A Happier Night

No directions, just the dialogue

Chris: I'd like to get you a drink.

Mary: I'm sure you would.

Chris: What you in the mood for?

Mary: Nothing.

Chris: Hey dude. 

Bartender: What do yah want.

Chris: Two zombies ...

Bartender: Yeah ... alright.

Mary: Interesting choice.

Chris: I think so.

Mary: I don't like zombies.

Chris: Shoulda told me that.

Mary: How was I supposed to know you would order us s****y drinks.

Chris: How was I supposed to know you don't like zombies.

Mary: By asking smart one.

Chris: Oh c'mon I didn't ask you to meet me so we could bicker.

Mary: Then why did you.

Chris: Hey, the zombies look good.

Bartender: Ten dollars.

Mary: Here. Thanks.

Chris: I could've payed.

Mary: I understand that.

Chris: Ok. Good.

Mary: Thats all you have to say?

Chris: Yes.

Mary: Your such an a*****e.

Chris: Ok lets calm ourselves. Were in public here.

Mary: No s**t.

Chris: Your head is throbbing.

Mary: Your right. This zombie really isn't that bad.

Chris: Agreed.

Mary: Were getting somewhere.

Chris: I'm glad. 

Mary: Are you?

Chris: That question is ridiculous.

Mary: God I can't even talk to you.

Chris: Why?

Mary: Now thats a stupid question.

Chris: Ok.

Mary: Stop that.

Chris: Stop what?

Mary: Being ok with things. Its not ok.

Chris: Your right.

Mary: Thanks for that captain obvious.

Chris: I'm serious. Your right. Nothing is ok. Nothing. Were all gonna die!

Mary: Shut up.

Chris: What? Its true. Everybody run! Its the apocalypse!

Mary: Why do you mock me?

Chris: Because its easy.

Mary: You suck.

Chris: Hey Mary.

Mary: What now?

Chris: Hey Mary.

Mary: Holy s**t what Chris?

Chris: Marry me.

Mary: Why? Why would I do that?

Chris: Why not? We got no one else.

Mary: Do I look desperate?

Chris: Your husband just left you, your family disowned you. You sure sound desperate.

Mary: The fact that your proposing over s****y drinks.

Chris: Focus here Mary.

Mary: I can't. Your proposing to me because your depressed. Because I'm depressed. This aint right.

Chris: Like you know whats right.

Mary: I didn't say that. But I sure as hell know what's not right. 

Chris: Your so selfish.

Mary: Me? You only want to marry me because your a thirty year old virgin who just lost his job. So f**k off will yah?

Chris: I don't know why I would ever ever think about marrying you. Your insane.

Mary: And your cruel.

Chris: This was a stupid idea.

Mary: Was it?

Chris: Yes.

Mary: Of course.

Chris: Of course what?

Mary: I worry about what is going on in your head, when real life is happening here. 

Chris: What? You don't make sense.

Mary: I'm saying you need to get your head out of your a*s.

Chris: Thanks sweet heart.

Mary: F**k you.

Chris: I'd love you to.

Mary: Forget it. I'm leaving.

Chris: Fine. Call you later.

Mary: If I'm still alive.

Chris: Ok. Bye. Bartender, mind cleaning this funk up.

Bartender: Your fucked up.

Chris: F**k off. Heres your s****y tip.

Bartender: She was gonna say yes.

Chris: Open your ears. She completely trashed the whole idea. Calling me selfish. Like I'm the only desperate person here. Its two pm. Everyone here at this crappy joint is desperate.

Bartender: Open your eyes buddy.

Chris: To what? Your ugly face? S**t, no thanks.

Bartender: She took her ring off.

Chris: What ring?

Bartender: The trashy engagement ring. From her old marriage.

Chris: Damn were you listenin in the whole time?

Bartender: Anyways, she took it off.

Chris: She loves that ring.

Bartender: Well she sure took it off pretty quickly.

Chris: Why'd she do that?

Bartender: Your retarded.

Chris: You think she really would've said yes?

Bartender: No s**t.

Chris: Damn. Only girl that'll give me the time of day. Sure aint saying much though.

Bartender: Want another drink.

Chris: Oh yeah.

Bartender: What do yah want?

Chris: What do you usually get?

Bartender: I'll surprise you.

Chris: Great.

Bartender: Here. So. You gonna go after her?

Chris: Nah.

Bartender: Can I get her number then man.

Chris: Hell no, thats my wife s**t head.

Bartender: Your a crazy b*****d.

Chris: And your my best man.

Bartender: I aint wearin a tux.

Chris: Didn't ask you to.

Bartender: We're closin soon.

Chris: Fine. Fine. I'm out. See you tomorrow.

Bartender: Yeah bye loser.

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

I think first impression would be... If I knew both of them and walked up to them and they had that conversation. I hit them both over the head with a rubber mallet and tell them to go back to grade school and learn how to play nice.

While it is a quick paced conversation... between two people and the bartender as a bystander, there are certain cues that would have to be there on stage or the part about the ring has no context or power behind it. Some stage direction, or some scene description is almost critical to get the bang for your buck in this dialog.

Emotionally... I'd say I couldn't relate to either main character... I could relate to the bartender though. I'd say the piece is off centered mix of the slice of life and an attempt at humor... it's hard to tell which one it really leans towards. With a piece like this, I'd focus on who your audience is going to be... and fine tune it towards that particular niche. I don't think the piece would fit a wide range of people. Yet, if I were to have a say... I'd got for an age window of 25 to 40, middle class or higher. I'd think it would be best performed on stage, in a small venue so the audience could watch the facial manerisms of the actors and the body language. Get the right actors and actresses and I believe this might work pretty well.

In conclusion I'll say... I hope I never have to witness people actually talking like that. I would serious re-afirm my belief that humanity is de-evolving.

Nice work! =)

Aaron - Wolfwind

[Rosaria_V]

I like this but I would honestly love to see this actually used to feel what the actors would feel as they say the words. Other than that very well done!

[Marie]

Yes, it is like more conversations. But will it resonate with an audiance.?

[Ranger Nadaly]

How do you think I can improve this piece. What areas seem weak do you think.