Chapter Six

The question threw me off guard. I never knew one man could be so f*****g cruel. I had seen movies where there is always an abusive step-father and junk, but it no way compared to the s**t I was living through. Sure he rarely laid a hand on me, but emotional and mental abuse leaves just as many bruises and scars. I stared into the dark depths of my glass and nodded. But he was more than abusive. He was a sexual predator, child molesting f****r.

I cleared my throat and lowered my voice. I didn’t know if I could at all tell anyone about this, but sitting there under those lights with her eyes on me I felt as though the world had melted away and it was just me and her.

“I use to have a little sister,” I began; the straw in my fingers shook as I tried to focus on its paper wrapping. “She was about ten years old.” I shuddered. “Jessie paid her with cigarettes and beer to perform certain sexual things on him.” I heard her gasp, felt her hands cover mine and I knew if I gazed up into her eyes I would lose control and let the tears flow. I must not let that happen. I blinked hard and focused on the sparkling gems of her rings as I resumed, “Well, social services, they found out and um, gave my Mom a choice. If my Mom didn’t leave Jessie she would lose her daughter forever.”

“What happened?”

“Well,” I said, “she accused my little sister of wanting her man. She said that she was just a little lying b***h who wanted to steal her happiness. So she chose Jessie. My little sister went to a foster home and I never saw her again. When his trail came up, somehow they got to my little sister and…if she didn’t lie and said she made the whole thing up something would happen to make her disappear. I was there when the whole thing was being said. I didn’t know how f*****g far they would take it, but apparently they were in it for the long haul.”

Her fingers tightened around mine. “And then what happened?”

“She told the social worker she made the whole thing up. She was scared and…it didn’t make any difference. She was only ten,” I said, my voice now on the verge of breaking. “She was only ten.”

“Is she all right though?”

I shook my head. The tears were really close to spilling now as they welled up in my eyes. “She, um…slit her wrists with a pair of scissors not long after. Her childhood had been robbed by some f*****g b*****d and her Mother was not there to protect her. It isn’t fair,” I said, not clenching my teeth. “I wanted to kill them both every night from then on. The system had failed her. In a way, I failed her too.”

Alice shook her head and when I looked up finally I saw the streaks of tears racing down her cheeks. “There is nothing you could have done.”

And there was some truth in that. In a town as corrupt as this, help was a fairytale. There might have been a chance she survived if we lived in a different county and…I don’t know. We stared into one another’s eyes for a moment and then a smile touched the corners of my lips. She was like a light at the end of my bleak and worthless tunnel. Then I knew just how lucky I was to have been there in that hallway on that first day of school. Had it been anyone else standing there who knows where I would be now.

When food came I hesitated. When I saw her withdraw the toothpick from her sandwich and laid it aside her fork I did the same and sighed. I wondered how I let this happen. How did I manage to let her sweet-talk me into this state of…? I do not know what to call it, but I supposed the only way out of it was to disassociate myself from her.

My stomach clenched at the thought. I don’t think I could do that. I took a bite and chewed slowly. I had to savor it since I doubted very much I would get dinner tonight.

“It is so nice they serve lunch this early,” Alice said between bites.

Well, maybe it was a bit nice, but this town was a shithole not worth much. I often wondered what it would be like outside the county, but it was pretty much not a fantasy. Neighboring towns were just as, though not worse, than this one. Still, the better living was North and South, way North and South from here.

“I have a question,” I said and slurped down a bit of Coke before I continued. “Why do you want to hang out with me? I mean, there are a lot more people here in this town than me.”

Alice sat her sandwich down and folded her arms on the table. “I liked how you helped me out and how you talk to people. You speak your mind and even if it sounds a bit rude, a lot of times people deserve to hear it.”

I laughed softly. That was the reason? I thought I was a charity case or something.

“Don’t you like it?” She asked.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” I said quickly. “I just don’t understand why me out of anyone in the school, that is all.”

