Dirty Little Secret

 

Dirty Little Secret

        Hearing the key slip into the lock, mesmerized by the tumbles of complex gears, I am again in a world of solidarity darkness.  Once or twice a day they slide a metal tray under the door and sometimes they let me out to use the bathroom, but usually I have a special corner I use to relieve myself in. 

        Dirty…unwanted…mistake…

        Now as I sit on my mattress I feel furry critters crawl over my feet as I press them against the cold cement floor.  They are my friends even if they can’t speak. They keep me warm when I am cold and play hide and seek with me when I am lonely.

        Worthless…horrible…ugly…

        I wish I could see the sun, feel grass between my toes and wind in my hair.  I wonder what I’d look like with a clean face, but I don’t ever remember having one. 

        You don’t deserve a bath…a life…a loving mother and father…

        For now I will wait until I hear the key in the lock again and maybe this time they will let me prove to them that I can be better.  I can prove that I am not a dirty little secret.