Harvest

Still I feel you there...

 

Harvest

 

A seemingly unspoken delight

Anew with every U-turn

Abreast with fine hypothesis of what I grew up on

 

When I roam in the field

Or walk endlessly for unknown

Or sit by the window with scorching butt

Or just simply think about what happened in the past,

I tried to figure you are the woman

I search like fountain from hills to river to sea…

 

I tried to devour your expression through your irresistible smiles

Close to blooming buds that caress the tree

 

I fancied myself being sat on the edge whereto look further is of no point

Going ahead!

 

I finally have woman in you when you leave off the attire

Cooing a lovely song alone

Without knowing I am nearby

 

Then also you are woman I used to defy

For on another occasion I am sure I will explore you

With another of my honest tries—

Reviews

[Twirly]

I enjoyed the opening stanza, how combined with the opening titled it brings the image of driving along a road and seeing hills ripe for the harvest, and how those images inspire, if i am interpreting right.

The second stanza is almost one or two many, by the time it gets to the end it is too much like a list and getting old. I personally would take out the one with the "scorching butt" just because the word butt stands out like a sore thumb in the picture I have of a countryside at harvest, but i think a lot of that opinion is personal.

I also like your transition from nature to a women by the comparison of the women's smile to rose buds. And relating your walking to the searching for a good women.

I find the last two stanza's unsettling. I get the image of someone peeking at a women, lusting after her determined to have her while she is alone bathing. As a women that is very unsettling. As a poem, if that is what you were going for, then yeah, you got it. But if you were going for something else, say a complete of the image of searching for a good women, finding her and courting her and earning her confidence and trust in comparison to a harvest. It might be worthwhile to consider revising. The images that make me think of the former are "When you leave off your attire, cooing lovely songs without knowing I'm nearby" and "You are the women I used to defy for on another occasion am i sure I will explore you."

[Gandré]

This poem is wonderful look into poet's heart, an entthralling read from start to finish. I like how you shift perspectives "I tried to devour your expression through your irresistible smilesClose to blooming buds that caress the tree" -------------touching...hmmm

I finally have woman in you when you leave off the attireCooing a lovely song aloneWithout knowing I am nearby--------------------------this is extremely tender, touching, original....I liked the word "attire" but of course, I didn't know it! fantastic image. yes, it is a very good poem. write on!! gandr�

[Last Lying Look]

i like this. good job! :D

[Kitty]

A very honest and emotional piece. Beautifully expressed...

Great job!!!!!!!!

Josie

[Vanessa]

This seems simple enough to call it one thing: lovely.
I really do love that simplicity in your works.

//vk

[Jessica L Auster]

This as many others before me has said is honest and beautiful. There was a good sense of everything in your words, and you've done it well. Good job!

[WordMaster]

What a powerfully emotional write

A well written and structure poem, with just the right pace and rhythm

Brava

[The Autumn Faerie]

Written with honest love and honest intentions...
Very, very nice!

[emmajoy]

A lovely poem, full of passion. Finely constructed too ... steady meter, ready flow of words.

'I tried to devour your expression through your irresistible smiles Close to blooming buds that caress the tree' - that says so much.

Thank you for sharing.

[An owl on the moon]

Moving and powerful piece, elevating love above the simple things of earth! Excellent work!!!

Craig