“You really underestimate yourself,” she said and smiled. “You spend your life with people telling you are no good and now you believe it. I think it is time to break that.”

I looked at my pickles slipping out from under the bun and slab of grilled meat. Perhaps she was right. It was a s**t life so far. I know I could make it better. I looked into her eyes and smiled as the twinkle there carried me away. It was as though I had seen into the heart of a saint, but then again I knew most saints were as holy as bird’s s**t. But Alice wasn’t s**t. She was the sweetest person I had met and someone I never quite thought existed.

“Yeah,” I said, “I would like to break some old chains.”

She popped a pickle in her mouth and said, “Then let us get started!”

We finished our meal, she paid for it and then we were on our way. We found our way back to her house. I was a bit nervous to head on inside, but wasn’t able to pinpoint why until I realized I was just a dumbass who always feared the worst would happen in a situation. We sat on her couch, talked a bit more as she pulled out old photo albums of her and her Mom. In every picture I saw a smile or a happy surprise expression on her face. If she took a look at any pictures of me that survived Jessie’s meltdown she would see something rather depressing and pathetic. I never smiled in any of mine.

Now as she put the album away she asked me, “Do you like me, Amy?”

I chuckled nervously. “Sure, we can be good pals.”

She took my hand and held it against her breast. “No, I mean do you really like me?”

Well, I think the answer to that question was obvious, but still as I sat there like a statue I did not know how to answer exactly. Of course I liked her, but what I felt was beyond liking and I didn’t understand how it could be so since I only met her a day ago. It made no sense in my heart or in my head. Maybe I was dreaming and this was all some vivid fantasy. That would suck really because I never cared much for fake-outs. I preferred the real deal. Maybe that was why I never really got into porn. I mean, sure it was okay to watch and get ideas from, but I wanted a real girl to act out such things with, not work on myself.

“I-I do,” I said, hated how my voice softened and my hands trembled.

Now what if I admitted it something happened? What if now was the time people would jump out and yell “surprise” and I would be sitting there looking like a loser? I waited, but they never did appear. Instead I felt the fullness of her breast press into my palm and her face lower toward mine. Her lips were gentle, soft and cherry flavored as they pressed against mine. I had wanted to know their taste and texture since the first moment I saw her. Now that I knew I could not get enough of their sweetness and tangled a hand in her hair, tugged her closer and stroked the inside of her cheek with my tongue.

She guided me back and sprawled across me, her feminine warmth surrounding me, her perfume intoxicating. I was only vaguely aware she had loosened her blouse and was pulling my other hand up her skirt to where my fingers skimmed lace panties. Through them I felt she was clean shaven, just how I like it, and my senses went wild. I knew then if I didn’t get to sample her down there I would burst.

“Wait,” she said through heavy breathing.

I hesitated before slipping my fingers inside her moist, tight hole and asked, “What is wrong?”

“Let’s go to my room, Amy,” she said and before I knew it she was ushering me up the stairs and down the hall.

I figured it was my nerves or maybe irrational thought sneaking up to bite me in the a*s. Whatever the case I feared…no, I dreaded lying with her on her bed. Here is the moment I was waiting for and I froze. I felt her lips on my neck, felt her hands burrow under my shirt and yet I was someplace else. It just didn’t feel right. My mind swam with excuses. It was too soon, I told myself, too soon for this.

Back in my awkward phase, which was a f*****g laugh since many people considered me liking girls to be an awkward phase, I often hung out with a dude by the name of Paul. Well, Paul was a lame a*****e, even worse than me as a matter of fact, but he denied it which made him an even bigger wuss. He was one of those guys who made fun of homosexuals even though he himself had feminine characteristics. He would prance around not understanding why girls did not go for him, but son of a b***h I knew exactly why.

