Vocabulary

Today’s word boys and girls, is dingus. Now dingus has been around for a long time, and maybe fell out of use sometimes after the making of the Bad News Bears, but it is still relevant to today’s lexicon, regardless of whether it has fallen into disuse.

Dingus can mean several things. According to the Urban Slang Dictionary:

a. A person or animal that displays stupidity or does something disappointing. A different and possibly more polite way to call a friend, pet, or stranger a dumb a*s, shithead or fool.

b. Slang for penis.
"I drove back across town because some dingus didn't take the damn ink tag off my new shirt."
"I don't chase my wife around naked in the house anymore. Last time I bruised my dingus.
Both of these meanings can be of use. The flow of saying I bruised my dingus after chasing my wife around the house naked just feels more appropriate.

And when I need a polite way to say shithead, this is definitely going to be the term that breaks out.

Also, and this is scary, because I just might be a dingus:

A person who is exceptionally goofy or awkward in nature, but in an endearing and lovable way
The tall, lanky dingus with glasses and long hair stumbled across the room and fell over the Gamecube wires.
Pretty sure I fell over the gamecube wires a time or two, and I am definitely tall and lanky, a little light on the hair, though.

Also, and my favorite, and also personally applicable:

Another word for a spaz.
NOTE: a dingus is NOT a stupid person, because a dingus is someone who can make you laugh by doing stupid THINGS, but they are not stupid people. a stupid person is an idiot. idiot and dingus are different.
(your friend is rocking back and forth on their chair and it topples over, thus flinging them across the room)
you say "dude, you're such a DINGUS"
Now it is a shame that the 90’s came along and killed the word spaz, but that is an issue for another day. I also didn’t know that a dingus and an idiot are two different people. Good to know.
The reason I bring all of this up in such a manner is that divine providence has landed a quest in my lap. I know, it may sound funny to the non believers, but I have been given a task from the divine.
I am not one to question my creator because if I did, it would be a hell of a conversation. A conversation with no end.
The clouds parted. The sky separated. A beam of light suddenly engulfed me. The entirety of creation was momentarily blacked out of existence to me and to me only. A voice filled my ears, but nobody was present, which is kind of creepy. I felt like I knew what was happening but at the same time I had no clue. I kept looking for a guy in a burning bush, but it just wasn’t there.
“Jason,” the voice said.
“Oh, ah, yea, what’s up?” I asked.
“Do you know who this is?” it asked.
“Of course I do,” I lied. I had no idea who this was but when you hear a voice coming from the sky you usually decide you’re either f*****g crazy or it’s God himself, and either way, the s**t stains are still in your pants, and the smart thing to do is just go with it and hope you wake up with a nurse that isn’t too terrible or hairy knuckled wiping your a*s while your arms are restrained.
“Jason, I have been watching the Bad News Bears, and it occurred to me that the word dingus has fallen out of use. Do you know of this word?” it asked.
“I’ve been known to call someone a dingus on occasion.” I replied.
“Then I have done my homework well. You see, Jesus has been kind of down lately. Never should have shacked up with that w***e. And that word was like his thing, you know what I mean? He’s always walking around Heaven saying, “Hey, what up, dingus.” And for a while it was great. People laughed. They got it. Then Boner came to Heaven, you remember Boner from Growing Pains. Then everyone kept saying Boner. And pretty soon people forgot what dingus even meant.”
I nodded my head not knowing whether or not this would convey my understanding to someone who was not there, but again, I was just going with it.
“Now, there are five billion of you little dinguses out there. That’s five billion chances to put a smile on Jesus’ face. And I have chosen you because of your superior dingus like qualities. (I heard a cough as he spoke the last line.) Use whatever means necessary, but get the word out. And it would do me a little favor if you could leave my name out of it. I don’t want any imperial entanglements.”
And with that, the whole of creation was laid out before my eyes as if it had never left. I wholeheartedly accept this challenge, and fully intend to make believers out of five billion of us fuckers.
So, for me, for the mysterious voice, for the nurse who wipes my a*s, yourself, and Jesus, use the word and pray like this:
Now, I lay my dingus down to rest
I thank the Lord; my dingus is blessed
I have my dingus and family and my home
And freedom, should I choose to roam with my dingus..
My dingus is filled with skies of blue
My nights are filled with sweet dingus, too
My dingus has no reason to beg or plead
I have been given all the dingus I need.
Beneath the subtle moonlit glow of my dingus
I thank the Lord, so He will know my dingus
How grateful I am for my dingus and my life
In times of glory and of strife.
The times of glory give my dingus hope
The times of strife teach my dingus to cope
Thus, I my dingus is stronger in turn.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yes, this represents the many sides of a dingus.
My dad had his word for stupid people (a dingus is not) and his word was "darb."

A dad word I suppose....I never heard anyone else use that term...
this poem is quite informational.
I may cite it in my next research paper!
j.

[Ranger Kessel]

Thank you for the read and review

[Tricessimus]

A delightful treatise in defense of the word dingus, I will make sure to add it to my daily lexicon. God told you to do it but also asked to not be mentioned... we all fall short and he seems big on forgiveness these days. You delivered a great hook and a twist, it was good enough to catch this fish.

[Ranger Kessel]

Thanks for the read and review