He is My Son

I can't put into words how a parent feels when his child is diagnosed with Schizophrenia.

you may pass him. he is handsome, and his skin is darkened from hours of walking aimlessly in the afternoon sun. he is slim from lack of eating, and not having a set routine. he may have a distant stare, as if he is lost in thought. he once was the most popular kid in school. the phone rang constantly. he was funny, and fun to be around.

then the voices came when he was around nineteen, that was seven years ago. the doctors called it schizophrenia. he spent several years in places they called residence houses. his friends became lost souls whose faces were distorted from years of torment.

we tried so hard to help him, but he wouldn't take his medicine. for a while he had an apartment. he couldn't make it on his own.

 

he left our house several months ago. we had no contact of any kind with him. his mother cries every night. i saw him yesterday. he was sitting near our mail box, waiting to get his check from ssd. i begged him to come in, so he could contact his case worker. his voices have convinced him that i am responsible for his illness. i asked him what he has been doing. he said he walks. at night he sleeps in alleys and behind restaurants. i took him and bought him food, then helped him cash his check, which he had been forging my name to. i asked him where he wanted to go, and he told me i could let him out where we were. we were twenty some miles from our home. when i drove off i looked in the rear view mirror. i saw my boy walking. he told me he needed to figure things out. i thought of all the many Christmas mornings, all the Birthday parties, the bed time stories, the times when he would just hug me for no reason. he will never, ever be the same. it's almost too much for a parent to grasp.

 

i cried for him. i cried for his mother. i cried for me. he is out there, now. i can never explain the hurt, and feeling of helplessness. he is walking in a world he no-longer understands. he is so lost. please be kind to him. he is my son.

Reviews

[poet2angels (lynda)]

Sigh....

My son was born Autistic...
We found out when he was 3. He was starting to speak in small phrases, and
physically developing like any other toddler, but at about 18 mos he started to regress
and slowly lost what speech he had developed.....
We tried everything...every new program, etc...
They told us to put him in some state home or our lives would be ruined.
I got very angry and stopped asking for help and he is a blessing. I cry for him as well
because he cannot have a normal life, but he is a blessing...
he just had his 28th birthday.

My heart and prayers are with you my friend, and I say as you do,
to the World...
be kind to our children

Lynda

[Lady of the Lake]

I cannot imagine what you are going through but I know how much I love my daughter and just the thought of losing her in any way brings such great pain.

[Nick Erickson]

Reading this brought tears to my eyes as I thought about my own son and how at the young age of 7 he is so active, loving and kind - so full of life and joy. Imagining my son, lost inside of himself is a burden I hope to never have to bear, though I know like you I'd love him unconditionally.

This is another piece of life that you have once again shared so openly with us, reminding us once again there is so much we take for granted and so much we have to be thankful for. Even that simple hug and "I love you dad," is the memory that could pull us through the tough times later in life.

Well done Rain. Thank you.

[Nicole (Carpe Diem)]

i cant even begin to understand the pain and sadness you feel... i am sure it tears at you and your wife daily...
thank you for sharing this little piece of your life...

[BrightEyes]

ray,
you've brought me to tears this morning. we love our kids with everything we have ; it never leaves no matter what transpires throughout the years. we feel their hurt more keenly than our own and there are no words for that pain. we nurture them and protect them, until that day arrives when we can no longer do those things; when they must move out into the world on their own. but our need and desire to protect them never leaves us; we want to alleviate all their pain and suffering and when we cannot - it brings us to our knees, it breaks us. i hope that your son finds the help he needs out there; i hope that people treat him kind. i send you hugs and prayers and hope you and your wife are holding up as best you can.

*hugs*

laura

[Dalaina Renee]

I don't know if, I shared this with you. But I once ran away from home with my exhusband. My home life wasn't good. My father had been an acholic. But now, my parents and I are mending our relationship. And I am grateful that we can. Don't give up on your son. Pray for him everyday. God can bring him home to you. I know, because, I came home.

[John Stussy]

It's an amazing story,heart breaking that these kind of conditions effect families. It is more than a tale of your son, it's a tale of a family. The unconditional love that holds you together. Though the conditions are rough, the strength of all of you is apparent, for you still have hope for him, even after so long, and with this kind of love that hope doesn't die. I wish the best for you and yours Ray.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

I'm just so speechless after reading it. This is really the most touching piece of writing I have read in entire life!
You brought me into tears sir :'(
Actually I wasn't having a good time from few days (and that's why I delayed with the review) and I'm facing some problems with my close friends and because of that I was just crying before an hour or so. And I just stopped myself from it and came here at cafe to read some RR's and then again when I read it, I can't tell you how much sad I felt after reading it.
For around 10 minutes after reading it, I was just still...wondering what god wants.
I mean how could he be so cruel to few of us? I very often ask him that why you only choose few people to face this hardship and I'm still waiting for his answer to come.

I remember, when I was in high school, a classmate of mine was also diagnosed with Schizophrenia. And after a month we all friends went to meet him but we found his behavior totally changed. I mean he was unable to act rationally and with reason, I just can't describe that entire incident in words....

And I felt so full with guilty when I read this line - " his friends became lost souls whose faces were distorted from years of torment." - After reading this line, I thought! how could I be so sick! Yet, he was not my best friend but still he was a friend of mine and I left him so alone, I will surely try to contact him today for sure.
This is also an eye opener for me and I'm constantly into tears right now...will definitely come back here to read it again...

I'm also really sorry Rain and I do hope that one day he would find his way back.

Thank you for enlightening me....

[Kelly D. Burris]

I'm still standing with you believing the best, praying for it very soon.
God Bless,
Kelly

[Rekon]

Wow, very mind blowing.
Uh, well that ummm.
Dang I actually signed up here just because I liked this.
It's not really because of how well structured it is, or metaphors...
It's about how much heart was put into it, I don't like this only because it makes me sad.
:(
I'm very sorry, you are one strong person to be able to endure something like that.
Don't ever give up.

[Ladysue]

Rain, this was so heartbreaking. I felt your pain. As a parent it is so hard to watch you child go through something that we can't really help with. As Lilly said your plea brings tears to my eyes. My prayers are with you and your family. hugs