So this is good bye

A Story by bohemianmonk

This is a personal good bye letter to my love and best friend

Summer, Baby girl I said we need to talk. That is the last thing I ever got to say to you. I wish I could say what I need to to your face. That you where not so scared to face me. That you could hear my voice one last time. I feel I deserve that. To be able to say good bye one last time, to be able to know you one last time and hear your voice, But you refuse. I am to let go but never be able to say good bye the right way... But you wont so this will have to do. There are so many things Summer. So many things unsaid. So many things never done. So many dreams left unfulfilled. I wanted so bad to hold you and feel you in my arms, to dance with you and to be able to look in your eyes with mine, No glass wall no screen. To be able to walk hand in hand with you and be able to tell you I love you with out having to be so far away. I wanted to make you smile and bring you flowers and be able to see you blush and giggle and be able to rest my hands on your cheeks and feel the warmth. I wanted to show you what was inside of me. I wanted to prove to you how much I love you. So many things left not done. Another thing I really wish.. I wish I could have shown your family who and what I really am. The man you know I am and not the lies they where told. I am not a monster I know this. I thought I was. Hideous unwanted ugly and abandoned. You showed me that I was not and even tho you hide from me I know its not because of that. I am not the monster. I am just a person with a heart who fell in love with some one else. I did not choose it nor did you. It just happened, Our hearts touched and we made a connection. I know you where young and you still are in many ways. The things I ask you are not ready for. Its not fair to either of us. I wish they could see that. I know I say I dont care what people think of me and that I could not care less if they don't like me but honestly that was a lie. I do care. I care because they have been taking care of some one I care about very much I wanted to prove to them I was not what they where told. I wanted to thank them for giving you life and making you so wonderful. I wanted them to know how I have always been there for you when you cried and how I always told you how beautiful and amazing you are. I wanted them to see you happy and know that every day I try my very best to make you that way. I am not the monster in this story. They pulled you away from me to try and make sure you where safe but honestly.. I dont blame them, I just wish that if they had an issue they would take the time to know me because they don't realize them and I are on the same side. I wonder what they would say if they new all the little things I know. All the times I saved you and you saved me. I wonder if they ever thought about why you have that tattoo on your wrist and if they figured it out that it is about those darkest days how we would sit there and your demons would try and bring you down and we would fight them together. You and me, we survived together. I know your not going to forget me, or those days. The things we got through. I know when you look at that tattoo you will think of the wolf who was there in the shadows helping you find your way through the dark. I am proud of you baby, I really am. I am proud of us and the things we got through. I do not care what any one else says.. it was worth it even if this story has to come to a close we made it in the end. You are stronger then you know and you are right you don't need me any more. Please be proud of your past. Please learn from it and realize you are stronger now. And when you are old and grey and you look down at those scars that have faded and the mark on your skin remember at on point in your life that you where loved, even if I am dead and gone you have been loved unconditionally fully and wholly. I could never hate you, I could never not want you. I will never slam that door shut. Even if you are sitting there and trying to rip pages out of the book of your life I will never do that to mine. I am happy when I think back to the five years we have spent as best friends and the 2 years we spent as more. I will read back and think of you. The beautiful amazing girl with the blue eyes who showed me how to let my anger go. I will never forget the little fox who would not run even when every one else wanted to or those who wanted me in a cage. You came to me and curled up in my fur, This black blood stained wolf and showed him he was a good and pure silver underneath. How could I ever let go of all those happy memories. But this is now and you you want to let go, you want to stop hurting for me. Today I write this is at midnight of our 2 year, The same day it all started.. some thing poetic in that and tragic thought. Knowing I am there is making this hard for you. I am not trying to breath down your neck I am not trying to hurt you. I am simply wanting to destroy the last scrap of what ever it is that is left. You know just as well as I that even if I stop fallowing and I will still be there. The wolf, in the shadows and maybe more importantly the man who had a place in your heart. You will always have a place in mine Summer and if you still want to have a place in my life I will always be here. I am sorry I make you hurt but there are so many things I wish I could say, like how the idea of all the things I gave you going in the trash makes me break down crying or how my life is changing for the better even with you gone or how it frightens me the idea of the rest of my life with out the one who called me her soul mate. So many things still.. But know this.. I do love you baby, forever and for always some where in the dreams there is a little fox and a wolf with a scar on one eye playing and loving each other. I am not trying to fight, I have done as you ask and done my best not to msg you. I am not trying to fight for you I am simply enduring being with out you, this feeling of being only half. I put the things up online because they make me happy when I remember you. I am not fighting, I am simply enduring. It hurts not to speak, to be silent but I do it for you. Because I love you. Because it is what you ask. I will always love you and care about you. So be proud and be strong and if you ever need me I will be there.

Your wolf forever
Daniel