He is My Son

I can't put into words how a parent feels when his child is diagnosed with Schizophrenia.

you may pass him. he is handsome, and his skin is darkened from hours of walking aimlessly in the afternoon sun. he is slim from lack of eating, and not having a set routine. he may have a distant stare, as if he is lost in thought. he once was the most popular kid in school. the phone rang constantly. he was funny, and fun to be around.

then the voices came when he was around nineteen, that was seven years ago. the doctors called it schizophrenia. he spent several years in places they called residence houses. his friends became lost souls whose faces were distorted from years of torment.

we tried so hard to help him, but he wouldn't take his medicine. for a while he had an apartment. he couldn't make it on his own.

 

he left our house several months ago. we had no contact of any kind with him. his mother cries every night. i saw him yesterday. he was sitting near our mail box, waiting to get his check from ssd. i begged him to come in, so he could contact his case worker. his voices have convinced him that i am responsible for his illness. i asked him what he has been doing. he said he walks. at night he sleeps in alleys and behind restaurants. i took him and bought him food, then helped him cash his check, which he had been forging my name to. i asked him where he wanted to go, and he told me i could let him out where we were. we were twenty some miles from our home. when i drove off i looked in the rear view mirror. i saw my boy walking. he told me he needed to figure things out. i thought of all the many Christmas mornings, all the Birthday parties, the bed time stories, the times when he would just hug me for no reason. he will never, ever be the same. it's almost too much for a parent to grasp.

 

i cried for him. i cried for his mother. i cried for me. he is out there, now. i can never explain the hurt, and feeling of helplessness. he is walking in a world he no-longer understands. he is so lost. please be kind to him. he is my son.

Reviews

[poet2angels (lynda)]

Sigh....

My son was born Autistic...
We found out when he was 3. He was starting to speak in small phrases, and
physically developing like any other toddler, but at about 18 mos he started to regress
and slowly lost what speech he had developed.....
We tried everything...every new program, etc...
They told us to put him in some state home or our lives would be ruined.
I got very angry and stopped asking for help and he is a blessing. I cry for him as well
because he cannot have a normal life, but he is a blessing...
he just had his 28th birthday.

My heart and prayers are with you my friend, and I say as you do,
to the World...
be kind to our children

Lynda

[mick weller]

this is powerfully written
I see a reconciliation...

[Jonathan Bryant Dean]

I have lived this. Both from the aspect of my brother, who died in 2000, and of my own constant battle with psychosis and schizo-effective disorder. I can say that I have seen miracles in my own life. I have also seen the pain, felt the pain, and caused the pain myself.

My parents have two daughters and three sons who have developed mental illness. The miracle in my life is that I am now a relatively productive member of society, in that I am working a job and I own a house and three vehicles. This is what society would call somewhat of a success. I feel that a miracle is waking to hear only the voices of those that are real and not those of the past. The voice of my father and my wife, people that are really here and not the ethereal voices that I heard in the past.

We have spoken of this in the past Rain. You are often in my thoughts. I hope that all is as well as can be for you. I know that all things are relative, but I wish you health.
Jonathan

[Otter]

Touching story, you bring tears to my eyes.

[Legion]

DAMN IT! This made me cry. And I hate to cry. I can not give you any advice here for I have not lived this tale myself, but I can empathize with you. I hope, by writing this, you have found some relief in the turmoil and sadness you are living with. If I had a way to help, I would gladly give it. I pray that his path goes gently and eventually brings him back to you and your wife. As for the write itself, well done. Very well done. :(

[TL Boehm]

how long have you been back....probably quite awhile....I wish you peace. This was a wrenching read

[Jacob]

My heart is with you, I know about mental illness from my own surroundings and how confusing and frustrating and wearing it can be, much more I guess with having a son with mental illness. It is great that today this illnesses are being more out spoken, and I congratulate you for having the courage to get it out and express it so sensitively. I believe it can help you and others to deal with it.
Please cherish the good moments you had with your son, those are part of him and of your life, even if now he doesn't see it.
Again, my heart is with you.

[R J Askew]

We take normality so called for granted and we moan about trivial things. But some people suffer big time screw ups in their lives and schizophrenia is definitely one of them...even the word sounds unfriendly.

You story quietly captures the devastation that follows when a young mind implodes on itself. Yet another great write. Great humanity. Life..... I relate to this one strongly.

[Pauline Marie Daley]

Incredibly heartwrenching... Things like this are so sad - because they werent meant to happen. This wasn't what life was supposed to be. I hope he finds his way home someday...

[Lena M. P.]

The loss and love for those we can no longer reach. At least he did not leave you by choice. That was taken from him by health. The story is passionate and powerful. It expresses sentiment, grief, frustration, fear, remorse and reminiscence. Thanks for sharing with me.

[~angelalala~]

this was a tragic, sad story. beautifully written, the last paragraph is my favorite "he is walking in a world he no-longer understands. he is so lost. please be kind to him. he is my son" this entire story is full of pure emotion & sadness, raw loss & grief. it touches anyone who reads it & teaches us all a lesson. that everyone in the world, be them good or bad, sick or healthy, homeless or rich, they are still someone's child, friend, parent, sibling. this is a deep & thoughtprovoking piece, as well as desparetly sad. it has opened a door in me. thank you for sharing it with me.