hollow fire

A Poem by Rav3nDarkChild

The world that exists beneath the surface

I dont know what I'm doing
I'm standing hear screaming
But nobody hears
Ripping and tearing
Leaving wounds unseen
Tears of blood flow unnoticed
From hollow eyes
Loving witha heart long hence dead
Never does it beat
Eternally does it break
Digging graves one empty tear at a time
Till the pain runs dry
Nothing but dust left to fall
The walls are up
I've forgotten how to feel
Beauty your eye doth see
But inside hell is turning me
Who is this God they speak of.
Hiding from my gaze
Cowering under my rage
Hell hath no fury to match the fires that burn within me
Enslaved ina world I will never understand
An empty vessel slipping in amd out of life
Here for no more than to take up space
Genocide purify this life
No one appreciates what their givin till its gone
Your Life swept away
Locked in a hole and yourself robbed away
Locked in a cage and stuck on display
Their gawkimg and poking more than can bear
Closw my eyes slip away
The drug filled haze life has become
The line of realoty shatters
My mind takes over
The beast has arrived
The only voices the ones in my head
If I'm a danger to myself
Just imagine whati can do to you
The walls ate bleeding again but no one can see
Everything turns red your waters bleeding
Everything's burning
The sky falls
People scream their last pitiful please
The Angel has arrived
Today is the day who will go
Theirs no one left
The Beast has won
I am the one in the cage
With her heart and my hands
WE ARE THE GOD I FEAR

© 2014 Rav3nDarkChild

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register

Reviews

ron	Beautiful dark poem. I could feel the emptiness and pain. Posted 10 Years Ago Beautiful dark poem. I could feel the emptiness and pain. Rating /100

xMiss_Psychosis_Phantom..

Good Morn', After', or Nigh' to you! Welcome to WritersCafe. I am Quill, and if you need help with anything on the site or if something is confusing you writing wise, feel free to shoot me a message. I would like to help and make you experience while using this site a wonderful time. Now, onto the review of your poem.

There are a couple of things I like about it:

1) Free-Verse: Ah, the wonderful world of free-verse poetry. I see this style being used more frequently on this site, which is a wonderful thing to me seeing how I enjoy the style very much. In this poem, you chose to do small imperfect rhymes here and there, which is great. In free-verse, you can do that and you clearly portrayed that here.

2) The Concept: It is like you are fighting with inner demons constantly and this time, the demon took over and won even when you continuously kept fighting. I like this (yes, I am going to be a bit bias because I enjoy this genre of creepy horror-filled delights) because you did not let it play out like a Disney movie that always has the happy ending. Instead, the bad guy one and took control. Very nice.

Now, onto What I did not like/What you could work on:

1) Formatting: It was not terribly awful. You just have a lot of improper sentences that really need a spinal back bone to support them, and because of this, it really subtracts from the piece and makes things very confusing, and this will also be discussed in the second concern/problem.

2) Flow like Poe: When doing a free verse, often times the rhythm of the piece is not the best. It can either be from grammatically incorrect sentences with lack of sentence structure, a lack of rhyme/improper use of rhyme in a piece, or sometimes even both. In this piece, I felt like it was leaning more toward the sentence structure. A way to fix that is just by making complete sentences and have them rhythmically match the rest of the poem.

3) Lack of Punctuation: You are missing commas through out the piece. I will be honest that I am very OCD about this kind of stuff, but commas do make a difference, and have one of the greatest roles in poetry when trying to describe, or depict a scene.

Overall, this piece can use a lot of work, but if you fix a few things, you will grow more as a writer and your writing will become better. You can write very well, and do not give up on it. This was not the best, but it was not the worst. Please continue to grow as a writer and show it in your writing. :)

Posted 10 Years Ago

There are a couple of things I like about it:

1) Free-Verse: Ah, the wonderful world of free-verse poetry. I see this style being used more frequently on this site, which is a wonderful thing to me seeing how I enjoy the style very much. In this poem, you chose to do small imperfect rhymes here and there, which is great. In free-verse, you can do that and you clearly portrayed that here.

2) The Concept: It is like you are fighting with inner demons constantly and this time, the demon took over and won even when you continuously kept fighting. I like this (yes, I am going to be a bit bias because I enjoy this genre of creepy horror-filled delights) because you did not let it play out like a Disney movie that always has the happy ending. Instead, the bad guy one and took control. Very nice.

Now, onto What I did not like/What you could work on:

1) Formatting: It was not terribly awful. You just have a lot of improper sentences that really need a spinal back bone to support them, and because of this, it really subtracts from the piece and makes things very confusing, and this will also be discussed in the second concern/problem.

2) Flow like Poe: When doing a free verse, often times the rhythm of the piece is not the best. It can either be from grammatically incorrect sentences with lack of sentence structure, a lack of rhyme/improper use of rhyme in a piece, or sometimes even both. In this piece, I felt like it was leaning more toward the sentence structure. A way to fix that is just by making complete sentences and have them rhythmically match the rest of the poem.

3) Lack of Punctuation: You are missing commas through out the piece. I will be honest that I am very OCD about this kind of stuff, but commas do make a difference, and have one of the greatest roles in poetry when trying to describe, or depict a scene.

Overall, this piece can use a lot of work, but if you fix a few things, you will grow more as a writer and your writing will become better. You can write very well, and do not give up on it. This was not the best, but it was not the worst. Please continue to grow as a writer and show it in your writing. :)

Rating /100