The Idling Blade of Grass

                “You need to talk more. Show some confidence,” Mr. Allison says hovering over Ben.

Ben looks down at his apron speckled with smudges of various colors.

                “People could go anywhere they pleased to buy paint, Ben. They come to our store for our friendly environment and attitude.

                "It is simple. I call it the art of bullshitting. I learned it in college. It takes practice, but it is a skill you will use your entire life. It doesn’t matter where you go.”

Ben unlocks his jaw, but says nothing.

                “If you listen to me, you will hear me say the same s**t to every person that walks through that door,” Mr. Allison says.

                “Alright, Mr. Allison, I’ll do my best.”

An elderly man with waning hair, holding a slip of paper, limps in. Mr. Allison nods at the man, and then turns to Ben.

 “Let’s see it,” he says.

Ben feels the anticipating awaiting the slice of his words.

                “How about this weather, huh?” Ben asks the man approaching the counter.

The old man shows his watery gums, “Good ole Indiana for you, boy.”

                “That’s right,” Ben says, “Now, what can I do for you?”

                “Well, boy, I’ve been driving round town all day, trying to find a store that could make a can of paint this color here. If you can’t make it, then I guess my luck has run out. I am getting dirt poor, you see, wasting my time running round town. And gas ain't getting no cheaper.”

                “You’ve come to the right place,” Mr. Allison says.

Ben takes the paper from him. The paper is green, the color of a grassy meadow. He stares at it intensely.

                “I understand,” Mr. Allison says, “Gas prices just keep shooting up.”

Ben glances at Mr. Allison, and then turns his focus back to the green slip. The wonderful and pure spirit of the green entrances Ben. In his eyes, the color encapsulates nature’s unlimited freshness, peace, and joy collectively.

                “What is it, Ben?” Mr. Allison breaks in.

                “I quit,” Ben says, taking off his spattered apron.

He lays it onto the counter. The man huffs out a short laugh. Mr. Allison is puzzled. He stiffens and puts his large hands to his sides.

                “You cannot leave just yet,” he says, “Your shift is not over.”

                “Yes, I can.”

                “Then you will be terminated, and you will not receive your pay.”

Ben leaves the store with the green slip clutched in his hand. Mr. Allison and the elderly man watch him speechlessly as he makes his way up the block.

Ben strolls down the sidewalk, passing a fast food chain, a gas station, and laundry mat, smiling all the while. He meanders past the library and schoolyard, still smiling.

Once at the city park, he finds a shady spot. He nestles onto the grass and gazes upward at the cloudy sky.

                "It's not about the money, Mr. Allison."

Author's Note

Open to comments and opinions.

Reviews

[Chris]

Short and simple with a good point. The dialogue is really good, too -- pushes the story along at a good pace. Only problem I see with it is that boy seems a little too brash, maybe? For someone so timid at the beginning of the story, he seems to make his statement a little boldly. Maybe just make it a slightly harder decision for him?

[jazzkraft]

I really like the idea you convey here. You really are a poet at heart, bro! What I find really interesting is the dialogue - very fluid. The transitions we make during conversations seem simple as we speak, but are harder to pen. Kudos on bringing these characters to life, Ralphonso!

[Alexander Emberson]

You have a very good short story here. The dialog was good, but it read weird in a few places, it's probably just me! There was just enough detail in it that I understood what was going on, but there wasn't too much, and that's good, because anymore and it would have taken away from the story. I felt the ending was a bit abrupt, but you took it somewhere and didn't just drop the reader off. Swell read! This paragraph specifically was very well written,

"Ben glances at Mr. Allison, and then turns his focus back to the green slip. The wonderful and pure spirit of the green entrances Ben. In his eyes, the color encapsulates nature’s unlimited freshness, peace, and joy collectively."

Nicely done!

[RobbyKube]

nice story!Does it continue? I feel like we could do with a little more background to understand it better

[Blue Moon Ice Cream]

I thought the dialogue was really realistic for the most part. At the beginning, it was a little difficult to tell who was talking, though. I couldn't tell who said the second quote, Ben or Mr. Allison. If it was Ben, I'd put the sentence "Ben looks...." in the same paragraph with his quote; if it was Mr. Allison, I'd keep all of his words in one paragraph. I had to reread the beginning a few times to figure out what was going on. Other than that, nice job.