Slippery Sleep

 

 

Sleep winked at me and scurried past my window

There he was swinging his legs on my window sill

Then he jumped up and down on the little couch beside

I looked at him appealing that it was time for bed

He shot out of reach and danced a little jig

Tickled my feet, pulled my hair and hummed

"Catch me if you can"

No matter how much I tossed and turned

He wouldn't come to me

My eyes were smarting with exasperation

I just slumped back giving up

I let my thoughts take over

I don't know when the naughty elf sneaked up

Snuggled beside me

Gently closed my eyelids and lulled me into oblivion

When the sun interrupted our cozy companionship

He just wouldn't let me go

What a task it was to yank myself out of bed!

He sat on the bed sulking that I had to go

"Serves you right for playing truant"

I said staring at him longingly

I had to get going

The day was beckoning!

Reviews

[Satine]

This is a cute and playful piece. I'd pare it down a bit perhaps by combining sentences where ever possible and then this line doesn't read quite right;

"Gently closed my eyelids and lulled me into oblivion"

Somehow "Gently", "lulled" and "oblivion" seem too contradictory.

Satine

[Rahul]

Awesome Night... ohhh, i meant, Awesome Write.. lol well written, every line has it's deep impact. keep writing. 100/100.

[Life Calling!!!]

thumbs up lady! you're too good!

[None]

The magic of make believe comes alive in your playful poem. A great escape from the real world to join in with your fun poem!

[Matalia Riordan]

I can definitely relate to this. It seems like sleep evades me until the last minute and when I finally fall asleep I have to be up and it's so hard to get out of bed. This made me think more of those cold winter mornings when nothing is as good as wrapping up in the covers and staying there until you're barely going to be anywhere on time. Nice write.


Matalia

[LSS]

Wow, you've impressed me again. You have a wonderful way of grasping the obvious and conceptualizing it into a form that is recognizable yet different enough to point out what was missing all along. Like analyzing the niggling little thoughts that make the hair stand on the back of your neck walking down a dark street and not seeing anything, but knowing something awaits, and forming them into images. Thank you
Lar

[Helen Woodward]

I liked this so much that I read it 3 times just for the pleasure of it. What a beautiful piece this is, full of wonder and gorgeous little phrases so unique! This should be published...seriously published.
Helen xx

I love the state of mind between sleeping and waking, alpha state.

It brings forth quite a myriad of colors and ideas.

This one well depicts that, and have done a good job imparting its message.

As always, your fundamentals are wonderful.

I think the font color should be somewhere dark neutral (gray perhaps).

A wonderful piece

[Samuel Dickens]

Somehow, I feel happier now, after reading that. Like others have said, it's so playful. Nice work, Candle in the Wind.

[J.P. Bristow]

I loved this....I had the 50's song "Mr Sandman" in my head while I read it....I loved how playful this was --wrapped in great imagery.