Mother And Child

Mother and Child

At first denial was my best defense. I told myself this could not be real. For a moment I believed it, but deep down inside I knew. All the signs were there under my nose and I failed to recognize them. Then those chilling words pierced my heart and my stomach came up into my throat.  

"Something may have happened," he said as he turned off the black and white picture displaying a still fetus. "There is no heartbeat."

No heartbeat. It replayed over and over in my head without fatigue and misery quickly took me captive abroad a vessel relentlessly cruel and hateful. Here I lived only barely, though most of me preferred death and longed for it like one might long for love. In this hell I could see no other way of escape. It had to be my damn fault and no one could convince me otherwise.

To my lovely child whom I'll never know, please forgive me. I wanted you more than anything. Forever in my heart you'll live even if death separates us. If only I could show you how sorry I am death would not have claimed you. I am selfish and weak. To simply give you another chance, I would gladly take your place in that coffin…or wherever you now lay to rest.

And still I wonder if my sins really were so awful. Does that justify the taking of my baby? What could I have done to avoid this?

     No heartbeat.

As it curled around my ankles, the fog billowed and from its smoky depths stirred a solitary figure whose malformed body lurched to and fro. Though in the recess of my mind answers swirled, my stomach threatened to empty into my mouth and such concerns fled me.

Should this cancer take hold I figured the best outcome to hope for would be a swift and steady treatment, but as my eyes slid over its shiny and smooth surface my heart flopped, fluttered and nearly ceased. For in my recession I dare to conclude no such cure existed and I would be just another victim of its savagery.

Its game is to multiply, mature and grow until what is will be and what was will be no more. Healthy tissue will be replaced by uneven and callused structures oozing and leaking various bodily fluids. Then the face you gaze at in the reflection of your bathroom mirror will be a ghost of your former self and with it so shall pass your sanity, your love and your pride.

As hope emerged, her face riddled with everything I embodied in an angel, she stretched out her little arms though in my mind they are a pair of white wings. Her embrace is the only power, the only measure needed to combat the fiends. Thank you, my daughter.

An Angel's smile she was blessed with; chestnut curls and purest chocolate brown eyes of a royal princess. She, before the time of her arrival, seemed surreal and I wondered if I were somehow caught in a dream. However, dreams were truly defined the moment her cry filled the room! Though I shook, my body a massive quake, I discovered precious miracles come in all shapes and sizes. She was and is, forever will be, and my most celebrated one.

In the depths of innocence I discover blooming admiration. From the tiny smile my heart swells with an undying joy. Who might have this power over me? How can such a creature as small and sin free know the passage into my heart?

The bound between a Mother and child harvest fresh fields of warm beating sun and whispering tall grass; a paradise only to be shared by ties of love and life. In us all is aware of the devotion such purity asks from us. To deny this purity is a crime. And in order to accept the gentle nature of the higher power we first must accept our responsibilities and provide our greatest accomplishments with all the necessities of life!

Though holding hands and bright beaming faces can we strive to change the chaotic nature man has adapted to. For the sake of our children, fight for a change in love and surrender to the beauty that is life!

Through the eyes of a child a mother is the most important being, the protector and giver of everything. As such an influence we should forever indulge in their favors and if need be, spoil them. For what is life without laughter? What is life without love? Peace to all and love to all the children of the world.