Even upon itself

feelings I felt and thoughts I once knew.

Once upon a time
nobody cared.
we moved on
like life was just an obstacle
soon to be conquered

.....Right?

That Halloween
was originally about spirits.
inflicting pain and suffering upon man
not about snatching candy from the people you live by. 


That when those people who did not want the pain inflicted upon them
 placed their best food offerings, on their door steps.

That the people I have my ancestry from
the Irish
started this whole costume thing
when they wanted to be apart of this vast land.



Even as I see my family run to the doors,
I see how they become so innocent.
and still are.
that when they become my age
Life. happens
and things like this very holiday
wont mean nearly as much to them
as it did
when they were younger.
like how I wish
I was still that innocent.

that I was still a princess
running to get the candy,
before the kids behind me.
How I laughed and giggled
and occasionally tripped.

How I look up to my younger cousins
because they are what I wish I never threw away
Innocent.

How I cheated my way out of that day.
 became silent.
how I cheated myself and was told it was Ok.
 believed it.
how I sinned,
and how I wanted so bad to cry

from the laughter of the spirits once haunting me

how I wanted to go back.


So many people cheat themselves on this very day.
Messing up.

How everything is playing slowly in my head, at this very moment.
Kits curls bouncing in the crisp cool air,
Adysons  blond hair, the color most girls my age wish they had,
shined in the painted sun,
that was warm to may back.
How my uncles care about all of us
no matter big or small
how I'm their blood.
how they make me feel safe.
even when I Don't.

How I wish I could run with the wind
and know no matter where I land
I'll be on common grounds.

Leaves blowing in the air
smiles being eaten away with every candy bar consumed
spirits,
following the children
through the houses
past the fencing
on to the porch
and away

Feeling the ground move under my feet.
turning every corner.
stopping for a brief moment
going back on the promise.
pulling away.
scared of what to say
cause I know I might lose you
sinning
and wanted to be forgiven
but knowing that in your eyes
I am safe.
my innocence may not be restored to me
and so to story goes

in order to remain young, one must change.

change,
their ways of past thinking
get on their level
and never want to grow up.

Still wanting to chase the candy
unwrap the present
and eat away.
Must put it down.
it's tainted
with unforgiven mistakes
sins
and lies.
all wrapped up in one
vivid wrapper
wanting you to open up
and self indulge
in the unforgiving
reckless moments
the even upon itself
cannot be held together.

Reviews

[GTVile]

Very through-provoking, though I'm sure it has a much more specific meaning to you than it does to your average reader. It stands alone on the merit of the emotion behind it, but I think a little more structuring could make it more appealing to a wider audience, if in fact you choose to put it out that way. If not, then its perfect the way it is, as a fostering ground for memories that you need to personally organize. Good job.