How Clothes Went Out of Fashion

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far far away from ours, people covered their bodies with fabric, colloquially known as clothes.  These ‘clothes’ came in all sorts of shapes and sizes, types and colours. One day, the King ordered all the cloth-makers to his court. All except one cloth-maker showed up.
This made the King, who somehow knew each cloth-maker by name and fashion-style, furious.

“Where is Dennimious, the denim-specialist?” He said to a court full of fashion moguls.

No one replied since they were unaware of the answer. The cloth-makers themselves had no idea who Dennimious was, and were generally bad at networking and peer-learning. Dennimious himself- who was out of town at this moment- was unprofessional and always late to things. But that’s something we’ll learn about later.

The courtroom descended into chaos as the cloth-makers started whispering things to each other. One nervous cloth-maker made the tremendous mistake of blurting out what resembled an answer, albeit incoherent, at a volume that broke through the chatter.

“What did you just say, young man?” inquired the King.

“No..no..nothing, Your Majesty,” replied the young man.

The King closed his eyes. “Anyway,” he breathed out slowly, “I have asked you all to come here to assist me in a very special project.”

“As you all know, next month The Kingdom of Swagasia will be celebrating its 4th Foundation Day (it was a fairly new Kingdom back then). On this joyous occasion, I want each of you to cover this entire country with clothes.” The King smiled. “Dresses, shirts, pants, skirts…” He licked his lips, “Don’t hold back. Make anything and everything that your heart desires. Everyone should be dressed flamboyantly. I will fund it all.”

This caused an uproar of cheering and hollering and shouting.

“Silence!” the prime minister said. And everyone stopped.

“And if anyone is dressed poorly, he will be executed.” The king smiled.

Preparations for the grand day began. A kind of vibrance became visible in the residents of the kingdom, which in turn began to become more colourful as each day passed. Little by little you could see everything being clothed. First the pets were dressed. One could see a cat in a coat and a dog in a frock. These had begun to be considered normal visions. Lamp posts were dressed up, and so were all vehicles. Even the once evernude trees were not spared. Each passing day meant lesser skin to be seen, human or thing.

It was during this chaotic time, that Dennimious, the denim specialist, was just returning home. He had been in the town of Denimopolis. It was a business trip on which he acquired a very large amount of a fabric called denim. No, Dennimious did not know. He had no prior knowledge of the King’s big decision to turn the Kingdom into Ralph Lauren’s personal hell. Nor had he predicted the King’s move due to his strong business acumen and ‘closeness’ with His Majesty. No, none of that. In reality, Dennimious had made a terrible clerical error. And had ended up buying 200 rolls of denim instead of 20.

“O sharply dressed old man sitting under the tree!” Dennimious called out to the sharply dressed old man sitting under the tree. “Tell me,” He said, “what was our Kingdom of Swagasia up to the past few days?”

“Swagasia hasn’t been the same, young man.” The old man looked wistfully at the camera, breaking the fourth wall which totally exists in short stories. He began telling Dennimious about the King’s new policy. And the horror it had brought on their Kingdom. He spoke of all useless and hideous cloth-based inventions that had propped up in the last few days: table clothes, cushion covers, dog jackets, that trend where people wear a T-shirt inside a shirt, bedsheets, vests, frilly-socks, and whatnot. Dennimious listened with delight.

Meanwhile in the Royal Palace, the King and the Queen were in the middle of an intense marital dispute.
“Take back the order!” The Queen said in tears. She had had enough of the madness. “Do you know what I saw today on my daily walk through the town square?”

“What? What did you see, huh?” He said, while taking off one of his 3 capes to cool off a little. This argument was heated indeed.

“I saw a man wearing a T-shirt,” The Queen said through clenched teeth, “and another shirt over it!” And she burst into a crying fit.

“My God.” The King had had enough of the waterworks.

Back in the countryside, the Sharply Dressed Old Man was almost finished telling Dennimious about the last of the fashion disasters: cropped hoodies.

“So it’s just sleeves?” Dennimious asked in disbelief.

“Yes, my son, just sleeves, nothing else. Well, sometimes there’s a hoodie but it just makes everything worse.”

“That sounds disturbing.” Dennimious blinked. “Oh well, all this madness is good news for me!” He smiled.

“I just acquired 200 rolls of denim.”

“That is a very large amount of fabric!” The Old Man thought of Dennimious as unprofessional.

“Yes,” Dennimious rubbed his hands together. “But because of this new law, it will be sold in no time. Oh
I’m so lucky! I arrived at the perfect time! I was worried about my inventory turnover ratio being all effed up due to this,” He let out a long breath. “I’m saved!”

The next day the King outlawed all clothes.

The end.

Author's Note

Initial idea and first draft was written while having fun with my friend, Craig H. Waley.

Reviews

[Lyra]

I love your sense of humor! Your stories are very well written and easy to read.

[Raven A. Myn]

Thank you so much for your reviews!