for the grief is all mine

for the grief is all mine

A Poem by ramu
"

this poem is composed from my heart,,, its my feelings

"
you hurt my heart,
whenever we part...
you tore me apart,
when we part.......
you made me a sachet,
and threw me away...
the days are gone
of saccharine love...
the days that came,
are of bitter tears...
you broke my heart
with a sabre sword.....
and never looked back
to see the sanctity of a friend....
i grin and bear it
for the grief is all mine
i'm in a groove....
not able to move....
but still i say
i liked you a lot....
the happiest saga
end in grief....
for the two friends,
had broken apart
the thread of friendship 
is so thin 
both of them...
never knew that............

© 2014 ramu


Author's Note

ramu
when i lost a friend i was so depressed...... i expressed that in my words... its my poem

My Review

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Featured Review

You repeat yourself alot in the first few lines with Part or variations of
The line "you made me a sachet" doesnt really make sense
You dont need to use ellipses all the time
the line "I liked you alot" is very lazy writing and something usually avoided, try being more descriptive, you dont like something you "adore her, like the tide adores the moon, its ebb and flow dictated by her movements alone " or something.



Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

You repeat yourself alot in the first few lines with Part or variations of
The line "you made me a sachet" doesnt really make sense
You dont need to use ellipses all the time
the line "I liked you alot" is very lazy writing and something usually avoided, try being more descriptive, you dont like something you "adore her, like the tide adores the moon, its ebb and flow dictated by her movements alone " or something.



Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

please let me know your openion......

Posted 10 Years Ago



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208 Views
2 Reviews
Added on May 29, 2014
Last Updated on May 29, 2014

Author

ramu
ramu

ADOOR, parakode, India



About
i like to spent my time reading books and writing poems more..

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