I Am Misery

I am not sure if the night will swallow me or if I will fall willingly into its embrace. I walk a fine line between nightmare and reality and sometimes the line blurs. Maybe it was never meant to be as I frequent these boundaries and I am not sure if he will be there to save me. After all...he doesn't even know I exist.

Why does life continue on without purpose? I am a bit of nothing on a speck of something huge. Maybe the voices will stop screaming for my death. Maybe the agony I am married to will soon depart. Then again I am convinced I am not happy without knowing misery. Happiness never fully welcomes me. I feel it just out of reach.

My death inches closer. Each minute passed on the clock marks another minute spent aching and wishing for long sought answers. The black tunnel wraps around me and it is so cold.  Snow falls on my withered hands. I watch it melt and run through my fingers. Like so many things it slips away. I no longer wish to look up into heaven. I want no more to do with a world that hurts and destroys. When I grow tired I think again about how this might continue without reason. Then again minds love to invent reason. Fear is the fuel so many use. It does give many the energy they need.

I am no different. Paranoia rules supreme. I figured this out a while ago. I think it has something to do with the Father of Suicide. I know he oversees so much, looks on without a care and still I wander aimlessly about despair in search for his answers. There is no difference between now and then. I challenge no one to discard the falsehoods enforced by man. They reside too deep to retrieve. I listen to the sounds of city life and smell crisp winter in the air and still I am not a part of it.

I now know my name. It is Misery.  I am the very thing I wish to escape.