Once Alone Always Alone

Darkness had a life of its own. The rush of the wind rattling the nearby trees was the only sound coming from the outside. The floor cold and lifeless, felt like the only place you could ever fall asleep. The table that used to be in the middle of the small room rested against the door and the windows were covered with the seats of the chairs that used to be positioned strategically around it.

Chloe opened her eyes and stared into nothingness as she tried to understand where she was. She noticed that she was clutching something in her hand. It took her a while to realise that it’s her army knife she had been saving for a ‘special’ occasion under her bed. The world seemed to be turned upside down. Her head was reeling as she tried to remember what had happened.

She touched her face and noticed that it was covered in dried blood. She looked down at her body and realised that all of her clothing was drenched in blood. She stared at herself in shock. Then she remembered. Well, only part of it. Everything after killing her own mother was a blank sheet. She felt like crying, but could not.

She took in her surroundings which caused even more confusion to her already overworked brain. There was a gun and a box full of ammo on the floor beside her. One side of the wall was covered in different types of canned foods and other useful supplies. She knew she hadn’t had that much when she was about to leave her house. Where did all of this come from? Who barricaded the door and windows?

She checked for any other life form in the room, but only saw her rat carrier in the corner of the room, covered in blankets. She rushed to it to check on her baby rats, but once she noticed that they were sleeping, she left them alone.

Only then did she notice her body ached. Every muscle felt like it was being pulled out of her warm, bloody body.

She looked at the barricades covering the door and the windows and it was clear that they had been done from inside. So she had been the one to do all of it. She sighed with relief. She understood then that after the death of her mother she had probably blacked out and had come here. But where exactly was ‘here’? She saw her name written on the wall and knew here location straight away. Her and her friends used to hang out in a little one roomed shack outside of town. This must be it. She mentally patted herself on the back for the great idea she couldn’t even remember having.

The relief of finding herself to be alone disappeared when loneliness started to overwhelm her. She was still alive, but what good would come of it? She was alone and her family was dead. She was covered in blood and she has no idea what she had to do to get all of that food. There was a lot of it, but it would only last her a few months. What would she do then? There was no one to help her. Even though she was safe for tonight, this was not an ideal place to spend the end of the world in. She couldn’t even drive a car.

The sight of the gun seemed a lot more calming right at that moment. She stared at it for almost an hour until she grabbed it. She figured out how to use it. She kissed it and placed the barrel into her mouth. Her index finger found the trigger. Her hand shook as she was readying herself for the final choice. Her final decision. Her only choice. Her fate.

From the corner of her eye she noticed the rat carrier again. They were awake. Looking straight at her. She saw her Alex zombie like face in her minds eye.

No. Not yet.

I am alive.