Enthrallment

I wish to captivate

the wind for a moment

even if it’s dumb
unable to love
it has it more than me

`

touching you unpunished
and without explanation
it deride all mine 
untaken attempts

 

I wish to captivate
the wind for one moment
to approach and feel
listen how you live

 

let then come 
all the ends of beyond 
I will accept it without fear
you will be abreast

 

Translated by 
Anna Jakubczak vel RattyAdalan

Author's Note

It's a poem written by my best friend Annie Chalasz which I translated. I got an agreement to sharing it.

Reviews

[Chris]

THIS is NOT a dig at you...but it IS a real comment for you to mull over.

Translating anything into another language - while maintaining the original author's intended flavour of the thought-flow requires a lot of personal questioning and a near native speakers grasp of both languages. I can take the first stanza MANY ways - as it stands in English. I believe I understand the gist of what your friend is wanting to express but my own mind feels a degree of confusion with how I really want to read THAT thought-flow aloud. Knowing it is a translation, my mind wants to further morph it into what I find I think she could have been saying (using the language to actually speak, rather than choosing the nearest word to a shade of meaning) - which in itself is also a broad and likely not very fair assumption on my part.

Anyway, welcome to WC... I look forward to "listening" to your thoughts.

Chris

[RattyAdalan]

I have to say that I feel better when I translate my poems. When I translate poem by my friend or other authors I am afraid that I will do it well and show what the author would say. My English isn't fluent, how I say under other poem on this page - I still learn English, and unfortunately make a mistakes, sometimes I write ununderstandably to foreigners. Translating isn't easy, when you translate something you have to feel it and looking for a good word to use in you translation - I think it is most difficult. My translation isn't professional, maybe in the future they will be better and I will became translator - I dream about it, especially I would like to translate literature. You are right in your words. Advices are so important to me, and always I try to hear them, they helps develope my artistic workshop I can say yet that translation can be amazing adventure and experience, like a joy. It's really great! And I like it Regards :)

[Chris]

Its nice listening to you.