Worlds Apart

A short piece of a story about a young girl who struggles to find herself in a world sshe is so unfarmilar with.

I sat in the doctor's office not knowing what I was in for. I knew that things could change but had no idea how drastically changed it would be. I was so young. To most I was still a baby. My life had been very sheltered as a child. From birth I had been protected from the world. I had two brothers and one sister. I was the youngest. My mom stayed at home with us four while dad worked to keep us safe and never wanting anything really. She was the one who did most of the disaplining. If dad had to be brought in for us misbehaving, we knew that we were in for trouble. Most of the disapline was time-out or restrictions from play or lesiure time with tv or radio..typical things parents took away when a child misbehaved. There really weren't many spankings...unless you REALLY acted bad. But other than that, we had a really good life. My brothers and sister weren't my parents "black sheep." I was the one that was different from everyone else. I was the child that liked to push the limits of everything. I was the one who had to find out on her own how things really worked or find out how cruel life could be. My family always tried to tell me things but the hard shell that engulfed my brain kept all that out. I did as I wanted to. As a teen, I would be caught once in a while sneaking out of my bedroom window to visit my friend Julie, who lived four houses down from us. She was my best friend from the age of five until high school. We would go on midnight walks around the neighborhood just because we were bored and sleep was not an option. We shared each other's pains, misbehavings, and good times. We were inseperable. I was never the restless teen that ran away cause I hated my life. I loved my life. I was the one who was willing to be the clown in life to make others smile. I loved to give that grumpy person a reason to giggle, even if it was a silent giggle. As a child I was in special education classes because I was a little slower than the other kids. The teacher told my parents that I couldn't process information as quickly as the average student. So I just needed a little more push and things had to be explained to me with a little more detail. Other than that, I was definately the clown. As I aged, I became ,what I thought was, independant. Well, not in most people's eyes, but in my young unaware eyes, I was. But sitting in that doctor's office for what seemed to be an eternity was killing me. I knew that at any moment the doctor would call me back to give me the news that most parents feared. "Miss Marshall?" the nurse called out looking at me with a pleasant smile. My thoughts were racing even harder. The nurse lead me to the doctor's office where she sat patiently waiting for me. She smiled and told me the results of my pregnancy test would be in the next day. She said she would call me and let me know my results. I thought I was going to die. The antisipation was going to kill me. I went back out into the waiting room where my mom sat waiting with dread written all over her face. "What did she say? Did she tell you that you were pregnant?" All I could do was sigh and say to her in a nagged sort of tone, " No mom. She said that she would call tomorrow after the results came in." I was sixteen at the time. So yea, my mom was freaking. She knew what the results was going to be. She was a mom.... The next day I boarded the bus to go home. I was so sick to my stomach. I guess you could say I knew what the results were before I heard them. The entire way home I was silent. My friends would ask me throughout the day what was wrong but all I could say was, "I'm just not feeling well." After what seemed to be an endless ride I could see my house from around the corner. I started shaking. The bus stopped directly in front of my house and I could smell my own fear. I pounced off the bus and darted into the front door. I walked into the den and found my mom sitting at the kitchen bar with a look on her face that said it all. "Congradulations...your a mother." At that moment I could hear the trumpets sound the gastly tune of the shock of the century. I said nothing. I didn't know what to say actually. "So, what are you going to do now?" My mom asked me. "I have no clue mom." And it began! All that night, the next day and weeks to come after that one moment, I heard all about life. How hard it was to tend to babies and how expensive they were. How I have to get up no matter what time it was a tend to this little creature's screams of attention. I was in for one hell of a ride.

 

 

Author's Note

Please excuse the mistakes in this one. The mind is active today and had no time to correct it. There is more coming.

Like I said.. I know it's chopped up but hopefully later I will be able to fix it and give a better version.

Reviews

[blueyedany72]

This is a great start. What you have here will set you up to write a great piece. Your narrator is about to go through so many changes, and as a reader, it is nice to see that growth. The back story that you give tells us that the narrator is your typical girl next door. There is nothing overly different about her. Youngest child, best friend, parents still married... You have a great set up here.

However, I feel like the first line about not knowing why she is there is a little confusing. I feel she should know that she is there for a pregnancy test. Also, I feel that the back story is just given to us too easily. It could be better inserted into the story than just spelled out in the very beginning.

You have a great start here and I know that with some revision and some more helpful reviews, you will have a great piece. I look forward to seeing your narrator go through this "hell of a ride."

[Shayne Winchester]

I think you started it out really well. The begining really got my attention, but you could have been a little slower to introduce the backstory. Few spelling mistakes, but overall a nice piece. :)