probably thought I was the antichrist compared to her and her perfect life.

That night though, I wasn’t thinking about Mike or the half slurred phone call I’d be making in the morning. I was just thinking about my sister and how she’d been so tired, overworked, exhausted, and in need of some fun. I was glad when she accepted my offer to hang with us and throw caution to the wind for one night. If only I’d known then how truly dangerous the night would become.

So after we’d gotten all the cases back to my house, I called Santiago and told him to get his a*s over here because I wasn’t going to set up for this party without him. He showed up about a half hour later with Burger King, and honestly I felt guilty for yelling at him when he was being so nice. We all sat on the couch to eat before getting stuff ready.

“So Lisa, I invited a different group of people for tonight, I hope that’s alright with you.” Santiago reaches across me to grab some napkins as his mess of a burger starts falling apart.

“Dude, seriously? What about our normal crew?”

“Listen, Lisa, we always see the same people, on the same night, every week. We need to venture out a little, meet some new people. So I invited some fresh blood to the party. If you don’t like them after tonight, we just won’t invite them back.”

“Fine.” I roll my eyes. “But don’t bring any creeps into my house, alright?”

“Hun, it’s just as much my house as it is yours and I have the right to invite new people over when I want to.” He says as he continues to stuff his face with food despite the fact that the napkins didn’t help one bit with the mess.

I’m just going to pause this story for a second. Now to a regular human being hearing this story, this is the point where a red flag should’ve gone off in my head telling me that this party might not be the best idea. For one thing, my roommate had invited an entire group of strangers to our house, and for a second thing my sister had openly agreed to stay there even though I hadn’t bugged, bothered, harassed, persuaded, or threatened her in any way. It was only about 6 p.m. and things were already seeming mildly suspicious, but I pushed aside those thoughts and focused on getting ready for the party.

And now back to the story.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Nice flow of thoughts, took the reader to another place. I will later and read some more. I liked the story so far. Real life feel and the good use of description making the story believable. I liked this chapter. Thank you RayLynn for sharing your words and thoughts.
Coyote

[Chris]

"Maybe a few years down the road I’ll have enough motivation to this a second time and " -to do this?

There seems to be many "tense" issues throughout- leads me as a reader to wonder who is or isn't alive, dead, lost or present as well as the timing of events that haven't been spoken about (or maybe won't be - as per the first paragraph). I readily accept the reality of your characters' personifications and regional-minded thought-patterns - some people do reality better than others and some people do "movie" scripting. Consistency counts.