Depression

I've been trying to see from the point of view of those I disagree with. But maybe not only people have a point of view.

She is my life, my everything. Every morning when she wakes up I see her. I see every inch of her from the inside out. The way her hair frizzes, the way she doesn’t fully open her eyes until she’s had a cup of coffee. She always has a frown on her face but it’s most prominent when she first gets up. Every morning she performs the same routine. I listen to everything she mumbles to herself under her breath. I notice she has gained some weight, probably because I’ve convinced her it doesn’t matter how she looks anyway. She gets dressed in some dirty clothes off of her bedroom floor. I follow her outside as she goes to start her car. It’s no longer something she has to think about. Her life is nothing but a predictable act taking place on a small miserable stage in which she is the main player. She puts her hair up and fixes her outfit in her car; of course she was running late and couldn’t do it at home. She is always running late since I came into her life. None of her alarms can ever seem to wake her; all she wants to do all day every day is sleep. She honestly thinks that sleep can keep us apart. Her makeup is left over from last night. Last night we were together so intimately. The most beautiful moments for me are those when I get to fully embrace her. Last night I watched her as she struggled to find peace, to get some sleep, I watched as she attempted to make me leave her alone. She was a few shots into her bottle and starting to feel hazy. She won’t remember much, but I know when the time is right I’ll remind her. I will whisper all of her mistakes into her ear until it’s all she can think about. She has to know that she threw up her only food from the day; a s****y fast food burger and some fries.  If she had done something with her life she probably could have afforded to cook for once. She has to know that she texted her ex again, and that it’s completely pathetic. Maybe she convinced herself it’s okay that she was ten minutes late to work today.  She should know better, nobody likes a chronically late employee. She probably even found a way to justify blowing off her family dinner. She was just so tired, or that’s what she said. I often wonder if she remembers how to tell the truth. The truth is that she couldn’t go because tonight she is mine and nobody else’s. I know she is dreading our encounter; I’ve been getting closer and closer to her all day. Tonight, I will hold her tightly. I will make her remember everything awful and evil that she keeps inside. I will replay every mistake she made that day until she feels worthless. I know she wants me to leave her alone. She thinks that she can hide from me by going out and attempting to distract herself. That’s why she’s always out. Tonight I’ve made sure she won’t have the energy, I had to make sure it would just be she and I at home. Seeing her with other people makes me need her even more. I see her fake smile when she first meets someone. I hear that phony laugh she makes as she entertains her friends. All pathetic attempts to keep me off of her mind. She’s tried to keep me away for as long as I can remember. She even used to think that she had gotten rid of me. But even when that rare smile appears on her face, I am there watching. Waiting. I know I am not wanted, but I can’t stay away.  I can’t ever leave her alone. I always have to have her. Without her I am nothing.

Reviews

[Don't just B, but B ama..]

That's tough, I can TOTALLY relate because I am bipolar and have been depressed to the point of suicidal may times. Now my life is free, everything has changed, NEVER GIVE UP! There is hope, my username here is my Google+ name and my YouTube channel name I have a TON of helpful info, and working on more videos. Again, you or her, together or not, NEVER GIVE UP you CAN overcome depression. I wish you the best. And, Good Writing, describing that feeling so well.

[SkellaRad]

This is breathtaking. This is the prefect description of depression.
I was diagnose with depression when I was twelve, so I completely understand the pain. This is a beautiful piece of work. Wonderfully written!

P.S. If you need to talk to anyone, my inbox is always open, dear. Stay strong.

-Skella Rad