For starters the f****r never changed his underwear. A few times when I visited his house I stumbled upon some briefs with muddy skid marks in the butt. But that wasn’t the half of it. The dude’s socks were once considered white though now sported a dull gray or in some cases black. They stunk to high heaven, that was for sure and last, but certainly not least he was a nose picker. Yep, that is right. He loved digging for gold and blowing a toxic stink cloud out his a*s every five minutes. One day enough was enough and I told him the smell alone was reason enough to stop hanging out with him. He thought I was just a b***h who needed to taste his thick dick.

Now, why is it these dumbasses always think that is what is on a girl’s mind? Well, to make a long story short I decided that if a guy were to ever interest me he would have to have good hygiene and have a healthy attitude towards women. After all, these were not the dark ages where women were basically servants and sex slaves. S**t, if I had a sex slave I would want her to be a willing sex slave.

Jessie thought he could somehow steer me to the right side, he always called it the right side as if being gay was the wrong side. So he showed me a nude male magazine. I don’t know what came over me at the sight of some dude’s limp noodle. I got immensely queasy and rushed to the bathroom where I threw up for almost a minute. This pissed Jessie off and he stormed up and down the mini hallway cussing at me through the bathroom door.

“Is something wrong?” She asked.

Her voice shook the image loose and I sat up. “I can’t do this.”

“Why not, Amy? Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” I said quickly. “I just…it doesn’t feel right. I do not want to rush. I like to take my time.”

Perhaps that was one reason. I wasn’t quite sure about the others myself. Maybe I was just a little f****r who didn’t know a sweet time even if it hit me I the face. No, that wasn’t it. Perhaps it was just all in my head. I could not focus worth a damn and then a most heinous sight indeed crept into my mind. I wondered if I was going to puke at the remembrance, but as soon as it flashed it dissolved into nothingness, but I was still left with a wash of bile in my mouth.

My Mom always kept a picture of a naked Jessie in her purse. One day while we were at the pharmacy, she went in to pick up an inhaler. Asthma runs in the family but thankfully I have yet to have symptoms. I asked her if I could get a pen before she left. She said I could and as I rummaged through compartments it sort of tumbled out and landed in my lap. I can honestly say the man has no penis whatsoever. He might as well be considered a woman. Small dicks seemed to be in great supply though in this s**t hole of a town.

Remember Norman, Jessie’s friend? Well his ex-girlfriend gave him the pet nickname of Vinnie. Now the back-story to that is that purposively he had the dick the size of a Vienna sausage. And that was when he had a hard-on. Now every time I see a Vienna sausage I always think of Norman, damn it!

“We do not have to rush,” she whispered as a smile played on her lips. “We have time. I can wait until you are ready. There is no pressure.”

I returned her smile. It wasn’t as if I was…damn I don’t know what my problem was.

“Do you like to be the man?” She asked.

“What?”

“Do you like to be the one in charge?”

“I suppose so.”

“That is fine. I like it that way. Have you ever used a strap-on before?”

I chuckled nervously. “Not on myself, no, but I have worn them before.”

“Would you wear one with me?”

Her voice was a breathless whisper that tickled the hairs in my ear.

“Sure,” I said.

Of course I would. Some girls liked d****s, but not me. I wasn’t a d***o girl. Never have been and never will be. She guided my hand up her skirt as her lips once again touched mine. By the warmth of her skin I could tell she was almost ready, but it was her wetness as my fingers glided inside her that told me just how ready she was. And in a way it was odd to see her so eager and willing. I rolled her onto her back and slipped her lacy panties down over her hips. She spread at once and my breath caught at the beauty of her smoothness. My mouth watered and I kneeled. As my head moved between her thighs I heard her gasp, felt her work her fingers through my hair and tug me close as I began kissing and caressing her pink tender flesh.

