Chapter 1

Just diving in.

Chapter 1:

I sigh, Why am I here? Tapping my pencil impatiently on the cold black table top of a chilly science room. The petite red head girl sitting next to me gives me a sad attempt at a glare then returns to the test I finished over half an hour ago. Biology, my best subject, I’m alright at the others, but this year this one’s painfully easy and seems to crawl ever slower.

  The passing teacher lays one hand over my pencil, silencing it. I smile up at her sweetly through satin black lips. She gives me what might have been a smile but looks more like a grimace to me. I resort to flipping my pencil through long ring covered fingers.

I reach over to my binder and pull out my favorite evergreen package of eclipse gum. Spearmint, yum! The package makes a pleasantly loud popping sound as I force it to free my gum from its bubble. I pop it in my mouth and smile as the cool air meets my lungs. An involuntary shiver passes though my form. I close my eyes to better enjoy the almost painful blast of mint on my tongue… bad idea. I most definitely should not have stayed up so long last night. I feel sleep reaching for me with her long caressing fingers, waiting to carry me away to the waters of dreams. I try to pull away and drag my eyelids open but they will not obey and I relax into the kind gentle arms of sleep....

Sleep holds me for thoughtless for awhile. The currents in my ocean of rest pull and tug gently on my inert form. My breath rolls slowly in and out, keeping pace with the rolling waves above. My calm heart pumps my life blood lazily through my veins.

Somehow I enter a vague semi-consciousness. The current feels like a mother’s arms gently swaying back and forth, such a calming sensation. I stretch my senses to the tips of my fingers, twitching the tip of my smallest finger, feeling the muscles in my forearm pull as they hurry to follow my command. Colors swim playfully behind my closed lids and waters play with my long hair stretching it this way and that. Something nudges my arm sending alarmed signals to my brain….

My eyes fly open.  

Everything is distorted; I try to make sense of the moving colors and shattered light. My mind is confused. My first comprehendible thoughts are holy s**t, where am I? Quickly followed by a tightening in my lungs. I’m not breathing, I’m under water! That must be why my mind doesn’t let me breathe. Panic begins to flood my senses and a scream bubbles up in my throat but I have enough sense to hold it back. I clutch my neck with one hand and use the other to thrash in an attempt to find the surface. After several moments of this I discover my efforts to be useless. My lungs are going to burst! I think hopelessly. I stop. I cannot get to the surface and my lungs feel like they’re on fire and the lack of oxygen is taking its toll on the rest of my body. Red spots begin to dance across my vision, my limbs go slack and I begin to sink into cooler, darker waters. Tears would have fallen if I weren’t in the world’s sea of tears. My heart beats furiously but it doesn’t do any good now, it’s over. I look up and blink, my eyes don’t open again.

 

Reviews

[Aarontastic]

This is the only story I've come across on here with product placement in it XD I know you didn't mean the line about Eclipse gum to come across that way, but I couldn't help but laugh: you should get them to pay you for mentioning it in your story like that =p

Anyway, serious now: I liked this chapter; it succeeded in getting me into the story. I'm really interested in what comes next, following this mid-class nightmare, and I'm wondering how it fits into the bigger narrative you have in mind.

You use imagery here very well--I can tell you put a lot of thought into passages that you use to describe things and feelings. The whole dream sequence in particular was very pretty and, since you used your words well, I got engaged in something that could have been difficult to pull off for a less able writer.

There's nothing that really stands out as a negative as far as I can see, but there are a few minor sentences in the beginning that you might want to re-punctuate, but they don't really take away from the story that much.

[Eagle Cruagh]

A story after my heart. Told from the depths of your
imagination, told with the words of daily verbage, without
pretense ,or postering ...... profound.
Love it.
thank you ,
------ Eagle Cruagh

[PossiblyAlice]

Thank you, Someday I'll finish the whole novel!

[Ian]

Wow.
That was cool.
She's in school one moment, and the next she's under water!
Amazing! It's like a magic trick!! (JK)
Great job!

[{{Vanessa.Williams}}]

I really like your descriptions and your hook. It pulled me in immediately. I shall read on. =)

[Little Mouse]

youre a good little writer, dont stop
found this enjoyable enough to read on

tsk tsk and i should be getting ready for work...

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A well interpreted relevant stab at irony and the searhc for self worth, well done, keep writing.