Without a goodbye.

I lost alot of things, friends, family and many other things and everytime I lose something I get a different feeling. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I feel nothing at all, sometimes all I have to do is keep yelling and screaming and it works sometimes, until I lost you.

Losing you was like dropping a tear into an ocean and searching for it once again. And when I lost you, screaming and yelling and all these stuff didn't really work, it doesn't heal anything; not anymore. It's like putting your hand on my heart and then you plucked it fastly, I could feel my whole chest burn but I had nothing to say.

Why did you leave? you should've seen my pale-crying face at night; thinking about how painful it was to leave me. One day you're here and the other day you're gone. That's too much for me; almost mind-blowing. 

Did I deserve all this? you don't have the courage to tell me goodbye? Well, I do. Maybe I would send you a letter in the last whiskey bottle we drank together and I hope you suffer, just like I do right now.

-Rassoul

Author's Note

Tell me your opinion about this.
And if there's any grammatical mistakes, let me know.

Reviews

[Archia]

This was very tragic and sad and it certainly had a lot of a deep emotions in it. I really liked how you built the emotions up through it and really showed the pain that it was causing.
Just a couple of small things; after a question mark you should start the next sentence with a capital letter. A lot is two words, not one. Also there's a few points where there's a word in the sentence which makes it not flow as smoothly as it could. Like here "all these stuff" these would probably be better as 'this'. "plucked it fastly," you don't really do something fastly you do it fast or quickly.
That's just my opinion though. It doesn't really take too much from the deeper point of this poem and the strength of the emotions. I loved the idea of the whiskey bottle, I thought it was very clever, but admittedly I don't like the idea of saying 'I hope you suffer' but that's definitely just my opinion of things. This was definitely a piece where the sadness of the emotions really came through and that was great to see.

[Rassoul]

I really appreciate your review, thanks alot for being nice and thanks for telling me your honest opinion.
I'll contact you sometime.

[Afrodestinyfan]

Wow, there is a lot of pain in such a short piece of work. It's also tragic to see that pain can make the love you once had for that person to turn into something like hate.
A few errors, but I saw that they've already been pointed out by other reviewers.

[Rassoul]

Yeah, I'll try my best to do a better job next times, thanks so much!

[Sinbulvinter]

Surely very emotional and passionate, I could really feel what the narrator was feeling with every word. The sadness, betrayal, anger. It does suck when someone leaves without giving any closure, not even a goodbye, makes it very hard to move forward.
Good job with this

[Rassoul]

Thanks alot for this review, hope you enjoyed!

[C Burg]

This piece is really good and very well worded to really express your emotions. Thank you so much for recommending this to me!

[Rassoul]

Thanks for your words, glad you enjoyed.

[rowan.taylorrr]

I love this, I think you could change some parts of flow. Like the beginning, the word "sometimes" is said quite a lot so I think that should be limited, but besides that I love it :)

[Rassoul]

I noticed that, thanks for your review and for your words!

[Vic]

Alot isn't a word, it's a lot. First word after a question should be capitalized. I like the simile about dropping a tear into the ocean.

[Rassoul]

Yeah I knew this after I uploaded it, just didn't want to edit it, thanks alot for your review.

[barleygirl]

I'm a straightforward writer, so I very much prefer a message like this that doesn't take any fancy interpretation. You're crystal clear on how this feels for the narrator. The best thing about this is using "teardrop in ocean" comparison, which is powerful & relatable. I also very much like the "whiskey bottle" ending which is imaginative.

[Hope]

Its a touching story, Rassoul...
The pain is palpable just by reading your story.....
Great work, My friend.:)

[Rassoul]

Thanks for spending your time reading it, I appreciate.

[Hope]

My pleasure.....

[Karmee]

wow! so many emotions here, sad really but over all nicely written.

[Rassoul]

Thanks for your words!

[Kandil]

Wow really nice and touching. very sad the way I like it!

[Rassoul]

Thanks alot, glad you liked it.

[Nerio]

Another intense fragment which deals directly with the world of feelings. This time you choose to tell us about a separation and the aftermaths on the character's daily life. I cannot help but notice again a strong vehemence in the use of words, together with the repetition (in a different form) of the same concept. Thanks to these stylistic choices, the reader is hit by what I may define a 'wall of feelings' (anger and pain in particular). I appreciate the introduction of a little particular such as the empty bottle of whiskey: technically speaking that is a 'transfert object', a symbolic element which catalyzes the emotions and becomes more then a simple piece of glass. Also the fact that the story is written as a monologue, makes this piece even more strong.

Now, let me give you a very little and humble suggestion regarding 'writing about feelings'. Whenever is possible, tell the story also with events instead that only with a character's speeches. The reader may share more if he/she is lead to live the same events of your characters. Little details are very important! Don't focuse only on WHAT but on HOW it hapened. In short: don't be afraid of telling more, adding more particulars and inventing a whole world around your story. It will increase the empathy of the reader and the catharsis of the writer ;)

Great piece. Carry on like that Rassoul

[Rassoul]

Your reviews are always helpful, I just don't know how to thank you and I'm so glad you liked this and spent some time reading my writing.

[Rassoul]

And yeah sure, I will take notes of what you said.

[Nerio]

you are Always welcome ;)