Me and ?

I wanna be a tramp like one in my english book I just want to be an individual one - for whom no one care no one will be worried for me anymore sometimes, I just want to over it all I just want to be out of those catchy relations and all things which makes me to stay all virtuality pull me and my individuality again and again and like every time - i accept and go for it like a fly in spider's web a rat in rattrap I'm nothing but just a crap and for me this world is nothing but just a creation with so much variation and with so much relation Sometimes, I just want to run out far from here - A World where..... no one knows me, no one woes me no friend, no foe no parent, no teacher just me and my soul, my God, my Almighty but I know it's not possible in this Life one can attain it only after his death and before birth Buddha rightly said - relations are ropes, they tie us they catch us we follow that we do everything for this rope even sacrifice our hope(s) Why I'm in much constraints? I want to know I want to be out from here I want to walk on a way where - nobody will follow me and no one will stop me I want to walk lonely on every road but again, I know.... someone will be there I can go but nowhere I want to know Why? Why You made this World? with so much of love with full of hate for bait? and a faith on Your Existence? while I'm writing this I'm again behind a relation - A rope with no destination A relation of faith A world of bait someone who will not wait.

Author's Note

please review openly. I want pure critique because I'm here to know where I stand right now, coz I just started writing. And please do suggest a title.

Reviews

[Kagami2110]

Despite some grammatical errors. I love this poem since it reflects who I am as an individual. I can very much relate to the poem. Most of the time I wonder how it would be like if I didn't encounter the things that bind me to my life right now. I always thought of leaving, but the moment someone or something of those things steps in leaving or running away seems more painful than staying with the pain. Something will always bind me somewhere. And I think that's the same for everyone. There's always this point where running away may seem to be the easier option, but once it's done or about to be done something just keeps us bound. I see it as something like that. I really love this poem. Two thumbs up :) As for the title I suggest "Bound" or "Roped" or "Chained" or "Attachments". But really what you feel like should be the title would be perfect for this piece.

[Rasi Rana]

Thanks for your valuable review) and for suggesting names) I came up with a name "Me and ?" how it sounds? I chose this bcoz it tells about an individual and his relations with rest of the world. He wants to communicate with the God and at last he draw a conclusion, you can say a blur conclusion :)
and I'd be thankful to you if you could point out my grammar mistakes)

[Kagami2110]

I think it's the right title. You should go for it :)

1. Why I'm in so much constraints? --> Why am I in many constraints or Why am I in much constraint? (I think?)
2. I just want to over it all --> (I'm not really sure if this is a grammatical mistake but it made me a bit confused that's all)

[Rasi Rana]

thanks a lot for helping me out) :)
editing done)

[Julie Spade]

Thank You for the request for I am honored to read your pieces ! Now, i am pumped and ready to write a poem myself ! The piece itself is obscure and cypitic, smart and blunt which I personally like. Ive questioned my existence, my faith, and my overall mind set ! Your words grab me within a futurisic and overbearing thought of how I will end up in a few years or even tomorrow. I pressume that your stance of the writing aspect, you wish to make people think of your piece in the morning, in the evening and lengthened time . Your goal has been accomplished and for that I thank you !

[Rasi Rana]

You are welcomed) yes I want the same, honestly I don't like to read or write love poems, by "love poem" I mean love b/w just two persons.

[DarkFantasy]

Can find traces of existentialism in your poem. You have done a good job with free verse.

[Rasi Rana]

thank you)

[radio raven]

I like it, it was interesting, I wouldn't use the word crap though only becouse well it just dosent fit with the other clever words but it's just my personal taste.

[Rasi Rana]

u r right bt at that time it was in my head lol :)

[radio raven]

I like it, it was interesting, I wouldn't use the crap though only becouse well it just dosent fit with the other clever words but it's just my personal taste.

[radio raven]

I like it, it was interesting, I wouldn't use the crap though only becouse well it just dosent fit with the other clever words but it's just my personal taste.

[Laminators Dubai]

First thing first. Its a really fascinating poem as the state of mind that time. Including a boardline between hopelessness and confessional...whatever you tried to express worked and a successful experiment.

[Rasi Rana]

thank you)

[Laminators Dubai]

......................^^

[Raymond Federle]

There seems to be many themes and ideas within this piece. The strongest I feel is the desire for freedom. Often times people feel trapped by their culture, appearance, religion, location or a myriad of different constraints. The one driving force in all of human kind is the desire to be free. With knowledge comes strength, with strength come power, with power come the ability to free ones self. In short... free your mind, your body will follow. A very well done and compelling work. I have to admit an idea for a title escapes me however quite a few poets simply number them (Poem #1) or date them (Poem Thursday, December 20th 2013)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Again my friend a wonderful piece.We all wish sometimes that we could escape our lives and start from scratch,but I wonder what would we do different? :)

[Rasi Rana]

yeah sometimes we do) :)

PS Thanks for having a look here)

[Vidya Bacchus]

You are welcome it was my pleasure:)

[soulesswriter]

umm the I in the second sentence is lowercase And the you could combine the second and third line in the second paragraph maybe it goes better you should ask about it though because it would sound like this(and for me this world is nothing but a creation with so much variation ) and you did little grammar mistakes like lower casing uppercase letters but we all do mistakes like that.i liked when you put an option if the reader wants to read hope as hope or hopes. The poem means that your enticed to your religion right?to tell you the truth i think the poem is perfect the way it is all i did is suggested ideas but if you leave it like that it would still be perfect

[Rasi Rana]

Thanks for your valuable review) nice to hear from you.

[soulesswriter]

haha no problem.you should keep writing its was fun reading this i liked reading this

[Rasi Rana]

okk) so I edited it) and posting a new poem)

[BubblingMe]

Oo really cool! I like how it rhymes and flows, good job!

[Rasi Rana]

Thanks) :)