Don't eat my pickles!

THIS IS A FICTIONAL POEM.

I make my own pickles but they're no good.

When it comes to eating them, no one should.

They're even worse than the ones Aunt Bee made.

If you ever eat one, you'd better be afraid.

They taste like kerosene even though they're dill.

Don't eat my pickles, they've been known to kill.

A woman wanted some rat poison but she used my pickles instead.

In less than five minutes, every rat in her house was dead.

A man just took a bite of one of my pickles and he's gone blind.

If the dumbass had listened to me, he wouldn't be in this bind.

A lady wasted her money when she bought a baby carriage.

She ate one of my pickles and then she had a miscarriage.

If you come to my house, you'd better listen to me on the double.

Don't you dare eat one of my pickles or you will be in trouble.