The last convo

I named this the last convo thinking it would inspire me to write the most heartfelt letter I've ever wrote. unfortunately to be honest im so nervous im shaking i have some much cuddling, so much backed up excitment and smothering ive been holding just for you, even though I know your not big on it, to know where to start

I think overs and overs what I'd say to you and each time it ends with me crying, I can't help it im human I have emotions and for some reason you've been able to bring them out of me as much as my family when it comes to wanting your attention and effection, and walking away when I don't get it even though I did something to make it wrong and deserve punishment

I yern for your touch, your kiss, he sound of your voice the pure joyness in your laugh that brightens my soul. Anything as such as a hint that you don't hate me I know I screwed my chance and this isn't a letter to try and get you back its just a letter to inform you on how I feel even though it may seem like I post it every day at least it will be proof to back up what I say

Its been days and weeks and months since I heard your voice.I break out in tear when I hear your name, I see your pictures and I can't but thing dang I blew the chance I worked and waited for so bad over me being impatient and thinking bad. I blame myself every day and I became very mad at myself and took it out on the only ones I had left that were close. Its not an excuse for the way I reacted I just wasn't prepared for how everything happened

I've been through a lot so Im horrible at attachments I crave attention and acceptance. I'll go above and beyond for you because that's what makes me happy thats why this time of separation has been crappy. I've tried to reach out for months to correct my wrongs and I got no response, but I can't blame you. I think about you constantly what your doing? How's your day? Have you ate? Is anything on your mind? Can I help? I can't escape it and I must say I don't want to, by now I know things will never be the same it motivates me in my daily life all while mentally driving me insane.

As tears fill my eyes while I write this goodbye, im scrambling to form words that are just right, all while my hearts shouting I LOVE YOU R.C. ever since you told me not to that first night.... I crave you so much and as we start a new year I wish you the best our future is uncertain and our status is clear but if you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask bc your mi reina and ill always care.