He is My Son

I can't put into words how a parent feels when his child is diagnosed with Schizophrenia.

you may pass him. he is handsome, and his skin is darkened from hours of walking aimlessly in the afternoon sun. he is slim from lack of eating, and not having a set routine. he may have a distant stare, as if he is lost in thought. he once was the most popular kid in school. the phone rang constantly. he was funny, and fun to be around.

then the voices came when he was around nineteen, that was seven years ago. the doctors called it schizophrenia. he spent several years in places they called residence houses. his friends became lost souls whose faces were distorted from years of torment.

we tried so hard to help him, but he wouldn't take his medicine. for a while he had an apartment. he couldn't make it on his own.

 

he left our house several months ago. we had no contact of any kind with him. his mother cries every night. i saw him yesterday. he was sitting near our mail box, waiting to get his check from ssd. i begged him to come in, so he could contact his case worker. his voices have convinced him that i am responsible for his illness. i asked him what he has been doing. he said he walks. at night he sleeps in alleys and behind restaurants. i took him and bought him food, then helped him cash his check, which he had been forging my name to. i asked him where he wanted to go, and he told me i could let him out where we were. we were twenty some miles from our home. when i drove off i looked in the rear view mirror. i saw my boy walking. he told me he needed to figure things out. i thought of all the many Christmas mornings, all the Birthday parties, the bed time stories, the times when he would just hug me for no reason. he will never, ever be the same. it's almost too much for a parent to grasp.

 

i cried for him. i cried for his mother. i cried for me. he is out there, now. i can never explain the hurt, and feeling of helplessness. he is walking in a world he no-longer understands. he is so lost. please be kind to him. he is my son.

Reviews

[poet2angels (lynda)]

Sigh....

My son was born Autistic...
We found out when he was 3. He was starting to speak in small phrases, and
physically developing like any other toddler, but at about 18 mos he started to regress
and slowly lost what speech he had developed.....
We tried everything...every new program, etc...
They told us to put him in some state home or our lives would be ruined.
I got very angry and stopped asking for help and he is a blessing. I cry for him as well
because he cannot have a normal life, but he is a blessing...
he just had his 28th birthday.

My heart and prayers are with you my friend, and I say as you do,
to the World...
be kind to our children

Lynda

[THE LOST ROSE]

What can I say my brother. You are truly a man who I respect. I have a 5 year old son and I could not imagine him in this situation. Your cries are heard and I can offer you prayer, mediation and fasting for the strength of you and your wife. Not only will I pray for your son but I will pray that the Lord keeps his light shined on him so that world will see that he needs to prayed back home. Always in my prayer into a poem lets me know he is home.

[☮]

Honestly, this isn't a piece that I can "review" per se. All I can do is sympathize as well as commend you on the strength you put forth to endure the mental pain that comes with this situation.

I also congratulate you on having the strength to express these feelings and share this with us. My family's prayers are with you.

[O!]

The simplicity used in telling ur hurtful story shows how humble u are even when hurting so much.

He will be fine. Trust that he will be fine.

Thank you for sharing this with us.

x,
O!

[__Flaw__]

I am not sure if I am entitled to say anything to you or not, so I won't say much, but i guess I do feel at least some of the pain that u might be suffering... I just hope some way, somehow, his condition gets better... May god be with you in this time of misery. Cares.

[Aspiring Angel]

My heart goes out to you and Sue and to your Son. I know this is a nightmare that you live daily and I am really not sure how Hersh and I could live such a thing. Myself, even though I have considered myself very strong when it comes to my children all strength leaves me. Our prayers are with you all. What a wonderful picture you have added to this heart touching write. Your Son looks like you Ray. Somehow sweetie he will be reached and he will find that he needs you and Sue and help to defeat the voices.

Many hugs and much love,
Lesa

[Lily1111]

Rain this touched me to my very core. Your feeling of utter helplessness is palpable in your writing.

"he is so lost. please be kind to him. he is my son."

Your plea brings tears to my eyes. I am so effected after reading this, I am having difficulty expressing myself.
This gentle reminder from a place of pain will etch deep into the hearts and minds of all who read your words.

[Imperfection]

I don't know what to write. How much he is suffering, perhaps he doesn't realize but you do. You are suffering with him and so are his loved ones. Words can offer little comfort. I can only wish he finds his way back.

[Debra Stevens Edwards (..]

This is such a heart wrenching piece. The emotional impact almost took my breath away. I can only offer prayer and Sympathy for you all and a promise too continue. Loving some one so much and feeling so helpless is as painful as it gets I think. Prayers and love to you all.
Hugs Debby

[Valentine]

Rain, I will ask my church to pray for him..also all of those on my prayer list..Mental illness is something so hard to fight or understand..My heart breaks for you and your wife for what you are going through..Love is something that you will carry in your heart for him as long as you are on this earth..God loves him too..please do not forget that..I will be praying for his healing along with yours..love and God bless you..Valentine

[OceanTropic]

Wow. This was so gripping.

We often ignore those strange men that walk around with "lost" stares, but we forget to acknolwedge that they are someones child, someones brother or sister, someones friend or husband.

This poem shed an absolutey new light, and I have anew sympathy for those who walk aimlessly. You captured thee person within a lost soul, that glimpse of hope to be human again. I say human very loosely, for who is to say what being human really is?

This write was very captivating. Shed a completely new light and sympathy not only towards the son, but the family who will never forget him. Great write.