I pulled back from between her thighs. The room dimmed a moment. I wasn’t sure what was going on but figured maybe I was still dreaming from the other night. I sat, looked at my hands as they shook and then glanced up at her as she shifted. Maybe it was what I feared and maybe I was becoming more like my Dad. I didn’t want to be, but let’s face it, the dude was off his rocker and mental health issues did run in my family. I pressed my tongue against my bottom front row teeth and felt the grooves and differences in height. I wondered if they would fall out and join…

I shook my head. Why these thoughts and why now? I shivered though I was not cold. Maybe I would end up in an institution just like he did. What was it they considered him to be? I could not remember. I know he was depressed and suffered from severe depression. But there was something else.

Her touch made me jump and I realized she was on the floor next to me, stroking my back. Funny how I did not notice before. I wanted to laugh but all I could do was stare. Maybe ditching wasn’t such a good idea after all. Maybe I should have just stayed in that prison called school and pretended to pay attention like always.

“Amy,” she said.

I looked at her, “Yeah?”

“I need you.”

The words were clear enough and yet I could not decipher them. It seemed almost as if the world had stopped turning and I was in my own space where no one could reach me. I had gone through this many times in the past and always came through it on my own, but the weird thing is that I didn’t know why it felt more comfortable to be alone.

I got up and shook my head. “I can’t do this.”

“What is wrong?”

“I don’t know,” I said and was halfway down the hall when I heard her call out from behind me.

Her voice was distant and soon just a mumble as I flew out the door and down the pavement. I walked forever before I noticed the bloody crescent moons in my palm. I stared without feeling much of anything. I glanced around, wondered where I had ran off to, but the one and only good thing about this s****y town was it was impossible to get lost in. I found my way back to familiar territory, but figured it would be best to stay out of public view. The only option left open then was Pine Grove Park. It was a perfect spot. Tall acres of forest completely obscured vision from the road. Therefore if any one came around seeing anyone beyond the first line of trees was impossible.

Too bad it was such a long walk away, but as I took a deep breath I set out for it. Once I was on the other side of the railroad tracks I should have a clear shot. There was a clear stretch of wide open land, but beyond that houses and trailers.

I stumbled to one side. My vision blurred. Not this again. My pace slowed. I must have rushed myself. Often when I hurried into activity I would sometimes feel lightheaded or dizzy. I thought it was because my body was a b***h and could not handle the extra stress, but the doctor’s seem to think it was all in my head and maybe it was. The mind could manifest physical disorders and make them seem real.

I was across the field and crossing Wisconsin Avenue when the familiar sound of an engine back firing sounded behind me. My heart leapt into my throat. I wanted to pray to some nonexistent god that it wasn’t him, but as the horn blared in my ears and I saw the sleek shine of black rolled beside me I looked through the passenger side window to see Jessie glowering at me.

“Get the f**k in,” he growled.

“And what if I don’t?” I yelled back.

He jerked the wheel and the Thunderbird’s body nudged me enough to make me lose balance and fall. I scrambled onto my feet.

“If you don’t get in, I will run you down,” he said.

I knew he would. And I could not outrun him. I could not defeat him. I was trapped.

I reached for the passenger’s door, my fingers trembling and my arm and leg already smarting from the fall. I so did not want to get in, but what other option did I have? I yanked the lever and hopped in. I barely was in my seat when his forearm slammed into my chest. All air drove from my lungs and I doubled over. Tears stung my eyes. I clutched my throbbing ribs as he pulled away from the shoulder of the road. The pain had just begun to subside when I felt the heat of his cigarette against my face and then blinding hot pain flare across my cheek. The sizzle of my own flesh filled my ears as did a long agonizing scream.

“Now,” he began, “we can do this the easy way or the hard way.”

Author's Note

A/N:This was the very first story I posted online as Celestial Geyser. I would like to revise the story here and hopefully not receive harsh criticism for how it is written. Thank you for reading and I appreciate feedback of a helpful kind. Although I have edited this I still would appreciate it if when reading you come by any mistakes please let me know. It use to be on wattpad but I guess someone had a problem with it and now it is set to private. I thought that was unfair so I am posting the story here. It is still on wattpad but you have to be a fan to view it.