If Andy Rooney Did A Monologue On Rain, It Might Go Something Like This

My first attempt at anything like this. I hope it gives you a tickle.

     “Talkin’ to myself and feelin’ old.” Well, I’m not really talking to myself I’m talking to you. I just thought that first line from “Rainy Days and Mondays” by the Carpenters would be a good way to talk about rain. After all, rain is one of those things we see and hear about everyday, whether it falls from the sky or not. When it does, the weatherman calls it precip, as in “there’s a 20% chance of precip today.” I never liked that word, “precip.” If it’s gonna rain, just say it, okay?

     Country singers really like to use the word rain in their lyrics, like Trisha Yearwood singing about the “Georgia Rain,” or Elvis crooning about “Kentucky Rain.” I don’t think it matters which state it rains in, it still makes things wet and muddy. Glen Yarborough once sang “Baby The Rain Must Fall, while Credence Clearwater Revival asked “Who’ll Stop The Rain?” in their big hit from the 70’s. Wonder if they were having an argument. Two of my favorites are “Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head,” by B.J. Thomas, and “Listen To The Rhythm of the Falling Rain, by the Cascades, but you’re all probably too young to remember that one. You should listen to it. Prince even got into the act with “Purple Rain,” although I never understood why he gave it a color, just like the movie “Black Rain.” Hollywood also gave us “Hard Rain,” and “Rain Man,” with Tom Cruise and Dustin Hoffman. That was a good one. But nothing tops Gene Kelly’s ‘Singing In The Rain,” which has the all-time great scene of him dancing in the rain wearing a rain slicker. That’s a great word, slicker, by the way. It looks kind of like the slicker the Morton girl wears, umbrella in one hand, box of open salt in the other to show us that “when it rains it pours.” And sometimes it just doesn’t pour, it “rains cats and dogs.” I don’t know where that euphemism came from, but it’s a sight I’d like to see.

     Strangers often use rain as a conversation starter, like “we sure could use some rain,” or “we needed that rain,” or “we could use a good soaker.” Farmers always seem to need rain, although some years they get soaked more than they bargained for and they end up with flooded fields. That’s when strangers ask you “is it ever going to stop raining,” which then of course starts that CCR song playing in your head again.

     Rain is also a big part of the products we buy and use. There’s “Rain Dance” car wax, which makes sure our cars stay clean and shiny after a rain storm by making the raindrops bounce off the hood and windshield. Tide laundry detergent has a scent called “meadows and rain,” which I imagine makes your clothes smell like rained-on flowers. If you want your body to smell like rain, you can choose from hand soaps like Colgate’s “Rainforest Series,” which have cute little pictures of Pandas and Ladybugs on the label. I imagine there’s an underarm anti-perspirant  or deodorant with the word “rain” in it, although that would be an oxymoron, because we all want to make sure our armpits stay dry and don’t smell, right?

     Of course, when we were little kids and it started to rain our parents would tell us that heaven was crying and we were seeing angel’s tears. They also told us when we wanted to spend money to “save it for a rainy day,” but they’d never let us out to go to the store on days it did rain. Hmmm. Department stores give you a “rain check” when they run out of something they’ve advertised on sale. That means you can go back and get it for the sales price when they restock it, which would probably be that rainy day you saved for.

     People in Seattle and London don’t save for rainy days because they don’t have to; Mother Nature takes care of that by making sure it rains in those cities almost every day of the year. Which is kind of depressing and makes me want to think instead about the sun and sunshine, which are two other words we see and hear a lot of every day, even when the big yellow ball isn’t shining down on us or casting it’s rays. But I’ll save that discussion for another time. Right now I’m going to catch the weather forecast. I heard there’s a 90% chance of precip tomorrow, which means I’ll probably curl up on the couch with my old friends Gene and Karen to keep me company. And if it really is pouring, chances are good this old man will be snoring. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick...

 

 

    

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Dizzy-Izzy]

That was great. I love Andy Rooney. Although sometimes I feel like the only person under 50 who enjoys 60 minutes... tick, tick, tick, tick.

I remember the Carpenters too. Has there been another voice like Karen's ever?

"Listen to the rythym of the falling rain,
telling me just what a fool I've been...
I wish that it would go and let me cry in vain,
and let me be alone again..." Love that song, don't know why I know it. Does that ever happen to you?

You remember Neil Sedaka's "Laughter in the Rain?" That is a good one too.

You know Andy Rooney is turning 90? That just blows me away! I hope he never retires...

This was a lot of fun, thank you for sharing it.

Kristina

[J. Marc]

Well, it is a piece of writing that one reads like a nice story, for there are so many things in there with which one can only empathize with, without living in London or Seattle. I also love rain songs for I live in a tropical county. “Come rain or come shine”, “Over the rainbow” or “here comes the rain again” could complete the list. There is also a writer called “rain” on this forum who writes poem about the subject. Thanks for the little trip in the realm of rain!!!

[None]

I'm looking out the window after reading your entertaining thoughts on rain and although it was supposed to be sunny today...I'm afraid it's going to rain again. I loved the mix of songs and how you tied (or Tide haha) everything together and your writing flowed so well when expressing all here. You just reminded me of a Supertramp song called "It's Raining Again," I believe it was by them...they had a great video to go with it when MTV first came out. Exceptional writing here! I believe the term purple rain has to do with a certain look and color the rain has rarely and is considered lucky to be in it. A little tidbit I was told anyway. Good luck in the contest!!

[charlotte talley]

I love Andy Rooney. And you are just about right he would tell it like this. You uses alot of information about rain, I like the way you put it all together. Yes this is a monologue. great work.