Perfect Girl

The girl that makes my heart beat faster,

and the girl that makes me smile and laugh,

The girl that makes me take a seat,

a girl that is faithful and will never cheat.

 

I'll place my heart in you hand for one reason,

as long as you can stop me from my high treason,

I will only do what I can for you,

I say I love you I wanna hear I love you too,

she wont be laid to waste and do what wasteful people do.

 

One thing I say is she is my world, 

because she is my only perfect girl.

Reviews

[Lizzy]

Hey, great job!
I can totally see a potential poet here. I think you are totally on your way. You know what you want to say, and you say it, and that's really good. But . . .
I think you should choose: Do you want to rhyme or not? If you do, you need to focus on your pattern. I can totally see you writing non rhyming poetry though, and I think that you will go far if you decide not to rhyme because you're stretching your limits, and when you, or anyone, tries to rhyme, it, well, limits you.
And I'm a bit thrown off by the whole "treason" part. "as long as you can stop me from my high treason" ...VERY good rhyming with reason, I couldn't have come up with that. I just don't get it. Maybe I'm interpreting it wrong, but isn't that saying, As long as you can keep me from cheating, I'll love you. Um. . I think I don't understand the poem the way I should.
Forget everything I said, I think you can definitely speak to people. Good Luck, and a very sweet poem. You will DEFINITELY go very far in life. :)

[poetic soul]

perfect ode to the perfect lady of yo life.. sweet indeed!! :)

Regards,
Poetic Soul

[Meradee]

Oh...so sweet. Do you know how many girls wish to be called 'my perfect girl'? I'm glad that you wrote this.
Pepper...