I Want Something

I just don't know what...

Every emotion enhanced in a moment, and you crumble, praying for just one single second of relief. Tears and slime burst from you leaving an emotional and physical emptiness. Memories become enemies and no one matters except yourself.

I end up watching "Fifty Shades of Grey", feeling the sexual and emotional tension opposing my closing mind. I even find my eyes tearing up, until my computer reaches the illegally downloaded movies' climactic moment and then freezing. I fall back into desperation and self pity. A feeling somewhat foreign to me, or at least thats what I tell myself.

Sometimes I believe that I have to feel this way, that if I don't force pure emotion out of me I'll never live. How can I enjoy a song if I don't join the artist on their journey? My dad tells me "thats what drugs are for". Maybe he's right, but I'd never tell him this. Especially now that I'm hiding in my room, as he silently shakes his head with disappointment and frustration, still playing his idiotic video game. 

Mom watches TMZ videos on her ipad and tries to ignore her burning desire to tell me her life story once again, knowing it doesn't connect to my problems in any way. I feel sorry for her, she thinks she's fading. 

I finally wipe my face to an extent where I can now see, and as I push my cramping feet off the bed I see my neighbors out my window laughing to themselves. I can't wait to get out of high school.

Reviews

[Wolfwind Words]

Like a postage stamp on a postcard, these words capture one day in the life of many. One line really jumps out at me.

"How can I enjoy a song if I don't join the artist on their journey?"

Is it's really about their journey? I'm forced to ask myself. I think at all the music that has played along this road called life and I realize that it's never been about the artists journey. It's really only been about my journey, in which the artist simply becomes the music playing in the background.

This piece of ink had the reader pondering emotions and situations. Trapped between someone who's an escapist and tries to hide reality out, and a relivist, who wish time could have stopped at some point and doesn't see the future as anything better.

A thought... highschool... so long ago now for me, but a glance back... it was a double edged sword... it was the place to make memories, gain experiences... yet... be a shelter from the world of real that was always linger just beyond the school gates. I wish I knew then what I know now... that's for sure.

As always... life is a journey. I'm sure even know looking back at when you wrote this, life has been interesting or fun.

Thanks for sharing!
Aaron