Paper boat

Just a piece of paper it was

Blank crumpled and never written upon

Just lying around in a no-notice- zone

A little boy came by

Fair curly hair and pink lips whistling a melody

He picked it up and smoothed it out

With his delicate fumbling fingers

Folded, shaped and caressed the paper

Lo and behold it was now a boat!

All ready to embark on a new journey

The boy set it afloat on the stream

Created little ripples with his gentle hands

And the boat was sailing

The boy watched from the shore and cheered on

The paper boat surged ahead

Sails billowing with new found zest and liberty

Basking in the attention of the brown haired boy

Watching him walking alongside with a little jig

The paper had found new shape and meaning

Then the boy heard his bright companions call

Before long he was whisked away

The wind blew harder

The paper was wet

The boat was about to sink

It looked around hoping the boy would fetch it out...

There was the boy playing merrily

The last conscious thought the boat had was…

Hope the boy doesn’t fall down and scrape his knee.

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Wulfstan Crumble]

Hello, I found your poem very interesting and wanted to give a review. The title was simple and attractive. It felt like it will be something different from a lot of other poems. It felt like it could be a slow melody, whimsical and full of quiet beauty in its imagery. I was not disappointed. Overall it was very enjoyable. I'll give a few comments on the lines now:

Blank(,) crumpled and never written upon - You have a repetition here... blank and never written on. Maybe replace blank with plain.

He picked it up and smoothened it out - maybe just smoothed as it smoothes out the sound.

All ready to embark on a new journey - the boat's first journey? OR perhaps the paper's journey.

The boy set it afloat on the stream - in the stream?

The boy watched from the shore and cheered on - cheered it on.


Sails billowing with new found meaning and liberty

The paper had found new shape and meaning - we have a repetition of meaning here, maybe you can find a different word to keep the variation on.

That was a good poem. I like how the boat cares more for the boy's safety rather than its own. Its also a bit telling that the boy does not return the boat's love and attention. My only other advice apart from those lil comments above is to work on some punctuation for the piece so that we know how it flows and runs.

Nice work.

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Exquisite! There is a simple and uniquely poignant message painted within the text of your composition, which has been interpreted in many ways, judging by the reviews. Everyone can identify and appreciate the significance of your write, which is a sign of a creative and talented writer.

Ten out of ten!

God's Blessing
Phillozofee

[Ken Simm.]

Gentle and piquant is what this is. A lovely piece with a subtle core.

[MrJodie]

I remember that little boy. He used to look at me in the mirror... so long ago.

Discarded, rescued, treasured, changed, given life, given hope, given heart and then allowed to pass.

What a beautiful moment and wonderfully penned. Thank you.

[SM Davis]

This is beautiful and lilting. Someone once told me a story of a little boy building sand castles in the sky...right there in the middle of air. The sand castles were beautiful and filled with his dreams...until someone came by one day and told him "you can't build castles in the sky...it's impossible." The boy never built another castle.

Your poem speaks of hope and of those lilting dreams. We can do anything when we believe...even sail paper boats. The creation of this little boy took on a life of it's own after it was created...I think it is something we as writers all aspire to with our writing. That blank, crumpled piece of paper became something...as did your poem. Beautiful!!!

[vanishing]

Beautifully metaphoric and expresses
with clarity in mind
self awareness-you've penned this
with touching effects,
lovely. and refreshes the heart
thanks

[Michael X]

i really love this poem, the meaning is touching, and really pulls on the readers heartstrings,
in way of metaphorical meaning, the way you gave life to the boat, personality, consiousness,
what your words say to me is this, people tend to use things for the enjoyment of the moment,
and when the next best thing comes along, we are wisked away, and what becomes of the prior
object of affection, who still has an emotional attachment, like the boat, they drift beneath
the surface of existance, as if to drown in an emotional betrayal, in learning the reality of life
a beautifully projected, painted, portrait image, takes the reader to the moment.

I suddenly felt guilty for something I don't know. But I felt guilt on being helpless, I wished I could have saved the paper boat.

The personification here was wonderful. The selfless personification given to the boat, even better.

This is a wonderful piece.

[Rain]

This was a simple but also profound story of turning nothing into something..and the nothing came to life. It's last words to it's creator were a gracious concern. I loved this. Rain..

[Kathleen Marie]

The love of a mother for a child and how children grow and leave the "nest" oftentimes without a glance back but we as mother's still pray for our children's safety. Love moves on, sails on but the love remains.

Wonderful pictures!

[Tania Leigh]

A great message here, in that the boat was thinking only of the welfare of the boy, and not of its own.
Another very enjoyable read! :-)